Fantasy land

I live in fantasy land much of the time. I watch tv and fantasize that I am that professional woman who wears nice clothes, meets interesting people, works hard, and then unwinds with friends and a drink after work. I look forward to the weekends because it is a time to play, not just any other day. I watch the Olympics and fantasize that I am still the athlete that I used to be. I fantasize that I am still able to sleep in my husband’s arms with no pain. I fantasize that I sleep 8 hours a night and don’t need naps. I fantasize that I can still fit in the size 8 jeans still in my closet that I refuse to get rid of. I fantasize that I don’t need a ton of concealer so nobody can see the dark circles under my eyes. I fantasize that I can just get in my car and go run errands without putting myself and others in danger.

But most of all, I fantasize that there is a cure for this awful illness and that I will wake up tomorrow and be “normal” again!

Fantasizing keeps me from being too depressed and from focusing on my pain and other symptoms. Am I alone or do y’all fantasize too?

Gentle hugs,


I do but my fantasies have more to do with pretending that the ugly things I have to wear, courtesy of this illness, are something interesting and unique. For starters, my new splints for my sore thumbs. They cover nearly my entire arm and hand, and make me look like a space man, so I like to pretend that I am one. More interesting than the banal truth. And when I get the full face mask for my sleep apnea machine (ooooh, how sexy to sleep in a big, machine mask!) I'll pretend I'm a deep sea diver or something. It takes away some of the stigma of having to wear these medical devices.

Along the line of your fantasies, I like to pretend that I can kayak again. Every time I see one, I get a stab of envy. I'd love to be able to paddle those oars again without an ounce of back pain, and go explore some exotic waterscape, as I did in Florida, complete with alligators and water moccasins, as I found out later. No such luck, I'm afraid.

Driving is another one. I can still do it but I can no longer drive in marathon spurts like I could only a few years ago. Once I drove for 19 hours in a day. Now I can do the 2-3 required of my job but that's it. And I can only do it because I get in and out of the car. Forget doing it otherwise.

Your fantasies sound much more creative than mine! Oh well, I am just a simple girl. LOL. Getting ready to go to Atlanta in a couple of days. It is a four hour drive and I will just be riding but just the thought makes me tired. I plan to bring pillows for in the car and ice packs for my feet. I can’t just get in the car and drive 14 hours between Houston and Atlanta with stops only for gas and a sandwich like I used to. No more doing things on a whim- everything has to be planned out.

Lol. ur funny too, and thats a reality.

I still drive like a professional race car driver I never was, but I give it a good go! It's an extension of my incredible skinny and fit body I have with the stamina of a marathon runner. No pain no gain! lmao

I keep going to college to learn to do "mens jobs", like carpentry and plumbing for the last five years, and work part time just to prove I can dream and it will come true. In 3 years time, after I complete my degree they will be kissing my... too when I become Project Manager. lol. Wait there, gotta pinch myself. Yep I certanly will!

Whats next? Maybe I could become a doctor and do my job properly...

Slow down there, speed racer! LMAO. The true fantasy is not that toy can become a doctor, it is that the doctors will become real human beings!

UGH - 14 hours??? OMG! Poor you. Well, at least you can still do it at all, if you pack along the right tools. I know what you mean, though. My sis and I used to drive from Massachusetts to Florida to visit our mother and it was no problem. Kinda fun, actually. We're supposed to do it again in December and I am dreading it.

I may have to bring one of my dogs to the emergency vet, which is an hour each way, plus the long wait at the vet's office. That, on top of driving for 3 hours to deliver meals will totally wipe me out.

It's a shame that we can't do what we once did. I mean, we're all too young for this abbreviated lifestyle. It's times like these when it really resonates with me how life-changing this illness is. I used to love driving. Now I merely tolerate it, at best.

Wow, you go, girl!!! How impressive that you can still drive and have all of these remarkable dreams post college. How exciting to learn skills that most of us women haven't the foggiest notion about! I wish I'd learned these things so I knew how to fix things around the house. And it sounds like you're going to make a profession of it. Well, God bless your amazing stamina, Jo. You must have buckets of it to have fibro and still manage to do these tough jobs.

LOL, MBP! You're not kidding! Some of these docs seem more like robots than humans, don't they?

Petunia girl, I hope that your baby is okay. Going to the doggie ER is about as bad as going to the people ER in terms of wait time and money.

Yeah, the road trips were fun, werent they? Now, I just want to be where I am going. No more fun along the way. At least, hopefully, I will have a good time once I get there.

LMAO you have a very good point there! I think we may be fantasising if we think they could...

I have no stamina lol but I do try my best. I can only do so much a week. I certainly can't cope full time but I really do boot myself up the butt and try to prove myself. I also have the right powertools to do all the hard work for me. (Thats if I'm not too off my head to use them lol) Thats prob why I have to deal with idiots because they assume I'm a miracle cure. Sometimes I fail to play God and have to "sit out" for a month or more. It's so hard to find the right balance isn't it. But in the meantime we can certainly dream...

Oh no! What is going on with your dog, Petunia?

You make me smile and cringe at the same time. Bungi jumping, flying in a harness, roller coasters- on my! So scary. But you are so right, new adventures ahead!