HI Barb - my grandmother, Carrie, used to say the same thing about not being able to choose your family, but you can choose your friends! I was pretty young when she told me this, but as I got older, especially now, she was right on the mark!! We DO have that power to do so. To some degree - we are empowered to choose who we want to be with and let the others go. So, we have that control. Hugs! (gentle!) Laurie
Hi Dozer - I am so sorry about what you sent through. My ex-husband was basically the same way, in his feelings about what I was going through. He too, accused me of trying to use my illness as an excuse. It was very hurtful to me and eventually I just gave up in trying to explain to him what was going on. I was married to him for 28 years,and that was WAY too long to be in the relationship. I divorced him for a number of reasons, but one of them was the fact that he was just going on and on about how I was pretending to be ill and he said that I just wanted his sympathy. This wasn't true, I just wanted him to understand and listen to what I had to say. He had no patience and here is the kicker-------at the time I was going to divorce him, he got stage 4 cancer of the neck. Well, no matter what goes on in my life, I would never kick someone to the curb if they are really ill. So for several months I took care of him through all the chemo and radiation treatments and finally he went into remission. When I finally got the okay from his oncologist that he would be fine, THEN I asked him to leave. To this day he still tells people that I 'kicked him out when he was very sick!' What an ungrateful idiot he is!! Well, I am now divorced for 11 years, and with the exception of my Fibro, I am very happy to be on my own. Not once did he thank me for taking care of him. But, I moved on and I am where I am today, with Fibro - which I got when I was married. But, as I said, I am grateful and happy now and I have an excellent relationship with my two kids and my ex-husband's relatives. They won't have anything to do with him. Not only did he lose his family but he lost all aunts, uncles, brothers and so on because of the way he treated me. He has nothing today. Serves him right, I guess, Hugs! Laurie
Hi Renie, I too was never a 'social butterfly' for the reason that these kind of people were more interested in the superficial things that go on in their lives. I have, like you, a few lifetime friends and that is all I need. Plus, of course the wonderful people I am meeting on this website. That must have been very hard for you to let go of someone you had been friends with for 28 years. But you know, we are at that point now, where we need to do everything possible to make our lives a little easier and connect with people that do understand what we go through. I got so tired of explaining to people what Fibro was - I just couldn't be bothered any more. Like you, I have been with people who think that what I have to say about my illness is trivial. In other words they would tell me to ''pick myself up by the bootstraps and ride into the sunset!!'' LOL Well, that's not good advice for someone who is supposed to care. One thing I want to make clear though, I never wanted sympathy from my so-called friends. Just to understand what I am going through and know that I have to set limits on myself when I am having a bad day. Hugs! Laurie
Indeed I have had the same experience and I have slowly learnt to let go of these toxic relationships. When i was diagnosed with FM in 2009 i wnet into a major depression. The attitude I got from these so called “friends” were unbelievable. I’ve realised that in order for me to get “better” I needed to rid myself from people who were negative. Now i too am surrounded by wonderful friends who are compassionate and patient. Take care Laurie and all of the very best !!!
Hi Naz - I have had depression almost my whole life - but it's well controlled with meds. However I, too, went into a very severe depression after my divorce. It had nothing to do with getting away from my ex-husband, as I was happy and relieved to be on my own - but it was the illnesses that I developed while being married to him. I was also furious at myself for not leaving him years before. I was very hard on myself for this. Eventually, I was able to let go and just move forward. By this time, I started to really pay attention to what my body was going through. Made appointments with the right doctors and here I am today happy, but with the exception of Fibro and other ailments. I have begun to realize that in eradicating Fibro, it will be a long, long time before this will happen. So I have learned to be patient and be thankful for what I DO have in my life that give me joy. Laurie
to this day, but
Petunia Girl, Laurie....every one of you ladies reading this....I really hope that all of us can get relief from this horrible condition that we share. Thank you all for your words about my ex. I am sitting here in pain right now and was thinking of him and then read all of your messages and I will NOT call him. You are all right. We all deserve someone to at least be compassionate of our feelings and physical pain.
After being on here a short time-I can smile knowing that when I come home...I am NOT alone, that there are people on this site who are there with me! I am here for you too!!!! HUGS!
Hi Laurie, you know what, you are AMAZING !!! I’ve have learnt to count my blessings and be thankful too. Once we focus on our blessings and what we have, the Fibro becomes just part of life. And we learn to live with it despite how hard it is. Last night i couldnt cook bcoz my hands were just tooo painful along with my legs and feet. I relaxed, thanked the Almighty for my countless blessings, and later i forgot about the pain. Have a great day and ALL of the very BEST to you! Stay in touch …