Oh I do get sick sometimes. Whenever my body sees an opening or senses me relaxing: it attacks.
There are monetary deadlines, though. If I don't get old school work done within a time frame they will make me re-pay to take the courses over. That will affect my GPA and I will never qualify for financial aid again, at least not from this school. And I need to be a registered student by next August to get my student loans to go into natural deferment. SO, there are some incentives! I think it would help me relax to have a plan, LOL.
But I really do understand. I have some info my doctor gave me a while ago. Hopefully that will work because my printer's out of ink. I'm meeting with my counselor before I go in to this meeting tomorrow, and she's worked with the school before, so I'm hoping there will be some good advice from here as well.
But I agree. I'll try to stop letting my worry get to me. Maybe I should let them make some of the suggestions.
-Stacey
Oh my goodness, what a horrible doctor!!!! That any doctor would make you feel that way. I wonder what is motivating him to behave that way toward you. That sounds traumatic.
I'll have to look at those websites. They sound like good resources!
Simone,
You are calling me out on so many things ;) I try to do everything on my own! It kills me to think I can't do something for myself. Yet I want a career helping others. My counselor always asks me how I expect clients to take me seriously or respect me if I don't respect or love myself. And I still haven't really come up with an acceptable answer. I'd rather help other people that take care of my illness. I've been able to push it aside for so long.
And I can't help but compare myself to others. I think I'm mentally trying to beat people (in general) to the punch. For some reason I assume others are always comparing me so I compare them first. Very good observation. ha.
I have not ever had good experience from any mindfulness related options. For some reason that's hard for me to articulate, they actually just make me really ticked off and mad at everything around me. I know this is close minded of me, but I've had bad experiences so any specific mentions of anything alternative give me this knee-jerk reaction to shut them down. Really really hard for me to explain. Probably because I'm not entirely sure why myself.
Thank you for your thoughtful response!
-Stacey
Marygrace, I'll try to remember to look at your blogs when it's not 3am :/
My school does have Disability Services for Students. I've used them before, but not in a whole lot of detail. I don't know anything about financial assistance though. I replied to a post further up about the aid my husband and I do get so it kind of complicates what else we qualify for.
It's just nice hearing others' positive response. Thank you :)
-Stacey
Wow, your story of surviving through so much schooling does fill me with hope! My professors can be accommodating, it's just so intimidating for me to talk to them all the time. I'll settle for Bs if it gets me a degree and a job!
I think one of my biggest fears is that they'll think, "well she's smart enough, but could she handle working with clients?" It's distressing.
I'm sorry things were and are a struggle, though. I guess I'm finding out that's what this group is here for :)
I hope so too! That would be wonderful, Wouldn't it?
Thank you.
Thank you for your response, Maria.
That's what I try to remind myself everyday: that my struggles will help me be a better social worker. They will help me better empathize with clients. At least that's what I hope :)
I really appreciate the words in your response. It's nice to hear it from a person and not a textbook!!!! And in a much better way.
-Stacey
Judy,
I saw your other response too and was going to reply, then saw this one :)
I'm glad there are so many helpers represented on here! It really makes me feel better. I really love my program a lot. I think I just am panicking a little! I just thought I was going to come back on better terms. But this IS what I want to do. And they've given us all the warnings, stripped away all the glory (ha!). My biggest fear right now is that I worked so hard to convince them I was ready to come back to school, that maybe I'm not showing them my best side (again), they'll think I'm repeating patterns, and think I'm not ready to see clients. They won't let me finish my 900 hours next year if they think I can't handle it mentally. So I just need to follow all the FABULOUS advice here and explain my mental capacity is fine, I just need a little time to readjust and focus. I'm not less intelligent. And I know some agencies are going to want to move very quickly. But if social workers don't understand, then I don't think I'll ever find the right profession.
Pacing myself is something I really need to get better at! But I like that advice a lot!!
I think I might have to give that a shot. I honestly can't remember what I've told my adviser. Right now I think it's just me and her tomorrow. So this might be a huge shock to her considering last time I was in her office 2 weeks ago I was all smiles saying I got things taken care of and now I could move forward! (too bad that meant I was 3 weeks behind in school because of the hold ups).
We'll see how it goes!!!
Thanks! Remember, you can do it! I made it 25 years teaching. Not bad for a sicko!
I went to a doctor who also has fibro/cfid and he prescribed Acyclovir. Insurance covers it and since it's an older med it is relatively inexpensive. The doctor I saw is Dr. Daniel Dantini in Ormond Beach, FL. I believe he does consultations via phone and may be able to help you or help you find a doctor where you live. The antiviral drug takes a long time to help but I do feel it's improved things for me.
I also started taking Bosweilla Serrata, Curicumin (Tumeric), high potency Serrazimes, Ginger, and Vitamin D. I order my supplements from Swanson online and they have good quality and prices.
Good luck and I hope this helps!!!
Nancy
Thank you Judy, Stacy, and Tricky for the nice words
Dear Stacey,
So sorry to hear of your struggles, may I first please urge you NOT to stray too far from your Rheumatologist, this is the person who should be making a big difference in your life! I feel as though finding the right one CAN make a difference in your life!
Please don't ever feel this way, we are all in this together, some have been going through illness longer, some of us are older, so many different circumstances, but we all suffer, and no one should feel diminished because of the other! I have often felt like I have no right to even mention how I feel after going for an x-ray and meeting someone who fell 7 stories on a job site and lived, but we all suffer, we all matter!
Please stay close to the group, it will help you more than you can ever imagine, and you can help others! It is a life changing place, and we are all here with you!
Hugs,
SK
May I ask if you have an injury that may aggravate this condition?
SK,
I really have been meaning to make that follow up with my rheumatologist. I had a bad experience with my first PT and stopped going. So she gave me a new order and office suggested I cancel my appointment until I went to my new PT for a little while. That was 6 months ago. Whoops! Right now I'm waiting until I have the money to do it.
I also have Beingn Joint Hypermobility Syndrome which is a joint and connective tissue disorder. Basically causes extra pain/swelling after exercise activity or makes me more flexible than I should be after puberty. Cool party trick: but not really good to show off. For example: I have ~130+ degrees of rotation in my shoulder when the average person is only supposed to have 90. She stopped measuring because it was grossing her out, LOL.
I had a sports injury to my right rotator cuff when I was in college swimming. Usually that's a repetitive motion injury. Now I suspect it was related to something else. Luckily I never needed surgery: just went to PT.
I was in a lot of sports growing up: gymnastics, softball, tennis, track & field, volleyball, basketball, swimming. And swimming is what I did in college. I always thought my pain was from that: as if I just couldn't tell my pain from muscle fatigue. I thought maybe I had coaches so hard on me that they taught me to block out the mind-body connection of pain. And honestly I think that's still pretty true. I have a hard time being honest with myself when I've done too much.
Most recently March I had a hip bursitis develop. I technically was only placed on light duty at work for 3-4 weeks, but sometimes I feel like it's still there. It might be phantom pain, but it worries me that it never healed all the way.
Feels like a lot of little things that have added up. That's why no one ever caught it. Because I always went to one doctor for this or for that. I never sat down with a specialist and explained everything.
Hi Staceylanae, you are not at all a fake. You are going through some heavy stuff and this place is a great way to vent. Maybe you feel that your symptoms are not as bad compared to others on here, but I'm here to tell you not to feel that way. You have legitimate problems, that come and go, just like many of us on here. I've had fibro for almost a year and I'm not used to this yet. The chronic fatigue, the aches and pains, the ongoing depression...it drives me nuts. Yesterday I felt horrible and really wanted my life to end. But I have to think positive and keep pressing on. I wish you all the best in your studies and with work. Keep us posted on here.
Hey Stacy,
How did it go for you meeting with the advisor at the school?
Maria
Might be easier if you start making running notes for them to really take a look at the entire picture. So sorry that you suffer so! I do understand about the financial aspects of chronic illness, something always gets put on hold for something else!
Thank you for your kind words :) It does feel a lot better getting it out! I creep back in to stages of depression pretty badly, but it's been a lot better since I've been medicated. I just hope I can get off those someday. All the problems compound and can make me feel insane! BUT you are right about thinking positively. I truly try. Press on!! Wish you all the best, as well.
-Stacey
You know Maria,
It was fine! I feel silly now stressing myself out so much about it. I sat down with just my adviser and she said she didn't know why I was there, and that gave way to me feeling like I could just I wasn't sure why I was there either. I actually feel like I've been doing quite well in school compared to my last effort. I know I'm not the best student in the world right now, but I think I'm getting by pretty well! So we talked about what I have finished and what I have coming up and what my plan is for that. She doesn't sound the least bit concerned and in fact had received good remarks from one of my difficult professors and I even found out I got a B+ on a heavily-weighted exam that I was a little to stressed to actually prepare for. Guess I actually knew the information. I've been absent the last couple days because I had to do a presentation of research for my history class and hadn't had time to do much actual research yet. Wanted to do a good job, you know. It went really well, I think.
Regardless of how things turned out, I feel like I'm going to have that hanging somewhere over my head from here on out. Maybe that will be motivating or maybe it will be sickening. I don't know. But I do know that it was a good thing for me to get whatever frustrations where weighing on me at the time, out here so that I felt like it was bigger than me for a change. I like the way that felt.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
I am so happy for you. I am glad your meeting went well and if anything at least you are building a relationship with your advisor. Does she know about the fibro. The reason I ask is that her knowing will be a big help if you ever go into a flair-God forbid.
As for the "hanging over your head" thing-reach up and take it down. Try and accept it as part of you, this way it does not feel so heavy. Why should it? Why give it power? I have had many times in my life where the mental stress of having an illness caused my thinking to be way off and I did not realize it until I wrote it out here or in my journal. We all go through that. Good luck
Maria