# What NOT to say to someone with fibromyalgia
**URL:** https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354
**Category:** General
**Created:** [July 24, 2012, 10:48am UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354 "2012-07-24T10:48:57Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Jo11](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/Jo11)
#### Post date: [July 24, 2012, 10:48am UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/1 "2012-07-24T10:48:57Z")
After a lot of irritating comments over the last few weeks to myself and other sufferers I thought we could share (and vent on) those idiotic comments that we have to tolerate (or not). Eg:
- "We have all day (to drive 340 miles). You could just take a few breaks" (Errr what part of "no" didn't you understand?)
- "Oh you must have slept funny" (Go on say that again...)
- "But where do you hurt" (Same place as the last 7 years idiot, plus more!)
- "Maybe you should go to bed earlier" (Don't you think we try that?)
- "Yeah I'm a bit tired too..." (Oh please!)
- "Awwww are you feeling a bit sad today?" (Oh yeah, a happy meal from McDonalds will easily sort it out)
- "You can always have a lie down later" (In six hours? I am going now! See ya!)
- "We've only got another 5 (large) van loads (of branches and logs to shift)" (On your own mate!)
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### Author:  [@allergic](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/allergic)
#### Post date: [July 24, 2012, 11:12am UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/2 "2012-07-24T11:12:29Z")
Too funny! (but sad)
I think the worst one that gets me is "this is a really good book on psychosomatic pain, you should read it."
One doctor said to me (ex doctor) when I complained of neck pain "what did you do get a new boyfriend and try some kinky positions and mess your neck up?" That was on my second visit to him. Unreal.
"Oh, I know people who have fibro and they can still do everything." (I'd like to meet those people and learn their secret)
"Could you help me lift this, it's really heavy" (excuse me, but you haven't been listening)
"Why are you so tired, you don't do anything?" (grrrrrrr!)
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### Author:  [@Jo11](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/Jo11)
#### Post date: [July 24, 2012, 11:47am UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/3 "2012-07-24T11:47:18Z")
Yes it is funny in a way but still makes you want to tear a few heads off lol
Oh my god, how unprofessional is that doctor?! Plenty of idiots every where isn't there.
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### Author:  [@Jo11](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/Jo11)
#### Post date: [July 24, 2012, 1:08pm UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/4 "2012-07-24T13:08:04Z")
Hahaha. They're so stupid arent they? Sometimes you have to laugh. It's the only way without getting arrested.
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### Author:  [@Jo11](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/Jo11)
#### Post date: [July 24, 2012, 1:12pm UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/5 "2012-07-24T13:12:34Z")
Yeah I forgot that one. "Are you ok?" when they can clearly see you're not. Derrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!
And well done educating your mother. Thats one way of getting the point across. I know some genuinely lazy (and healthy) person who's excuse all the time is "I'm not in the right frame of mind", so guess what they get when they say something stupid to me, or ask me for a favour. What goes around comes around INNIT!!
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### Author:  [@aliana](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/aliana)
#### Post date: [July 24, 2012, 3:41pm UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/6 "2012-07-24T15:41:26Z")
wow! this is perfect
id also add when doctors say you should go out more often! as if i dont want to!!
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### Author:  [@allergic](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/allergic)
#### Post date: [July 24, 2012, 5:31pm UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/7 "2012-07-24T17:31:04Z")
Jo....
The doctor also, "they say poll dancing is good therapy, maybe you can try that." I was tempted to report him to the medical board. I should have. I'm too nice (sometimes) :")
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### Author:  [@allergic](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/allergic)
#### Post date: [July 24, 2012, 5:37pm UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/8 "2012-07-24T17:37:19Z")
Jillian...That's ok cause it will give you a way to ventilate, then you'll feel much better.
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### Author:  [@Jo11](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/Jo11)
#### Post date: [July 24, 2012, 5:52pm UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/9 "2012-07-24T17:52:48Z")
And this discussion is here to let off steam for eveyone who's feeling a little grumpy. Thats why I started it. lol.
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### Author:  [@Jo11](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/Jo11)
#### Post date: [July 24, 2012, 5:53pm UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/10 "2012-07-24T17:53:47Z")
Don't you just love the "experts"?! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr...
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### Author:  [@Jo11](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/Jo11)
#### Post date: [July 24, 2012, 5:57pm UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/11 "2012-07-24T17:57:34Z")
Hahaha!! I think you're doctor fancied you. I guess he was unattractive...? It's not always nice to be nice either is it? lol.
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### Author:  [@allergic](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/allergic)
#### Post date: [July 24, 2012, 7:11pm UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/12 "2012-07-24T19:11:18Z")
Oh please!!! Not my type. He probably just got done looking at a porn site in his office before he came into the room and was all wired up. Who knows? Wierdos.
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### Author:  [@explodinggirl](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/explodinggirl)
#### Post date: [July 24, 2012, 8:41pm UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/13 "2012-07-24T20:41:14Z")
I totally agree with this post, every sentence I read made me furious haha. Maybe someday more people will know about our conditions and stop trying to bring us all down
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### Author:  [@Jo11](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/Jo11)
#### Post date: [July 24, 2012, 9:02pm UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/14 "2012-07-24T21:02:31Z")
Hahaha!!
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### Author:  [@Renie](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/Renie)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2012, 7:33am UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/15 "2012-07-25T07:33:02Z")
This is hysterical Jo!
Don't forget the classics:
"My Doctor said Fibromyalgia isn't real"
"You're just lazy"
"I'm always tired too. I think I have it"
"At least it's not fatal !"
**And the 3 we hear most often:**
**"It's all in your head"**
**"You just need to exercise"**
**"But you don't look sick"**
There are some really stupid and tactless people out there....including most of my family !
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### Author:  [@Jo11](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/Jo11)
#### Post date: [July 25, 2012, 1:13pm UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/16 "2012-07-25T13:13:44Z")
Shocking isn't it that it usually is our family, and we hear more negative comments than helpful ones. The doctors are the next down the list too. OMG yes, and the people that think they have it too!! I have found load of people start "developing" our symptoms only a couple days after we share our pain experiences with them. That really gets my back up. "Oh yeah course you have it coz we can obviously go to work full time, and party til all hours etc etc etc!!" TUT!!
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### Author:  [@Renie](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/Renie)
#### Post date: [August 5, 2012, 1:51pm UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/17 "2012-08-05T13:51:35Z")
Article about this in Psychology Today:
[
](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201206/what-those-chronic-pain-or-illness-don-t-want-hear-you-say)
[What Those with Chronic Pain or Illness **DON’T** Want to Hear You Say](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201206/what-those-chronic-pain-or-illness-don-t-want-hear-you-say)
vs.
[What Those With Chronic Pain or Illness **DO** Want to Hear You Say
](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201207/what-those-chronic-pain-or-illness-do-want-hear-you-say)
Then, readers responses. I am just amazed at the things that come out of people's mouths.
And I have heard everything in the "It's Your Fault" Category !
[Unhelpful and Hurtful comments made by others.
](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201208/more-what-those-chronic-pain-or-illness-don-t-want-hear-you-say)
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### Author:  [@Jo11](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/Jo11)
#### Post date: [August 5, 2012, 3:13pm UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/18 "2012-08-05T15:13:07Z")
So sad but very true. It's shocking that we hear more hurtful than helpful comments. We maybe sensitive but we ARE still human! I'm so glad that most people who know me wouldn't have the spine to say something really insulting. I might be ill but I'll still bite back.
"If you can't say anything nice, keep your damn mouth shut!" lol
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### Author:  [@allergic](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/allergic)
#### Post date: [August 5, 2012, 5:14pm UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/19 "2012-08-05T17:14:32Z")
I have a friend from back east that I known for over thirty years and we talk to on phone once a year. Every time she asks "Are you back to work yet?" I know she thought I was just lazy or something. Finally, I emailed her and explained the whole deal. She emailed back saying "I feel like a total jerk for being so insensitive", and I guess "I didn't realize how difficult it is to live with chronic pain." Now I won't have to hear that question next time we talk.
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### Author:  [@Renie](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/u/Renie)
#### Post date: [August 5, 2012, 7:16pm UTC](https://forum.livingwithfibro.org/t/what-not-to-say-to-someone-with-fibromyalgia/354/20 "2012-08-05T19:16:06Z")
I'm so glad you got through to her! Many people won't listen, no matter how we spell it out..
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