Hi Cinnamon - Thanks so much for responding. Yes, I know that I have wonderful support from this website. I don't feel so alone with my illness now since I have joined a few months ago. It's true what you say, that I DO know the truth and have always been upfront about what I go through. Even though I got rid of a few people as friends, it was for my own sanity and health. It saddened me, but I didn't have a choice. They didn't understand and I know a 'friend' does not treat one like that. I am very supportive of those that have tough times in their lives, whether physically, mentally OR emotionally. I have always been this way and I am proud of it.
One time, years ago, when I was in therapy for other issues, I said to my therapist, Francine, ''I am too caring, too sensitive, too emotional'' and on and on. She stopped me mid-sentence and said, ''All these things make you the wonderful person you are today!'' I was stunned when I heard this, because I was putting myself down for being so invested in being there for those who hurt. It took me a while though to be okay with what she said and believe it. I adored her! Laurie
Yes Laurie it really hurts to be pushed away by our children for things we have no control over, and I do get tired of explaining why I need my walker one month but only a cane another month. If I go to the store once, I get a comment asking why can't I do it all the time? I have had to explain to dozens of people why I have a handicapped plaque but no wheelchair. People with arthritis look good too, but you say "arthritis' and everyone believes you and understands your limitations. Hopefully Fibromyalgia will get the same respect as more and more scientific proof makes people aware. The fibro TV commercials in 2011 showed people having fun at a picnic, walking and playing physical games with the kids so people were even more confused about how limiting fibro is, but in 2012, the commercial changed to a lady talking about severe, widespread pain, where she could barely move, and that she learned it's caused by overactive nerves causing pain. That alone seemed to make some people more understanding. I have a number of other illnesses, so I often mention those before I mention Fibro, because I'm exhausted explaining myself.
HI Sheila - (sigh) - we go through an awful lot don't we?? Overactive nerves causing widespread pain, sometimes seems to me to be an understatement!! I had a bad fall about 2 weeks ago and was hospitalized. After I got home, of course, the Fibro decided to join in. I can honestly say that it has truly been the worse flare-up in the 22 years I have had the illness. I am just now starting to feel a little bit better - but not much. The pain was so bad at times, I panicked -which is unusual for me. I started getting the impression that it wouldn't go away and I couldn't imagine my life being in this much pain for much longer. No doubt, the fall really triggered the Fibro BIG time.
I, too, have other problems as well. Sometimes, it really exhausts me when dealing with it all - especially when everything hits me all at once. My CFS is bad enough but it can get worse at times. With having Fibro over time, it has taught me HUGE patience. When I was young and there would be a slow person in front of me, I would often get impatient. I never said anything mean - but I was often annoyed. Not anymore! I am ashamed of myself for having felt this way too.
Yes, I remember seeing the first commercials about Fibro and I thought it was a real disservice to us that suffer so. Realistically, this really doesn't happen. Do you think I am right about this?? If one medicine really could do what commercials say, the amount of time we devote to finding something that works for us would've been cut in half. I am always on a quest to help myself feel better, but it's been a really long, hard road for me. Also, a lot of the doctors and nurses I encounter in this day and age are a joke! It's appalling to me that sometimes I know more than THEY do! I can't tell you how many times I have mentioned a new medicine that's been around for maybe a year or so, and the Doctors will have a blank expression on their face - not having any idea what I am talking about. They call themselves 'specialists!!' Laurie
I think we all get that comment about not looking sick, though I usually get told "you look so tired." Heck yeah I'm tired - try working 40 hours a week on about 15 hours of sleep!
After just going through a wedding for my daughter 2 years ago and having her in-laws try to run the show, I can understand their "interest" in your finances, though it ISN'T any of their business! Traditionally, its the brides family that pays for the wedding and one should only have the wedding that they can afford! Like someone earlier said, you do have to tread lightly in what you say for your son's sake. You may want to discuss the whole financial aspect with your son and what he is expecting from you. I'm sure he understands and may then let her parents know his expections of you. Then maybe they will shut up! I feel for you, as this should be a joyous time and you surely don't need the added stress. And weddings ARE stressful. I'm just so happy both my kids are married and it's all over. hugs to you~ Sandi
Hi Sandi - I have been in many weddings in my life and it always brings out the worse in some people. My own wedding was a fiasco dealing with my then husband's Grandmother! It's going to be very interesting when my son, Jason gets married. His fancee's Mother is a bona fide 100% Feminist! I don't mind Feminists as they do have some valid points - but Linda is just WAY over the top. It just annoys me so much. Nowadays, I really have to be firm with her. But by doing so, she is finally starting to respect me and be quiet...for once!! LOL Laurie
Good for you! I’m sure you know your limits and all will be fine with her. She doesn’t seem very compassionate - you would think she would do everything in her power to help you out because you’re the one who can’t work due to your disability. If you could, I’m sure you would do so especially for your son - he seems likes he’s got a good head on those shoulders and will stand up for his mom. You must have raised him right! By the way…congratulations! hugs~ Sandi
This is a great summary. I was pleased to see that chronic myofascial pain was also mentioned. That is overlooked so often, yet it likes to ride the fibro train!
Oh my, I have gone through so much that is similar! Maybe we all do. It takes more time to understand the basics than people are willing to take.
I have streamlined my answer by telling them it's a central nervous system disorder that can reach anywhere in the body anytime. Then when I have to cancel something or refuse to participate, I tell them it's a fibro thing.
I have medical personnel who love to try to schedule me in the morning. They quickly adapt when I tell them the fibro doesn't let go of muscles until afternoon.
I have taken the path of explaining but never justifying. A diabetic doesn't have to justify, so why should I?
You have been through the wringer, and I feel for you. Criticism is not what you need, as it simply increases stress and affects fibro. One answer that comes to mind is to tell her to talk to your son. (Also tell your son you are going to do this). This would be my first choice response.
Another is to turn things around. So you're willing to work outside the home but not be there for your daughter? Why don't you also volunteer? Do you have someone come in to clean your house while you are working? Why don't you do it yourself? etc. etc. etc. This is my least favorite way of responding, as it can become a negative relationship. But sometimes you have to do it.
Also, do you have a disability placard for your car? When I am under fire (and have not parked in a handicapped spot) I simply hold up the card and say "read it". :)
Above all, take care of yourself and shed as much stress as possible so you can enjoy the wedding!
Easy solution to wedding problems. The couple pay for their own wedding as most couples are doing now days.
I think now realizing her parents actually went back to work to pay for their daughter's wedding, who would not be mad about that?! BUT they should be able to speak with their daughter about their finances and just tell her sorry we cannot afford that kind of wedding! You want it you pay for it. So mom is mad and maybe feels ashamed they do not have the money so she takes it out on you. Cause you are taking care of yourself by not working. not going to parties you do not want to or helping to pay for a wedding that you cannot afford. You sound more like the feminist than she does lol!!
So to make peace, i would hope you present to your son that they pay for their own wedding. If her parents want to help pay for something that is great but they pay for majority. If you want to help in some way you can either pay for or sew the dress or bake the cake etc...than you do it.
But just listen to Suzie Orman about the number of couples that do not talk about money before getting married and than end up with one who spends like crazy and they end up fighting and in debt. This is great way for them to really work as couple and work within their budge to make sure they both are on same page when it comes to money.
If they say oh we have student loans or saving for house or any reason...well than really small wedding or wait till they can afford it. They could even have simple small wedding just close family than later when they have money throw reception like they wish. But i really now think this is why her mom is tossing so much anger at you.
Hopefully this will make peace for all of you and that would be nice thing. Just by possibly making peace for all sides your other child will hear about it from her brother and maybe think again about who you are and let you back in.
so hang in there!! you actually were being a much stronger person than it sounds like you gave yourself credit!! that is very good thing! good luck on wedding too...i hope the couple does pay for it themselves.. peace is worth every penny.