Hi, my name is Moriah. I’m 43 and I was diagnosed last October. I’m fortunate, diagnosis only took a year, but consensus is I was probably initially triggered in a car accident about 20 years ago and progressed slowly until the last few years.
My mother was diagnosed about 13 years ago. She finally convinced me I should stop ignoring my symptoms and get checked out. I just figured I’m getting older, it’s arthritis, everybody hurts, everybody gets tired. But in the last couple of years it’s gotten much worse, and in the last 3 months I’ve had 2 flare ups that had me pretty much stuck in bed or a recliner.
I get angry at myself for all the things I can’t do, like keep up at work, clean my house, run with my boys, remember and think like I used to. I feel guilty and lazy when I can’t do things and tend to push myself to hard. I have to work to help take care of my family, but getting out of bed and getting there is hard enough, let alone the mental and physical stress. But I keep telling myself I’m fine and pushing to ignore or go on in spite of how I feel.
My mom thinks I should apply for disability, but I keep thinking there are a lot of people worse of than me, why should I get to stop work. I am having a hard time admitting, even to myself, how bad I feel. I know I am not functioning like I did even 2 years ago. I know it’s getting bad, but I keep pushing myself to go on.
I could really use some thoughts on how to quit stressing myself, to admit where I am in this, and hot to deal with the depression and negative thoughts I am beating myself with. Mostly, I just would really like to feel less alone.
Rebecca,
When I figure it out I will help you! I was diagnosed in February of 2015. I too try to push myself. Thankfully my daughter and mother keep letting me know they think I am over doing it. I had to admit that my work was suffering as I was missing anywhere from one to two days a month. Begrudgingly I spoke to my dr and the hr department at my company, we came up with reduced work week. I now work 4 9 hour days and have 3 days off. 1 of those days is for me to just lay around and do nothing but recharge. Reducing your hours at work may help. Taking one day and telling everyone I need 1 day for me. It has helped me. Not that I don’t have flare ups I do but they seem to be less intense. Allowing me to drag myself to work and home. Not sure how old your sons are but maybe they can help with household chores.
Anyway just a thought
Thank you, Sarahleeza, glad to hear someone else who is fighting with accepting limitations.
My current work schedule is 4 9 hour days and a 4 hour day. I used to then go home and do my oldest’s school work with him, we are doing virtual school so his lessons are at home. For the last 2 months I have had help with that and it has made a big difference. Unfortunately, work isn’t really negotiable so I don’t have an option to reduce my hours. I am trying to take it a bit easier, but it is a high stress job so there’s not much to do.
My boys are 4 and 7 as of June 1. The oldest helps with trash and vacuuming, the youngest with recycling and putting away dishes. They both also help change their beds and pick up, as well as anything else I can ask their help with.
I have been cutting back on the weekends, if I feel really tired I let myself sit down and close my eyes. The boys understand some so they will try to take care of me. My boyfriend doesn’t really understand, but he also isn’t hard on me. If a load of dishes sits in the dishwasher waiting to put away or clean clothes are still in baskets he doesn’t care. He helps when he can but he works long hours.
Anyway, thanks for listening, and for responding. Feeling so lost and alone has been really hard, and learning to ask for help is taking me some time. Hope you’re having a good day!
I also had a hard time admitting I needed to slow down. I cut back on my hours at work to start with and started doing Yogi it has helped. I do not work now and live with my son and his 3boys. I still have times where I over do it. I hope you find what works for you.