I’ve never been able to find close friends since moving to Idaho Falls. So dealing with my Fibromyalgia and then cancer was pretty hard. My husband and my boys have been so good. The worst is when I mourn the loss of family in Hawaii alone.
Sunday my mom called to tell me my Aunty Rosie had passed away. I think since no one really knew her they don’t feel like l do. So I just wanted to climb in bed and sleep for days. I’m having a slight flair up. Guess even CBD can’t cover heartache. Most of all I’m really feeling the lack of a friend to talk to, lean on, and cry to. Is it just me?
No, it’s not just you. Your situation sounds similar to mine in some ways. I am divorced, so don’t have that support and though he is back in their lives (after a 12 year absence) I think it is safe to say he couldn’t care less about my health. My son is really the only one I have for support here, family-wise. And I struggle to make friends, too. Being shy doesn’t help that any and then not feeling well and always hurting, just adds to it.
I lost my grandpa last January and it hit me so hard. He was almost 94 (1 week shy) and they had been married for 68+ years. It would have been 69 this month. I felt like the whole world had come to a crashing halt - well, my world anyway - yet it seemed like no one noticed or understood really.
I miss his quiet chuckle in the background when I call my grandma now. And I can still see the twinkle in his eye. Malted milk balls, hot cereal, coffee and flannel shirts all remind me of him. And the birds and squirrels - he loved feeding them. And, yep, tears are falling right now. 
I guess what I am trying to say is that you can lean on my shoulder and cry if you want to, share stories, etc.
Sending gentle hugs your way.
Thanks, I think the hardest part is she’s my aunty by marriage to my uncle. My oldest son is named after him. He was my most favorite of my uncle’s. You might say she was my connection to him. Of course in my family I have to remember to distinguish the marriage difference. I just see aunt or uncle if you get it. Anyway every time I say my son’s name the connection is there and I hurt inside.
Your not alone. I’m sorry for your lose. It’s hard when you move to find new close friends. It’s taken awhile to find some, only to have them move or not understand when there is a flare up and you have to reschedule plans. Family is important and helps but there are times when ya need a true friend. Wishing you the best. God bless.
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I have lots of family and friends here in Houston and I still feel alone. Other people don’t understand how constant pain and fatigue can wear us down so much, especially since we don’t look as bad on the outside as we feel inside.
It’s hard to find empathy. I’m always available to talk to. I’m happy to share my phone number privately, if you’d like to talk directly. Typing is painful for me, so I prefer to talk.
My husband and I have had 12 people close to us die of unnatural causes in the past year, including my mother, nephew, Godmother (mom’s sister), and two cousins.
You are not alone. And you are strong and resilient.
Mary
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