Not really a vent, more an extended update-y thing

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first of all:

thanks to all of you for the lovely birthday wishes! <3

I had a good time, my parents came to visit and it was relaxed and nice.

I originally had planned to celebrate with my friends next week, but my best friend has a herniated disk in her neck and needs to have surgery. Luckily, it's only a teeny tiny surgery and has little risk (from what I understand, there's a bit of (forgive my english here XD ) spinal disc.. matter that has squeezed out and build a drop-shaped nub. This nub has to be removed, but the rest will stay untouched, so there's little to no risk of damaging anything important (they're also only cutting from the neck, not the throat)

we're all optimistic that she'll be okay and after a few weeks, she's supposed to make a full recovery with no lingering after-effects.

BUT that means i'll wait for her to recover fully before celebrating, because without her, it just wouldn't be the same :)

(we're of course not going to go wild and act like teenagers, but we wanted to make a nice trip to Nuremberg, do some relaxedx sightseeing and that, so she needs to be well and good on her feet for a while without back/neck pain)

about me...

well, I think I'm starting to develope light fibro-fog symptoms. Last thursday, after my usual daily work, I went to see a counsellor for insurance things (just went there to see what I need, what I can get and what it'll cost) and it took a few hours.

When I stepped out, I was tired as f*** and yet totally giddy and hyper, anxious and bored and simply everything at once. I vomitted language at my colleague (who went with me) and when she left the bus, I was all jumpy and skittish, kind of confused and in general felt like... anxiously drunk? I know that being too tired will result in me feeling/acting drunk (given I've never actually BEEN drunk in my life)

and even after I went home, dressed and settled in bed, I was all keyed up, still anxious, having maybe a little episode of de-realisation/depersonalisation, with me feeling wrong and like things weren't supposed to be like they were.

after sleeping it was mostly back to normal for me.

But lately, I've experienced cumulative, little moments of... mh, maybe best described as "weirdness". Like... when I'm not really sure if I should be where I am at the moment, small dizzy spells, small moments of becoming horribly stressed out over nothing, then being perfectly calm in the next.

it doesn't really worry me yet, but it makes me wonder if it's just a new "bad episode" or if it's the fibro progressing/developing.

To explain, throughout the years, ever since my mid-teens, I've had good and bad episodes, psychologically speaking. There were times, weeks to months, where I was FINE, no depression, minor anxiety/panic disorder symptoms, just... feeling fine in general. This fine sometimes borders on euphoria and/or mania. And then there are the really bad episodes, lasting weeks to months, too. Where the anxiety and panic disorders are so bad I can barely leave the house, even for work, where I have major depressions, you know the deal.

My therapist told me I might have a very mild case of a bipolar disorder, but it's not obvious enough to diagnose, or more like.. if it's not too severe, I shouldn't add that to my list of issues, too.

hum...

other than that...

when it's not the cold bothering me, it's the heat, since we can't seem to have normal, medium-warmthed weather anymore XD

all my wishes to all of you <3

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Hi Dwaggie!

Hope your best friend heals completely from surgery and it is successful! I know you will be there for her!

Perhaps you should mention your own feelings or as you call them 'episodes' to a medical Doctor and see what they say, see if there is mild treatment for a mild case of this. Why suffer this or anything else that may be able to be helped or corrected. These negative feelings that hit you at times can only make your fibro worse.

Sweetheart anything that makes someone who is as fun loving, as life loving as you too panic stricken to leave your house just seems like it needs to be addressed more seriously. I'm not trying to freak you out, just worth seeing if something could calm this in you! Even you out!

Hope this makes sense to you, I'm certainly not an MD, just think you need to speak to one!

Love and hugs,

SK

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I agree with SK you should see your doctor. Im glad you had a good time with your parents.

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Hello Dwaggie

You have quite a way with words! I mean that it was uplifting to read your comment. Thank you for updating us and letting us know that the birthday greetings were much appreciated. Also for describing in detail what happened after work at the Insurance office and how your body reacted. It will no doubt be helpful for some new member to read because he/she may be experiencing the same thing and wondering why.

It sounds like your body was trying to tell you that after your day's work you should have gone home and rested. What you thought would be a short time at the Insurance office turned out to be much longer than you had anticipated..........and overload on your body. I would consider it a warning from your body that rest was needed to prepare for the next day of work.

How much of the information at the Insurance office do you think that you retained? Most likely you would retain more if you went when you were refreshed.

But life doesn't come in such a convenient package. So, we push ourselves beyond our limits and then pay up for it, don't we? I pushed for many years until my body wore out and could do no more work at my job. I suppose that particular day you had to go to see about your insurance. I hope you came home with written information so that you can read it when your brain is fresher.

You are young so I am hoping that you will learn to listen to your body and rest when it tells you it's time.

Gentle hugs

Rachel