Hi all. Is anyone else having issues with sex drive? For me, its killing my relationship with my fiancee. He has been so understanding about fibro and is an amazing man. I just don’t have the urge to have sex. He feels like I’m not attracted to him which is not the case at all. We are so distant right now. Anyone have any suggestions or personal experience? Thanks in advance!
Yes and no. By the end of the day I'm too wiped out for much of anything other than sleep. And my husband has had back surgery; needs a hernia operation; needs knee replacement... so in other words, his libido ain't much, either! But I suggest some cuddling etc. in the morning vs. the evening. Perhaps by trying to make love earlier in the day, before you're totally wiped-out by work or kids or the stress of everyday life, you may be able to rekindle the physical side of your love life -- making both of you feel better and demonstrating your love for him in a sexual way.
Some of the medications you're probably on also reduce libido. If you're on Cymbalta or another anti-depressant, lowered libido is a well-known side effect. Same with many other meds for fibro. Speak to your doctor about this. Perhaps there are other pills you can take instead? Start small - kisses, cuddles, tender touches, and work up to "it!" Good luck. You can do it. Just takes dedication and trying different times of day.
Hey, Cadensmom, yes if its not one thing that will get us its another. Either the fibro or the medications we take.
Here is a hint though. Give into 4 play for five mins. I read somewhere about 5 years ago that it only takes the body and your mind about 87 seconds to switch from not being interested to being interested and to tell you what I believe it. Because I could care less if I have sex but shortly after 4play has started I’m interested!
I also have this problem. Most days I'm just too tired to do anything but put my head on a pillow. I hear you about the relationship thing. My husband gets so frustrated with me and since we are trying to have a baby this really doesn't help. My only suggestion is trying to talk to him and explain that you are physically not feeling it. It has nothing to do with him or not loving him. Also give in to 4play more. I have noticed that my husband loves to give me back rubs to make my pain better and while doing that we both get turned on. It is a win win for both of us. Hope this helps.
Ducky
This really does sound like excellent advice. And a good way to stimulate the interest again. Men really need sex, far more than women, and to them, it means "love." It's very easy for them to lose interest if it's not there, unlike most women. So it's important to rekindle that fire however you can, so the relationship doesn't dwindle. Foreplay is a nice, fun way to hopefully rekindle your own passion..
Good luck!
http://www.netplaces.com/great-sex/sexual-response-in-men-and-women/sexual-dysfunction-in-women.htm
http://m.psychologytoday.com/blog/divorce-busting/201001/9-tips-the-spouse-higher-sex-drive
Here are a couple good websites on sex drive.
I would suggest to start by having a conversation with your significant other. Explain that you enjoy sex just as much as he/she does but that its either your medication or exhaustion that has decreased your desire to have sex and that by no means that you are rejecting him or her, and that its just something that you have to figure out how to work around it. Keep him or her involved in your lack of libido.
Now how to explore what’s going on besides exhaustion. Try cuddling with gentle touching or massage, pick up some of those new KY jellies that are supposed to heighten the experience. They are built to heighten your experience by brining more bloodflow to your erogenous area. Let him know that he may have to do a little work but in the end both of you will be happier. :o.
If you can’t find any private ways of increasing your libido then its time to talk to your doctor.
I have CFS so I am always tired and not in the mood and as wonderfully understanding as my husband is he does get TSBU and starts to get a little frustrated with me. So as tired as I am I think to myself. Only a minute of playing Danielle and you’ll get over the sleepies lol. And sure enough yep! Not only that but I usually sleep like a baby afterwards!
I hope a little of this helps you a little bit and you can rev up your libido!
Punkin!
Relationships are very hard with fibro if the significant other cant understand.
Even as a Guy ive had a hard time in relationships because of this. Cuz most girls think guys want sex 24/7/ And they will think its very odd or strange, If I turn them down.
In my last marriage when I was in severe pain after a days work, or on medication that was decreasing sex drive. My wife would get very mad if I turned her down... and she would resort to saying i must be cheating on her if I didnt want to do it right then and there. Id try and reason with her that I was in severe pain and even my skin hurt. She had no way of being able to understand this being healthy her whole life. Its very frustrating. Even worse most of the time when I feel like that I can still be turned on as Guy and still want sex but it just hurts so bad its not worth it till im down to just a flu like ache. Now that I have two baby girls to take care of and Fibro and im older now 31. I feel as ive hit a spot in my life where its going to be even more difficult to initiate relationships again. And its just no fun at all living alone in pain. Ive heard in the past of many guys divorcing there wives because of fibro and or any other sickness that stops sex unless there an older couple. And i feel it may be becoming the same way for me even though im a Guy. For those who have compassionate mates that stick through the hard times, be thankful. People like that are rare.
Well, Brady, I will say this- the sex/libido issues do not really change with age. I am 48, as is my husband, and he gets frustrated and angry with me a lot. In the last year or so, we have had sex only a handful of times and I did not enjoy it as I was in pain. I couldn’t care less if I had sex now. Don’t get me wrong, and I do tell my husband this, I want to want to have sex. I miss it. I miss being ale to enjoy it. It’s just one of the many things that have drastically changed in my life since my fibro hit full force. And, as with most people with fibro, my best times are in the mornings, and my husband works so he always wants it in the late evenings when I am ready to go to bed. And, like your wife, he has accused me of having an affair, saying that if I didn’t want it from him, I must be getting it somewhere else. Do I worry about him leaving me? Yes. Do I worry that if he does I will be alone the rest of my life? Not too much cuz I like to be alone for the most part. Do I wonder what it would be like to be out in that awful dating world? Hell yes! LOL. I don’t know what the answers are. I don’t know how you would approach a new relationship with this topic. I can tell you this, though. It is best to be open and honest with anyone you think you might get serious with. I would say that most women would understand and be more than happy to work around this issue and all the other many issues that arise because f fibro. You a very young and some of your ex’s issues might stem from the fact that she is also young? You need to date a cougar like me. LMAO
I guess I will have to double up on my pain meds and suck it up. It probably wouldn’t take too long because it has been so long! LOL