Does anyone know

How do you even start to explain to someone just how hard making it through the day can be. My husband is a former U.S.Army Ranger his idea of pain and mine are world apart. I don’t want him too look at me I’m" less than" but the whole suck it up it’s just in your head stuff can really get into your head. I fine my best to explain fybro to him before we were married 6 years ago but it’s almost like trying to explain color to someone who can’t see. He has very high expectations ooh how the house and the yard should be and since I’m the one at home that falls on me, not meaning too complain just need some help i do my best every day but some days i just can’t i have nothing left to give. How do you get someone to understand?

Hello Anna,

I am so sorry fo hear about your situation. i totally agree about trying to explain Fibro to someone. There are a few good sites here that do that, letter from a chronic pain sufferer and the spoon theory, that you could try. Sometimes people just can't understand. Reach out to people who do, pace yourself, try other things like meditation, mindfulness. Have alook round here, there are lots of helpful suggestions. Be proud of yourself, if hubby has stayed with you for 6 years you must be doing something right! Let us know how you are doing.

Take care, Anne

I see many people at this site, who are spouses of people with Fibro. They come here to talk to us.. to ask questions, etc. They seem to get a better understanding when they hear several people explain symptoms, especially fatigue. Maybe there is a meeting in your local area, where you both can attend.. Like "living with Fibro" seminar. Education is key, people think we can just shake it off.. Best of Luck.. xo

Hi, Anna. I have had success with those closest to me by suggesting articles on how it feels to live with chronic illness like The Spoon Theory. Most understood and those who I felt did not really make effort to understand and continued to be insensitive, I had a serious heart-to-heart with and asked it be respected that I have a painful illness and I will not accept being told I should not complain or need only to exercise or I am lazy. Those who have respected this, I keep in my circle of support, and for the others, I do not discuss my illness with, but instead keep as acquaintances. This has worked for me.

I will hope the best for you and your husband. As Anne said, if you’ve been married this long, you are doing something right. :slight_smile: I am hopeful your husband will come around.



Hello Anna,

You summed it up beautifully when you said it was like trying to explain color to a blind person. That is exactly right! Our pain is so unique that only others with fibro, or perhaps an autoimmune illness, will understand just how much it hurts...and in so many different ways.

As to your husband, some people have had luck by giving the unaffected person a copy of the Spoon Theory to read. Here is a link if you need one:

I believe that there are other letters written for spouses of fibro suffers included in this site. Maybe at Fibro 101?

The trouble is that it takes a lot, A LOT for it to stick. I had told my family all about it for two years straight and thought they understood. Until my sister got a little tipsy and started berating me for being ill, while my mother expected me to go out with her and keep up when I visited. Fortunately, more time has passed and I think they get it now. But it's so hard to get them/people to listen to us!!! And that is why it's so important to come to this board.

I have two other suggestions. The first one is to have him accompany you to your doctor's office and have your doctor explain fibro to your husband. The other possibility is to invite him to visit here and read other people's experiences. I have done that from time to time, when I became extremely frustrated and needed to get through to my family. It does work, even if you only read off the titles of the discussions to him.

I hope you can get your husband to understand you and your illness a bit more. I think he needs to know that you aren't neglecting him; you are trying your very best to keep your head above water in a nasty, croc-infested illness.

Hugs to ya,


Baltimore Babe, I love your attitude about your friends/loved ones and fibro. Good for you for standing up for yourself in such an empowering manner! I love it!