I don’t even know where to start. I’ve really been struggling with my Fibro pain and severe lower back pain on top of that. I work 12-13 hour shifts 1-2 days per week and they are practically killing me. I am sitting in front of a computer and within a couple hours my back is locking up and I can hardly get up and down out of my chair to get to the printer/fax machine. It’s so painful and also embarrassing. I’m pretty much in bed the next day after a shift. I applied for disability and was denied. Last night I cried all the way home, which is actually the norm. I also frequently hold back the tears while im working. I feel like such a loser and so alone. All my husband says is he’s sorry I’m in so much pain and he loves me. In a way I feel like he’s letting me down by not telling me to quit my job and then I feel bad for feeling that way. I have 3 children from a prior marriage-14 year old stil at home. I receive no child support. And I know it’s not his responsibility to provide for her. We also have a 2 year old together and after I had her is when I developed the Fibro. I have basically NO support. My mom lives 1600 miles away and is an alcoholic. I have 1 friend I talk to, but feel bad unloading on her all the time. I’ve had counseling. I just don’t know what to do anymore and how much longer I can go on. Losing all hope… Advice?
Hello mrsg,
Oh how I know how you feel! I had a severe breakdown 3 years ago, took time off work but went back, even though I didn't feel ready, as they were going to cut my pay in half.
I managed, struggled daily, like you, at times held back tears, I kept going like this for a year, I really don't know how I did but I eventually reached breaking point again, but much worse, I just knew I couldn't go through all that again, my Husband knew I was struggling but not how much as I didn't like to say I was at breaking point, I didn't know which way to turn, couldn't eat/sleep/concentrate, eventually I attempted suicide, I thought it was the only way out of the daily struggle, I felt I was beyond help, but I wasn't !
With massive support from my husband, son, psychiatrist and GP, I began to feel better, without any hesitation, I resigned from my £22.000 a year job as a senior nursing sister, I'd rather be poor than feel like I did any longer.
I can't tell you the immense relief, but sadly with all the emotional trauma and stress I'd been through I then developed fibro, which believe me is no where near as bad as how I felt back then! I can honestly say that resigning saved my life, my anxiety and panic at having to carry on was just too much to bear.
We're not well off but we manage, we have enough for heating and food, but at least now I can rest, relax and look forward to the rest of my life.
Like you I have nobody to really talk to, other than my husband, who has been lovely, I think he finally realised just how much I was keeping back from him with my daily struggle, and is just grateful to have me with him still.
We have a "no frills" life but we have each other and am glad now my suicide attempt didn't work.
PLEASE don't do what I did, talk to your husband, show him this if you like, I wish now I'd opened up to my husband rather than resort to such a drastic measure!!
If you need to talk again, I'm a good listener, but please talk!
Love Lucy xx
Oh, msrg, no, you are NOT alone. My medical problems came one on top of the other beginning in 2010. I finally did quit my job because I didn't want to be fired for poor performance. That one act started a downhill emotional spiral. I lost my identity when I had to quit working after 30 years. I lost the ability to help my family financially, and we began suffering terrible financial distress. Doctors were less than sympathetic and couldn't "find" anything wrong. Family (other than my absolutely rock solid husband) began to act like they thought I was making it up.
Last November I allowed the feeling that I had nothing to live for to win, and I tried to kill myself. I'll never forget waking up in my living room instead of in Heaven. I went to my husband and confessed what I had tried to do, and my comment to him was "Even God didn't want me." That's how desperate I felt.
But that dark period was the beginning of a turnaround for me. I saw to it that I scheduled counseling right away, and fortunately my counselor has been just what I needed. She is my lifeline, and to this day I see her every week or two. Even at the hospital when I had to keep "confessing" what I had done to everyone who came in, I was treated with such kindness and care. Not pity. No. They really were concerned and encouraging.
I found this site after that, and seeing that so many people have exactly the same issues as I do allowed me to finally accept that I do have Fibro. Up to that time, I thought it was just another one of the "phrases" the doctors threw out because they couldn't come up with anything better. I was just sure there was something "fixable" that they weren't finding.
My friends here on this site saved my sanity, and I am slowly accepting this new state of normal.
The thing I am working on right now is reducing stress. Fibro is so impacted by stress. And as I get rid of stress, I am having less severe pain. I can actually sleep in my bed for a few hours once or twice a week without the pain driving me out. At the peak of my pain, I dreaded going to bed because it represented the most pain I was in all day long. I think you know what I'm talking about because it sounds like our symptoms are very similar.
I even started working again today. It was my first day. I love crafts, and I have an embroidery machine and I can digitize logos and such, and I found a job at an embroidery shop as a "production assistant." I am only working 20 hours a week, but I am getting back out into the world again. I think this is going to help us financially as well as return me to a bit of normalcy as far as not sitting alone at home 24/7.
My advice is to definitely share with your husband and see what you can do to stop working, at least the job you are working. Maybe instead of a couple of really long days you could do like I am, more short days. Then reduce all the stress you can. I believe you will find if you can lighten your stress load you will do much better.
If you ever feel alone, write one of us! We are all struggling with exactly the same issues as you are.I need friends, too, so I invite you to message me any time you need to. Even the middle of the night (lol) as I am frequently online at very odd hours.
I pray you have a good day, one day at a time!
Wendy
Have you talked to your doctor about filling disability again? Talk to your husband maybe their is a way you can change jobs or stop work all together. I recently came out on fmla and have had to cut back on some things.
Dear mrsg.
So sorry things are so rough on you right now! You have lots of friends here that understand what you are up against!
I really understand the back pain, I worked until I could not get out of bed! My best advice is to get with your best Doctor and get some x-rays of the lower back, get some blood work done, even if you've done these things before, ask yourself and your Doctor how recently.
Don't lose hope, gotta hold on to that, my friend!
Sending some love and hugs your way!
SK
Hi my name is Jeannie I was you, I was in terrible pain in fact I was a RN 20+ yrs ago the treatment for Fibro was just forget about it I worked full-time 9 yrs till it nearly killed me the pain was horrific I was sicker then the people I was looking after it burnt me out I was not on strong enough pain meds I could not sleep at all my heart began playing up my body was just screaming at me to stop. I just said to my husband this is what I've got I can't do what I had been doing either believe me and support me if you can't then I want a divorce because this is not going away and I can't live with you if you resent me everyday. I know things may be tight finanialy but it's not helping you one bit a kiss on the top off the head and I love you are just words let him prove it let him take on a few more hours, your son is old enough to help him out. Let people know what town and state you live in and ask on one of the discussion boards does anyone know a Fibrq friendly doctor then at least you will get some pain medication strong enough to help. and something to help yousleep.and with depression, you should not be feeling like this I would like to give you a grrat big hug I dcan feel you pain if you want to be a friend just send a request you will get through this to the other side we all care believe it luv & Hugs Jeannie