Yes Mark, I have compromised a bit. I used to be a perfectionist and learned that it's much healthier not to live that way. Both physically and emotionally. Sorry you have gone through this to a much greater extent than many of us here. Hope you're doing ok.
Kitty
If that works for you, that is fantastic. When I was dealing with just fibromyalgia, I was able to do more around the house. It was at that time that my wife and I struck a deal, I did all the cooking and she'd do the cleaning up. That was a deal that worked for us as she was not a very good/confident cook and I was a gourmet cook who's hobbies include collecting cookbooks (mostly from the early 1900's/lates 1800'), reading them like novels and amassing fine knives, pots/pans and kitchen gadgets.
Because it was important to us, my wife and I had a house ceaning service come in once a week. So essentially, my wife straightened up, did the laundry and shoveled the snow. I cooked for the family, family get togethers, holidys, etc., It worked for us so that is what we did.
Hi Cassee,
Sorry to read that you broke your knuckle, but great that you won't be forcing yourself to have a perfect home until it heals.I have had Fibro all of my adult life, and I adapted and learned many tricks about cleaning house.
1. I bought a wheeled stool like a Dr. stool. I sweep and mop while scooting on that, I have a taller stool for doing dishes and sitting by the stove to cook, sitting at the counter to chop veggies and prep food.
2. I learned that my jobs don't have to be done religiously every few days. I lowered my standard of perfection some. Things get done when I am able. It's not worth pushing so hard that I make myself sick. I was OCD about my house before I got sick but I had to calm down.
3. I clean out as many items in my house as possible. The less I have, the less I have to take care of. Simplify your life, minimize. Why have 1 gadget to cut eggs, one to cut strawberries, one to slice tomatoes etc. when a knife can do them all?
4. I started my children helping me very young and it turned out a great thing, because when they grew up, they were teaching their own friends how to do simple household chores and meals. Most had no clue how to clean anything or make a simple meal alone.
5. I have hired a housekeeper now and then, especially to help with Christmas decorating, wrapping, cleaning, and undecorating, and I have one now, just twice a month for the harder jobs. It amazes me how easily and quickly she does things that would take me days.
5. Take breaks. I have to work for 10 minutes, then rest, then work 10-20 more minutes, then rest. Take each job and do it in little chunks.
6. Get the lightest tools you can. I love my Vileda mopper. It's like a Wet Jet, but the pad is washable and I can use my own cleaning solution rather than buying theirs all the time. Vileda has about 8 types of mops but I found mine to be the easiest. Aluminum brooms are lighter than wood handled ones. Get a lighter vacuum for little jobs, even a manual carpet sweeper, then keep the big vacuum for when it all needs a thorough vacuuming.I don't do anything on my knees. I do it while sitting. I use a long handled reacher to get things that are on the floor or out of reach or rolled under the bed. If I HAVE to kneel to get it, I roll up a towels to kneel on, but that doesn't happen very often now that my kids are grown. I vacuum while sitting as much as possible.
7. I have learned that strong chemical cleaners make me sicker, so I have gone back to old fashioned cleaners like baking soda (kills germs), vinegar (cleans glass and chrome), hydrogen peroxide (disinfecting for viruses, infections) and they are much cheaper. I like my pine-sol (so many scents to choose from) but I just use a capful for a huge amount of water.
8. I hire help for the yard and I have a relative help take out the garbage. Don't know if you need that yet. I also have lupus and heart failure so I can't make the trek to the back alley.But it is often worth it to hire a teen girl or college girl to do a lot of the jobs for $10-15 an hour. Don't feel guilty about hiring help. Delegation is a great way to be more productive. Healthy people even hire help, so why not you? Even if just once in a while.
Necessity is the mother of invention. I hope more ideas come to you so you can adjust to your "new normal" and make things easier.
Thats great Marc, its all about respectful give and take. I just feel bad for the ones who try to do it all themselves and think thats their responsibility to do it all themselves.Includeing picking up after others.Then they give up and sit in a dirty messy house. They feel stuck and lower their standards of living. They arent happy though. I just try to encourage moms to stop doing it all and doing the picking up after others. Thats not a good habit. I really feel for them. A clean house is not difficult if everyone stops messing it up. One girl told me her boyfriend calls her a neat freak when she cleans up after him. Not very nice to call her names. Basically hes saying, lets live in a cluttered home together, you deal with it cause Im not picking up after myself. Sorry about venting. I love my clean home and the respect we show one another. I want woman to know its possible. Its all about respect.
Cassee,
I thought of a gadget that would help you get around. You can rent them from medical supply stores. You kneel on the seat part with your bad side, and scoot yourself along. I can't use crutches either. Too weak. This is called a knee scooter.
I was the same until I brokered a deal with my housekeeper to change my sheets once a month. I was a once a 4-5 monther. Ugh! We do what we can.
Welcome to the site, Cassie, it’s good to see you being an active participant! There are a lot of good suggestions here. In our house it’s myself, my husband & our 7 month old. I consider myself lucky he’s not I to the trashing stage yet, lol! I used to be a clean freak myself. It’s been very difficult for me to learn to live with anything but that, however, I finally convinced myself that it wasn’t worth the excruciating pain the day after. It’s all about pacing yourself. Fibro definitely will change every aspect of your life but if you can let go of the life you had before & focus on finding the positive in everything you can, it will make it so much easier on you. But that is just my philosophy. I hope you enjoy your time on the site & again, welcome!
Gentle hugs,
Amanda
Hi. I'm new here. I've never posted, but this topic is exactly what I'm wondering about too. I'm one of 7 and my mother was a f/t mom AND worked outside of the home, and she always said: "Look, I'm in no "house beautiful" competition. People are more than welcome to clean if they don't like it, but it just isn't going to ever be perfectly clean here!" We were not sickly, we were happy. April, she didn't have 2 boys, she had FOUR. Plus three girls. Nine people in the home, plus many strays that came in bc big families are attractive to other kids. She had no problems up to 4 kids. After that, things had to relax. April, you've had quite a run on here, bordering on insinuating others of us just don't try hard enough or are lazy. Which would be "flaming". Not fair! My mother was very intelligent, raised in a very wealthy home and sent to charm school, the whole 9. She knew good manners. She was also perfectly well, always strong, never sick. I wish I was like her! Well, I once was.
I really wish I could afford a housekeeper, but I live on a very tiny income on disability. I learned long ago that my idea of "normal", what used to be normal for me, had to be redefined. You allow much more time for things. You schedule one thing in a day rather than back to back all day. Maybe even just one thing in a week! It's SO important to listen carefully to your body as you go. And then only do what you can handle. Fibro fog makes me very forgetful. I just had to drop the perfectionistic tendencies in every way. I a not that person anymore. Yes, I was once. Now it is very different. And that's okay. You don't have to think of it as lowering your standards, just as allowing what's real to be okay. That's your particular normal. None of what we go through is exactly "normal" by well people's standards anyway, so it seems clear to me we each have to decide what ours now is.
I have arthritis in my entire spine. 11 herniated discs, stenosis both cervical and lumbar, degenerative discs and fibro aggravates it all. I also have frequent migraines and lots of other gifts of fibro and other issues, like past injuries from my life as an equestrienne, some accidents and so forth. I am ALWAYS in pain. I never ever get a break. Ever. The truth is no pain killer has ever actually worked that well, or left me without pain. And some of the stronger ones give me rebound migraines, so I have to be careful. And I accept that I just will have a certain amount of pain. I also have no help. It all gets rather depressing.
Last year my new husband suddenly left me for another woman...who is younger and doesn't have fibro. I was completely stunned, hurt shocked, greif stricken, you name it. Heck, I wish I could break up with fibro myself. He had RA and back surgeries, as retired military he had been through several wars, and was living with his own aftermath. I thought we were 2 peas in a pod. Apparently not. I sunk into such a deep depression. Pain levels through the roof. For me, emotional stuff triggers me at least as much as physical. Maybe more.
Here's the upshot. I haven't cleaned my house in a year. Nor my yard, which is out of control. Yes, I have done surface stuff, dishes, cleaned the countertops and changed my bed sheets and done laundry. Also the toilets. As was mentioned, I could never do all that in a day or even a weekend. I do what I can, as I can. I simply CAN NOT do any more. I once read to set a timer for 15 minutes, go into one room, and work until the timer sounds. Then STOP (before you hurt more than you know and can handle). That has helped me. I've always been a hard worker so I will go and go until I collapse and am in so much pain I end up trembling, crying and in too much pain to change clothes or even sleep. No money to hire help and no one to voluntarily help. The floors and low things are the worst. But high is getting more and more difficult. Cleaning out a closet or the garage? Impossible. Do I like this? No. I love a clean house as much as the next guy. But what can I do? Stressing out only further aggravates pain. So at some point, learning how to let go of things I can't do, or can't do right now, is just mandatory. We aren't Generals and there is no regiment to rally. It's just real fallible folks who are in tons of pain. Hopefully we can think up some creative solutions or find gadgets to help, but my advice is just go slow. Err on the side of LESS until you can inch up and see how much you are capable of doing, rather than pushing on a little more. You will find out tomorrow if you really could have or not, trust me!
I cut up a cantaloupe today and had to lay down with my shoulder hurting and give out. I did the pineapple this afternoon. I bought them on the bargain cart. What is normal for you is not normal for someone else-no apologies. I haven’t swept or mopped a floor in years. My boyfriend has taken over. I hire a housekeeper. I just have to. He made the mistake and didn’t listen to me. He sprayed the wooden floor with pledge, and I’ve spent the last week falling. Holly came Wednesday and tried to get it up. Thank The Lord. Never again. Liz don’t be insulted by others. Some just don’t think. Remember, we live pretty egocentric worlds. I think about me all the time. I make no apologies. I have to. Sometimes we forget how our words affect others. Gentle hugs.
I’m going through the same thing right now, as irecently separated from my husband. I further breakdown chores into subgroups, i.e. Floors, decluttering,etc. I also have invested in the cushiony floor mats, I use them to kneel/sit on as I scoot around cleaning low level areas. I also use many disposable dinnerware and cups. I used to keep a ton of family photos and other things on shelves, however found that dusting these areas just took time. My most helpful tip I can say is carts with wheels. Trash cans with wheels, laundry baskets with wheels, wagon (with wheels!) to unload groceries, even a small makeup bag with wheels made a difference.
My jaw drops April, to see how judgmental and closed minded you are being. (Ok, I just went to your page and I see that you are still very young, so I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt just due to your lack of experience.) Please realize that everyone is not in your same situation. Some have many small children and infants that take a ton of work and a ton of items around the house. Most teenagers will not clean when you tell them, or how you tell them. Many of us have special needs members of the family, and just caring for them takes up all our strength, so that having your "spotless" house is not even an option..Many have pets who make muddy messes and other messes, and the owners have to clean their messes in a bit at a time, because their illness is so severe. I think everyone who is reading your posts on this thread has taken offense or been slightly hurt, but I just hope you will grow to a place where you have more compassion for others who are worse off than yourself. I think that will come as you gain some years and see more people's lives and situations..
Most people with lupus also have a number of other illnesses as well, and they do well to even get their coat hung up. I see nothing in your posts about this respectful give and take you mention. Please don't insult those who can't do things your perfect way.
Amen!
Oops I meant "People with Fibro often have multiple other illnesses". Also, most people don't have such cooperative family members as you do. I am blessed, I live with my mother and we are too sick to make much of a mess but I still have to hire someone for the vacuuming, dusting, mopping and a few other things.But I remember when I was raising my children, and my husband and my teens were not so great at helping out.
Sheila . I wasnt aware that I was talking to others on here with other medical conditions besides Fibro. I assumed they would disregard my posts on their own since this is a Fibro. board and so I thought thats who I was posting to. My family cooperates because they love my husband and I and we have taught them respect. Its not ever an option to be disrespectful. Especially to someone you love. Or to the things we value. Maybe the housecleaning problems a lot of moms face is due to a lack of respect in their homes. I have learned the hard way in my life that if I dont respect myself my kids and hubby wont respect me either. Believe me we have sat down as a couple and as a family about a dozen times when I was diagnosed with Fibro. We discussed what that meant for me and how it was going to affect everyone in the home and what was required of each of them in order to have a life we are happy about as we adjust to my limitations. In no way was it acceptable to make our home messy. It did take a few family meetings to discuss this,calmly and respectfully. The boys were younger then so bad habits had not become established in them and the habits they had were easily broken with gentle reminders and some consequences. .We explained what respect was multiply times untill they understood it. Any parent can do this with their kids even if they have 12 kids. Usually when a husband and kids dont respect their mother its because the mother isnt assertive. SHe is wishy washy,picks up after them,yells,complains,nags ect. Thats all passive agressive. I use to be that way untill I started counseling when I got diagnosed. It took a while, maybe 4 months tops, till everything fell into place. The sit down face to face talks were what turned things around. My boys and hubby saw me cry a few times and that got their attention. I felt buried by their mess in my own home and would often stay in my bedroom where it was pretty and clean. I know I came on too strong on the board here and I feel bad . Iguess reading how these poor woman are being treated by their families made me rise up and want to say,hey, itdoesnt have to be like that. I just went about it the wrong way. Im not known for my tact. I spent too many years letting people and life walk all over me and crying and complaining about it. My counselor changed my life . Now if she can only teach me tenderness Ill be doing pretty good. Thanks for stopping me. Im sorry you had a hard time getting tenderness from your husband and teens. Its not easy to get them to see us sometimes. Woman are more affected by their surroundings. I feel nurtured and calm when my home is respected and they finally understand me now. I just had to learn a new approach. April
Hi Cassee Q:
I wear flip flops because anything touching the tips of my toes bother me. In the winter I have been wearing cozy socks and large slippers and it seems to help.
I hope this helps you.
Pam
I love this. I have an old wagon in the barn that I can get out for groceries. And we have the ramp we built for the elder folks. I hadn't thought of that Ihurt! You are a smart cookie!
Our time with our children is so short. I know it doesn't seem like it when they are home and under foot. We raised our kids to know how to do their own laundry, clean floors, and all the rest. All too soon they're grown and gone and living lives of their own.
I am oh so thankful for the older women I had in my life when my kids were young. I slowly learned to set my need for control aside with four children under 6. We crafted with glue and glitter so there was always some little piece of something hiding from the vacuum cleaner. We were fortunate to have horses and other pets, including iguanas, rabbits, dogs, cats. We lived in a pretty relaxed environment and everyone knew they had to take their boots off when they came in the house.
I think what I'm trying to get across, April, is don't let life pass you by. My baby turns 30 this year. He told me last year when we were alone and talking about the changes that fibro slowly causes, he said "Mom, you're the glue." He was referring to my forgiving one of our kids for doing something bad and continuing to love her, unconditionally. I want those words put on my head stone some day. It meant more to me than anything anyone has ever said to me. Even all the things my husband of 37 years has said to me. One on one time with our kids...even if their room is dirty, is so important.
I am sharing this with you lovingly. Please accept it that way. Fibromyalgia will eventually take over your body. It may turn into an auto immune disorder, as many on here will tell you. Take this time to love on those kids. Give them a day off and take them to the movies, go for a walk. Slow down in life. Enjoy what you can.
Very cool! Good share, Sheila.
For all of those new to this site, the discussions are not always this, ummm, "lively". They are always good though.
I understand what your saying Kitty and Ive taken it lovingly.
