Feel like a failure!

Sorry but I just need to say this! I feel like a failure most days! I used to want everything in its place. Dishes clean, counters wiped, floors mopped.

I took pride in my home and I dont think this is wrong! It made me happy. It made me feel productive. I also worked full time.

Now I work occasionally and can barely clean up my kitchen before having to lay down! The fatigue is crushing. I try to do small jobs and then rest but I never feel caught up.

How does everyone else deal with this? I have tried to have a different attitude. But it still weighs so heavy on me.

I pray and ask God to give me the strength to just keep up. I also feel so guilty that I am not the partner my husbands deserves! He rest so much with me but I am not able to be active with him in return most days. It makes me feel so sad.

I have lived with this long enough to know that I cannot push but so far but I find I am either depressed or just dont care. I have always disliked hearing someone say "I just dont care" but I find myself saying this so often.

Sorry this was so long. Thanks for listening. Tina

Oh Tina honey, we know all about this! It is in all of our biographies at this point! If my husband had not grabbed the lady who cleaned for his Mom, we would have dirt floors by now! Last thing I can do with this back is the motion of a vacuum, mop, broom! She comes for 2 hours once a week, thank God. She talks about giving it up, and when she does I'll have to find someone else. I also have an ibobot that I love to go under beds and in case she can't come a week, I'll run it! They are great, they also make the ones for pet hair too! Love 'em! The way I am loosing my hair, I should have gotten the one for pets even though I do not have pets!

This sucks, I'm sitting here at 5am trying to talk myself into doing all this right now. My husband will be home in a few hours and I have to get myself up and about to catch up on 3 months of house cleaning I missed out on because I was playing the cripple. I kinda just wanna tell him I'm a bad wife and he should go find a new model. Anyways good luck hope you have a good day soon.

Thanks SK. I will look into getting the ibobot! I did used to have someone clean every two weeks for me when I worked. I really wasn't able to afford the help when I lost my job. I'm just curious is the hair loss from fibro? My has been falling out by the handfuls but I thought it was from the epidural injections (steroiods).

I do have pets, two Maltese. They are such a blessing at this point in my life. They dont shed at all! Its great! My male just turned 14 yrs old last month and needs to rest as much as I do! My female thinks everyone sleeps this much. Lol

Thanks again for you support, Tina


Thanks for you support. I think I need to find someone to help with just the floors. Maybe I will try to find someone to help or try the ibobot.

Thanks again, Tina

Wow Katie you sound like me. Sometimes I cant sleep at all. I will be up all night and sleep all day. Seems I get my days and night turned around.

How are your legs today? Hope you have some good days ahead. And I know what you mean about being a bad wife. It's hard not to feel guilty sometimes. However, there are days when I actually feel good and get alot done! But then we usually end up paying for it later, right?

I just pray that some of the meds are going to be helpful.

Thanks again for your support, Tina

I just came across a website last night called Care.com. It helps you find local people to help with child/elder/pet care and also housework. I'm thinking I might try it myself.

I'm doing a marathon cleaning/purging session right now. I've been sick since last October and haven't really cleaned anything since last November before I went on vacation. Even then it was only clean enough so I wouldn't be totally embarrassed to have the catsitter over (i.e. don't open any closets or you might be killed in an avalanche of junk.)

I don't know what your financial situation is, but it might be worth it to have someone over for a couple hours a week to clean. I always thought it would be way too expensive to have someone clean for me, but I saw a wide range of prices on the website from $15-$35 per hour. The way I look at it, someone who cleans for a living could do the same work in half the time it would take me. Plus, I wouldn't waste all of my energy and need to rest for hours afterwards to recover. If paying someone $20 an hour to do housework would free you up to spend 4 hours doing something you want with your husband, would it be worth it?


Yes It would be sooo worth it. I used to have someone come every other week. He was such a great help, he was here about 6-7 hrs. He's the best, and I'm hoping to get him back.

I'm trying to get back to work after being off for a 18 months. So I have some things to catch up on and then I am hoping he can help again. He would even go out into my garden and place flowers throughout the house. I spoke to him recently and let him know how much I missed him.

He charged 120 dollars for the day, but it was sooo worth it. He brought ladders and did areas I could only dream of doing! Lol

Thanks for your support, Tina


You are not well right now and can't do everything that you used to do. So what? That's is the way it is at this time. Don't beat yourself up about it. Remember, you got married "for better or for worse." Don't push yourself or you will end up making the symptoms worse. Hire someone to come in once in awhile to do the heavy stuff in your house, and don't be a slave to your house either. Your well being is the most important thing right now, to get your body the rest it needs to heal itself and control the symptoms.

Also, I have found that if I space out the housework in very small increments, doing one little thing each day, that works. I know our instinct is to power clean and once we get started we want to rip through the whole house. It was hard at first, but I retrained myself to do little bits at a time. It's just a different way of accomplishing the same thing. Above all, never feel guilty about anything. You are doing the very best you can and are capable of doing at this time. If someone else has a problem with that, then they are the ones with the problem, not you.

Take it easy,


Just remember, baby steps Katie, don't 'crash yourself' by doing too much too soon!

Oh Allergic,

You made me chuckle! You are right, of course, I think that sometimes I hear myself in your words and ways! LOL!

I so totally understand! I have been OCD since I was about 4 years old. Folded my underware and put them in proper stacks, cleaned my kitchen floor with a brush, and ironed all the clothes for the week every Sunday. Wow, that's all a thing of the past. Now my husband does the cooking and cleaning. I keep the laundry done and clean the bathroom...when I feel like it. I make myself a light breakfast and lunch every day. Simple things that I won't have to pay for later. I use to feel like a failure every moment of every day, but I'm learning to be appreciative of what I can do instead. I made me an omlette. Yeah me! I folded the white clothes. Woohoo! It's a big change of attitude but I'm working on it. Good luck hun!

lol...I guess we must be kindred spirits SK. I refrained from saying "let your husband pitch in a bit" but I see LizR has commented about how her husband took over some chores for her. Good deal.


Oh LizR,

You sound like my twin! I was born OCD! I used to think everything had to be perfect. I honestly still do most of the time. Except those weeks I say " I just dont care". Lol

I really do care, but it's the only way I can cope. Today I spent 3 hrs cleaning. I am hurting bad tonight but the house is so much better! I will sleep all day tomorrow. That's the way I roll these days.

My husband is a big help and this is where the guilt comes in. I hate for him to work all day and then do housework. I know I am not well and have had to choose activities carefully for years, however this is the first time in along time that I have days where I can do nothing.

I work a day and sleep two days. It's sad!

I'm praying for more patience with myself. I need more patience with others as well as long as i'm on savella. Man does it make me irritable!

Gentle Hugs, Tina

Omg, let’s not get on the house cleaning. Here’s my issue…I love to clean at night but our bedroom is downstairs and you can hear everything down there so I can’t clean or my husband would never sleep. My kids are slobs. They don’t pick up after themselves except when I tell them to. This is where my guilt comes into play is because since I’m not doing it myself all the time why gripe when they don’t. I know they should pick up and blah blah blah. The kids’ rooms are HORRIBLE! We are moving our room upstairs to the official master bedroom so after we do that things will change.

My husband will do some pick up if I am cleaning but the minute I have to stop n rest…all cleaning ceases to exist. I feel awful. Guilty. And inadequate. I can’t afford to have anybody to come in and wouldn’t want anyone to come into my house. I have to clear out the upper bedroom so I can pull the carpet, replace and paint the room then move my bedroom upstairs but getting my husband to do it is impossible. He’s just as lazy as I am I guess. Although he didn’t even know how to do laundry or dishes when we got together. He thought washing the face of the plates and inside of the pans was good enough! sigh I just wish I could get up their to do it at night and I’d be good. Unfortunately its late night…10-11 pm.

Don’t beat yourself up about it. Talk to your husband about your feelings and you’ll be good. That’s the one thing about hubby and I we don’t hold it against eachother!


Wow. Im in the same boat. But now i feel that nothing is really good enough.ive been married for 17a yrs and diagnosed 5 yrs ago. The problem is that my husband is type a. Today i locked the keys in my car at school. This is the first time ever. He yelled and asked me how old i am. “What 43 yr old does that!” He said …right in front of my girls. He had to drive me back so we could get my car. So many.other comments have been made…so depressing

Don't be so hard on yourself. I am the same way, a lot of us are the same way. And so you know I am not lying. . lol. . .in my kitchen right now is a sink full of dirty dishes and a dishwasher full of clean dishes. A washing machine full of wet (soon to be poorly smelled if I don't remove) clothes and a drier full of dried clean clothes. A bathroom with hair (weave) all over the place, sink too and a closet that leads to the bathroom with dirty closed laid out. SO yea you are not the only one who have a load of work to do. Our condition sucks and we all suffer some form of being too fatigued to do our own housework. . but it's ok, I assure you that I am going to sleep with a dirty kitchen and I don't care. I hurt and it's ok, sometimes. : )

Don't be so hard on yourself, we are some tough cookies. A little slacking on the cleaning doesn't hurt, that's what family, friends and kids are for : )

I'm sorry Reggie. Sometimes I think men get frustrated easier than we do when were sick! I'm sorry that on top of being sick you have to deal with issues that cause more pain :(


Thanks for the reminder :) I know sometimes I need to just let it go! I'm learning, slowly.

I understand completely. I can no longer do half the things I used to. I lost my bf because he just thought I was "crazy and psycho". I deal with so much pain everyday even with all the drugs. I can't find a therapist unless it is an old man, which is not working with me-my insurance will not cover it. No one believes the pain or the depression, I am told to "suck it up" or "get over it" or "just deal", even my dr thinks I am faking. But the pain is real even if no one knows or understands. I feel like a failure everyday. I have little to no support system. All my friends have turned their backs on me, I guess they couldn't deal. I don't have much family and they are not willing to understand. I don't sleep much at all and I am always tired and the fatigue is awful. I was always very active and fit. Now I am struggling just to do laundry. My hair is thinning and I don't feel beautiful. It has been 2 yrs since anyone has been close to me and I have a tough time just opening my eyes in the am. I take Ambian to sleep along with alot of other meds, but they only take a little edge off. So I understand completely Tina. You are not a failure. There is alot of us in the same boat....I am new here and I can listen anytime. Thank you for listening.