I want the me that worked full time plus ot. The one that did all the housework shopping and took care of kids all with tons of energy and it was fun. Did the baseball the scouts the help with homework. The me that was strong and in shape could power lift and do body sculpting classes and craved the workouts when I missed one. The me that hikes trails for hours and spent as much time as possible outside. Loved life and was so optimistic about the future. I still take good care of kids and their activities. I manage the house the best I can and I do work full time. But I feel very weak physically and emotionally and my spark for life is gone.
I completely agree with you. It's hard to remember who we used to be. It's also hard to accept this is who we are now. It really sucks. And who can afford to hire the help we need that would help us feel more in control? I think if I could find a way to have the house moderately clean on a regular basis but for the last 3 years I haven't figured out how. And if I try to do what it needs I will be out for over a week.
I think everyone here can relate to you about this. I had always been a very busy person. With five children there was never a dull moment, or much time to rest for that matter. I also loved working in the yard. Now I can no longer work in the yard at all and can not clean my house in a day. I do still work two part time jobs, But by the time I get home I am not much good for any house work. I can only do one room a day. If I do the laundry then I don't do any other house work. IT took me a while to learn how to pace myself, and to also not fill guilty if everything wasn't done. I do believe the old me is gone, and I have to accept the new me, and make the best of it. I concentrate on what I can do and thank God I am able to do that. I hope this helps you some. Have a great nite. Sue
Hi Dawn, I can say for sure, I have said, I want the old me back, at one time or another. It sounds like you still do so much, I found that the more I do the worse I feel physically, then that of course effects us emotionally. I pushed myself for so many years, never doing for me, to eliminate the stress in my life, and now it seems there’s no going back.
Only moving foreword, accepting our limit and living with it can be a daily struggle. I would say if you are working full time and caring for kids, activities and the house… You have every reason to be exhausted, even without fibro that’s a lot !! With fibro… Well I would recommend you slow down… Ah only if I had slowed down, I often wonder if my place in life now would be different had I not tried to be wonder women, but I don’t stress about it, I just have learned what I can do and what I can’t do. And I’m proud to say I’m learning to not feel guilty about it either… Ya ho !!!
I know for me … Being grateful for what I can do has helped, if you are experiencing sheer exhaustion your doing to much, I remember feeling that way even when i worked part time. Now I’m still very tired everyday and struggle with fatigue and there are still times i feel that sheer exhaustion, but there’s no comparison to when I worked.
Hugs & blessings
dee
Dawn,
Something jumped right out at me when I read your post. You said, "The me that hikes trails for hours and spent as much time as possible outside." Have you been tested for Lyme Disease? The reason I mention it is because my sister, who is very much like the old you, got bit by a tick so small that she never even saw it. Nor did she see the bullseye rash that was on her chest. It wasn't until I carted her into the doctor the same week and asked the doc if it could be Lyme because my sis was out hiking that the doc saw the rash and recognized it. Again, my sis never even noticed it. If you've not been tested, it'd be worth your while to see if any of your outdoor activities could have brought the fibromyalgia upon you. My sis was extremely lucky in that it was caught quickly, she took antibiotics that killed off the illness, and she has returned to her activities.
Also, are you seeing a rheumatologist? Have you been tested for autoimmune illnesses, which often mimic fibro, as well as go hand in hand with it many times? Does your family have any autoimmune illnesses or connective tissue illnesses in it, like hypermobility or Marfan Syndrome? These some other possible illnesses that seem to go hand in hand with fibro. I've read a site dedicated to Hypermobility and many of those folks suffer from fibro symptoms. And a link has been established between hypermobility and fibro. It's definitely worth looking into these things.
And finally, yes, I do miss the old me. I wish I could walk without worrying "how far?" I wish I didn't have to worry about tottering over, like a little old lady. I wish I could garden and do an exercise bike. It's hard to accept that things have changed so quickly but they really have.
I feel exactly the same way. I feel like such a failure and a disappointment as a mom. This is not how i envisioned my life to be. People always used to compliment me on my smile and my strength to smile no matter what was going on. Now people just ask me how come I don't smile anymore. This illness has just beaten me down so much.
I can’t count how many times I have said these words “I want the old me back!” after hearing from people “that I’ve changed” I thought that it was from different circumstances in my life being beat down mentally and emotionally over a long portion of my life. Believing this, I thought there was hope , that in time I would heal and become the old Lisa I used to be. I miss her so much! I was fun and exciting with a great zest for life. I was a super mom,super wife, super daughter, super sister and super friend. It was great. We didn’t ask for this disease and it has found a way to affect every aspect of our lives. I have my boxing gloves on but have a hard time swinging. That’s why I got on this support group. I don’t have any other support. My husband, children, family and friends don’t want to understand and treat me as if I’m a burden someone they’ve given up on. Getting the old me back wouldn’t be just for me but everyone I love. I want them to be proud of me again above all. Thanks for listening . Lisa
I like yourself want the old me back the one who looked after 26 pre schoolers always on the go and fit, its not nice what we all have , but beeing together and talking to each other is a saviour , iam so down at the moment and frustrated iam seeing my doc tom , iam going to try and have a gd talk and tell him exactly how I feel , iam getting no better and this is when I wantme back , laughing and enjoying life instead of just getting by , its even harder to deal with when we have to stay strong with other things that are going on in our lives , and because we are stressed it makes the fibro worse , mbig warm hugs xx angie x
Hi Dawn,
I think we all go through these thoughts from time to time. But maybe if you look at it like it's just a new chapter now. For me I can't compare this chapter to the last because it's just totally diffrent.
I'm sure if you can work on trying to reach back and try just to see some of the small things that you are doing now more positive (because you already have the tools inside to make it happen) you might find a new purpose for yourself in this new chapter your in. I believe everything happens for reasons we don't have a clue about, or we can use what we are delt with for something (even if it's only a small thing) good like your post to help other's think how they can make their lives just a bit better. Thank you for reminding me about what I need to focus on today! :0)
It sounds like your actually doing allot of great things, they are just diffrent now! :0) .
The old me was sick as well.
I truly know what you mean. It sounds just like me, only now I can't work can only clean my house when I am really feeling good and then pay for it the next 2 days, can only keep my grandchildren one at a time and even then it's only for 1-2 days and then they have to go back home. I have come to look at this situation realistically and accepted my limitations but every now and then I get sad for what I had imagined my future to be.
I hear you!!! Granted I am 44 and haven't seen sign or signal of the old me since I was 20. Never give up! never, never, never. I am reading From Fatigued to Fantastic. It is written by a Dr. who specializes in this disease. He has suffered from CFS and is currently practicing in Annapolis. There are some really great suggestions. I will be posting things as I learn them. I am also getting involved in holistic medicines and therapy. I hope I have some useful advice for everyone sometime soon. Just be the best you can be and carry on. I sure wish I had the answer for you. You must surely miss al you used to do. I know what my doc says which actually just ticks me completely off-"Adjust your expectations" Now doesn't that just stink? Hugs to you and may blessings rain down upon you. As an aside definitely check into Lyme disease! My mother had it as well as my friend. They both spent a lot of time in the woods. I do know that the treatment for this is more effective the sooner it is caught, so hurry!
Dawn, don’t we all!
If you love your kids and are there even just to listen to them, then that is enough. So, they may have to learn to do more for themselves-you are creating self sufficient adults who will make it in this world. I am sure they see you suffering-this will create empathetic adults. You CAN'T go there. They need you and you need them. I wish I could give you a nice gentle hug.
That sounds like a good book!
IMPERFECTION
I am falling in love with my imperfections
The way I never get the sink really clean,
forget to check my oil,
lose my car in parking lots,
miss appointments I have written down,
am just a little late.
I am learning to love the small bumps on my face
the big bump of my nose,
my hairless scalp, chipped nail polish, toes that overlap.
Learning to love the open-ended mystery
of not knowing why
I am learning to fail to make lists, use my time wisely
read the books I should.
Instead I practice inconsistency, irrationality, forgetfulness.
Probably I should hang my clothes neatly in the closet
all the shirts together, then the pants,
send Christmas cards, or better yet
a letter telling of my perfect family.
But I’d rather waste time listening to the rain
or lying underneath my cat learning to purr.
I used to fill every moment with something I could
cross off later.
Perfect was the laundry done and folded
all my papers graded
the whole truth and nothing but
Now the empty mind is what I seek the formless shape
the strange, off center, sometimes fictional
me.
Elizabeth Carlson
Thought this poem seemed appropriate. You were describing me in your post. I was the same way, raised 4 kids, loved their sports and my own, worked full time. Adjusting to loving ourselves the way we are now - compared to then - is difficult. It's a process and grief is definately involved.
I got this poem from a blog I follow. I hope it helps.
L-Kitty
Mommy82 - my heart goes out to you! I was 34 when I got Fibromyalgia. My kids at the at the time were 3 and 5. I can't tell you how many times I felt I was failing as a parent. Like you, people would tell me what a pretty smile I had. It really got to me because i realized that it was showing on the outside too. I' am so sorry about yoru illness. I am going on 32 years with it. I just do the best I can. I didn't want my life to be like this either. I was so on the go all the time, getting involved in games that my kids wanted to play, making dinner every night for the family and just being content of what I had. Now?? My kids are in the 30's - doing great and I have a grandson , Hunter who is now 8 and my son, Jason will be getting married in September. What I had to do was, sit down with the kids and tell them what was going on with me. I needed them to understand what my illness isn't my fault, and that no matter what - I would always love them and spend time with them as much as I was able. M82 - have you talked to your children yet about your illness?? I want you to get the idea out of your head, that you are a failure and disappointment to them. This is NOT true! It absolutely is not your fault that you are sick. I haven't even met you yet - but I can sense you are a great Mom. I went to counseling for about 2 years when I first got sick - because I was worried about my kids and their reaction as time went on , of what I would be going through. You need to take care of yourself, in order to take care of your wonderful kids. You are probably not smiling much because you are in pain and maybe depressed? What you are going through is pretty much the norm for Fibro patients. Please see your family doctor or someone in the medical field that can address your concerns about your illness and the possible depression you might be going through. I have been a member on this site for a little over 2 weeks and It has really been the best thing I could ever do for myself! Please stay with us?? We can all work together to help you and maybe even get some infor for you if you should need it. Believe me, you are not alone. Gentle hug!! Laurie
Thank you so much for saying this. Where did that person go? My doctor used to say " You are getting older." But I kept saying " You just don’t get it!". My grandmother lived until 98 and she could do more than I do now. Finally he sent me to a pain specialist diagnosis… fibromaylgia. So now I understand why but I still want to be the person I was. I know that a diagnosis years ago would not have made much of a difference but maybe I would not have been so frustrated with myself. I look back at all I did before fibromaylgia as a single mom with 4 kids in 4 different schools and on 4 different soccer teams and a full-time job I am so dissapointed at what I am able to do now.
I liked it. Yes I feel that way. Having a hard time accepting it.
I just read all these posts and I relate to it all. I’m 44 and my arms get weak brushing my teeth or drying my hair. I have a husband a 15 yr old boy and a 2 yr old girl. My husband doesn’t understand what I’m dealing with and the 15 yr old still needs a constant driver here and everywhere. And my girl needs constant supervision and care. The buys should really be doing so much more around the house. I’m working on it. Basically every responsibility is mine to do or direct or delegate. But I always have to handle it in some way. The stress of dealing with it is getting to me.