havent been on this site in a while. was hoping to make friends. trying to accept the pain and change in life style. My 13 year old said I am never in a good mood. Also have ocd, depression and anxiety.
Its hard. Funny, my 12 year old says the same thing. I get so frustrated and angry that I have “lost” my former self. Sometimes its hard to be nice. We are always meaner to the ones we love. We.can talk anytime you want. Even if you really don’t want to. ;d
I’m new to this sight as of a couple days ago. I have been without the support I needed for a long time. The last thing I wanted to do is talk to strangers . Just being able to hear other people’s story’s, automatically makes me want to help in some way. Hearing their story makes me feel not alone and gives me hope that someone will be there for me too. I have heard things from my daughter like " your always tired" , " you never feel good" no matter how much I tried to explain it wasn’t acceptable to her. She missed out on the things that mommy and daughters do in the past 6 + years. That hurts more than anything. I can’t go back in time. I feel like I’m constantly letting her down. And I am. I also suffer from depression , anxiety and panic disorder. I had OCD with " cleaning my house " that came to a halt when I realized I just can’t clean like that anymore. I’m glad you came back. I’ll send you a friend request. Lisa
My therapist and I just touched on this topic yesterday in our session. I find its much easier to talk to her about these issues without the tears flowing that usually come when I talk to one of my kids, coworker, husband or family member. Probably because of the guilt I feel, which we shouldn’t because we are the ones that have the condition. When my pain gets so bad and my head feels like its going to blow, of course I’m crankier and on edge, and its really hard to turn into the actress we all become. Therapist said that if it makes me feel better I should let them know that it’s not a good day, but know that I’m still there for them and knowing that they want to include me means so much. The depression comes with the pain, as it depresses our serotonin levels (our happy juice) and not getting enough sleep is our biggest enemy.
We talk at length about how much this site has helped me, knowing that I’m not alone and there are thousands who understand what we are going through. It’s my go-to therapist when I need the help! Best medicine out there knowing we have each others back and each and every member are a wealth if information. Hang in there - here’s an air hug to you all!
I was diagnosed with mild borderline personality disorder. I probably had it long before I had the Fibro, but was able to control it. When I got Fibro, I was no longer able to control it. Things were pretty ugly for awhile. My son doesn't remember, but I know it helped shaped his personality. What helped me was seeing a psychologist for talk therapy. I also learned mindfulness meditation and gratitude for what I do have. There is also a great book that I recommend called, Full Catastrophe Living
i know how you feel
I can relate! I have four kids, two from a previous marriage and two step-kids. When I was first experiencing all of the mess of fibro the kids really had a hard time adjusting to me - and me to them. One of the things it took me a long time to come to grip with is the fact that I am not the same as I was - and NEVER will be. So, when I realized this (it took several years) I stopped trying to explain - I got short articles and gave them to the kids and when I was having a bad day and they gave me the same message your 13 year old did I started to say "YES". Acknowledging their point of view. I never made a big deal of it - just said -yup that's the way it is with me - moody and miserable. After a while I noticed that they stopped making those comments and I stopped being so defensive. It's been over 15 years now and all the kids are able to accept (to varying degrees) my ability to do things, to be 'a nice mom'. They also accept that I go to bed at eight p.m. and sleep until 8 am, and I take naps and I don't do dinner or dishes when they come to visit. All in all - it's been a long and rocky road. Never give up - never surrender!! (my motto).
Gentle hugs and determination sent your way :)
I began getting very sick while I had three teenagers at home. Two girls and a boy (the youngest) then 11-16. We had no idea about the underlying Fibromyalgia until 5 months ago. I had four years of major illness, 6 surgeries (problems healing bc of fms), and numerous hospitalizations. When I was home I was miserable in nearly every way possible. I was watching my career, finances, family life and body fall apart around me. I had no control, I was in bed 90% of the time. Just making an easy dinner felt like a marathon. I was grumpy ALL the time!
For me finding out I have fibromyalgia AND finding a good and caring rheumatologist has been the first atep. I had to realize the house isn’t going to look perfect anymore, I have been taken out of work because of my symptoms severity, and the biggest one I still haven’t mastered as well but I am better- LISTEN to your body. My husband and even my son who is 15 have this down better than I do. They both look at me and can tell I am in pain even before I seem to register. I get really grumpy in accordance with pain…
I didn’t believe people when I was told try to exercise. I hurt so bad- are you kidding? I have been for a month now. Yes I have some soreness and it’s taking time but it is doing so much for my mood, my pain and just overall day to day existence. I also think for the first time I have finally accepted this is me and its not what I planned but its MY LIFE and I can be miserable or enjoy eaxh day as it comes whether I am in bed reading or up and about and busy. Embrace it! Hang in there. Blue skies are ahead!!!
Julie, all of that pain can put us in a ROTTEN mood. But it's a problem when it interferes with our family life. Would you be open to looking into anti-depressant? I've found that it's helped me so much with my mood, depression and anxiety. I was the biggest grump in the universe until I got on anti-depressants. i feel so much better now. And it helps me to tolerate the pain better. I can't imagine having to deal with all of this pain when I was in mental pain too. Gosh, that's got to be terrible for you.
As for your pain, has you doc tried any meds for the pain? It sounds like more could be done. Do you have a doc you're comfortable talking with? That helps so much. If you do, I'd suggest going back and pushing for better pain relief. I wish I could suggest a wonderful solution. But I can't because there isn't one. Yet. I do like putting Salon Pas pain pads onto my worst spots. They do help some.
Others on here have given you such wonderful advice. I hope you find some answers here for you. You certainly deserve it.
Hugs to you,
Petunia
Hi Everyone
Sorry for interupting. But I am so excited. Just got back from the hospital were the eye specilast did lazer treatment on my eyes. I CAN SEE AGAIN. iT TOOK 5 MIN. TO CORRECT THE PROBLEM.And I was almost blind for 5 months thanks to the G. D. receptionast. She got told by the eye specilast. So after work he went to the hospital to correct my eyes. And he was not feeling well, poor man. So carry on, lol.
HUGS
Shirley
You are not alone. I think that is what this site helps with. For years I just struggled in silence because anyone I would talk to about my problems with didn't understand or thought I was being dramatic. It's okay to be in a bad mood, how would anyone else act if they felt like us? I also have major issues with ocd, anxiety, and depression. I've found that taking each day at a time works well. The only thing I suggest to people is that they go to youtube and watch the living with fibromyalgia video, if they really want to know what we go through. A few people said they did but most don't really care that much. I think that is how a lot of people are no a days, everyone thinks that their problems are worse than the next persons. I think there's always someone who has things worse and there's always someone who will have it better. I struggle with so many things and feel terrible often, but I just do what I need to do to take care of myself. I know it's hard to be in a good mood when you feel so crappy. That is one of the big issues I have and partially why I got a divorce. MY husband said all I wanted to do was sleep, I was always depressed, and never in a good mood or wanted to do anything....ya know what, he was right. Ha. It's ok though. People who love you may not love everything you do but they accept you no matter what. Oh man, I'm rambling.....Try to feel better Julie. Do at least one thing a day that is just for you, that you like to do or use to, one thing that makes you happy.
Oh yes, and anti-depressants are great. I honestly can not live without them. That's the one thing I will not go without. But never let anyone tell you what meds you should or shouldn't be taking, it's your body/mind/life, you know it best.
Hi Julie - I can really sympathize what you are going through with your child. I have two kids - who are in their 30's now. My daughter was about 15 when she just literally turned on me and decided that I wasn't a good mother. It was around this time when my fibro started to give me an awful lot of trouble. Now, my relationship with my son is wonderful. But to this day, my daughter is still angry with me. I don't understand why she can't just let go of it - and move on. She is angry about my illness and the anger she has, she always reminds me of it by the way she treats me. I finally moved on, as it took a long time to let go of her. I am much better now just with the fact that I realized that it isn't my problem. Also - it's not my fault that I got sick. I, too, suffer from depression and anxiety at times. But, being in this group has really been phenomenal. I feel so much better, mentally and you will, without a doubt, make good friends here. Hugs, Laurie
Julie,
It is not an easy task to wear an iron mask when you are in so much daily pain. It takes alot of practice to do this to appease members of your family. You have to really dig deep in your soul to find positives that are going on in your life despite your condition. I am Bipolar which my Rheumo seems to think are enemies when it comes to having fibro also. Acceptance on having to change your whole lifestyle is very difficult. It took me many yearsto be able to do this. I am not sure if you are newly diagnosed or have had this for a long time. I am new here but it seems to me there are many people here willing to be supportive because they have been where you are. Don't give up it helps to be among those who truly understand.