Hi all,I am just so down, pain pain, just a few weeks ago things looked ok,but i guess the dead of my sister last wed and the fight with the family over where or how they wanted to put to rest did me in. my house again is upside down and i can not start cleaning again,and i so wanted to dec for xmas this year now who cares not me. so need to pull myself out of this hole but this time i just do not know i can,so come on friends give me a kick start Thanks
{{HUG HUG HUG!!!}}
You are such a dear person, Bet. I am SO sorry that you're going through this. It must be so hard.
How about instead of celebrating Christmas that you put it aside this year and celebrate your sister's life instead. It needn't be anything formal, just allowing yourself to have precious moments where you remember her and treasure the moment. Or else, if you feel so inclined, light a candle to her memory. Or put up a pretty ribbon in her honor or look at a favorite picture of her and you. Or anything hat is just gentle remembering and celebrating.
If that's just too hard, then leave it be.
if all you need is some TLC, I'm here, Bet. I know how hard that first Christmas is. You are perfectly okay being upset. Allow yourself time to feel your grief. If you can allow it, then hopefully you'll be able to lose a little bit of it, enough to let the pain ease.
I love you, Bet. You are just a wonderful woman. Again, {{HUG HUG HUG!!!}}
Sad for you,
Petunia
So sorry for your loss and the family drama.
Do you have to decorate for Christmas? Do you have young children? If not, let it go. What matters is how you feel, not how your house looks.
Don't worry about cleaning the house again - for now, just focus on not falling further behind. Make it a New Year's resolution to clean the house again. Give yourself permission to grieve for a while without the added "guilt" from not cleaning your house. In the long run, you'll feel better and your house will get cleaned faster if you take care of yourself first.
Gentle hugs,
Liz
Hi Bet, I realize that I do not know you, but I so feel for you. I suffer from depression and know how hard it is when you are in that place. I am so sorry for your loss. Maybe you need to be gentle with yourself right now. Lower your expectations for a bit and try and accept how you feel. I have found that fighting it often does little to help. I will pray for you
Maria
Hi Bet
I know that decorating for Christmas can lift your spirits a little. I agree with keep it simple and don’t worry about the cleaning. I have had a few Christmas’s like what you are going through. Just a simple table top tree with a few lights or a small plant that looks like a tree with lights seemed to helped me. One year I bought a Rosemary Bush and deocrated it. You can find them in the grocery stores.
I am so very sorry for what you are going through. You will be in my thoughts and prayers this season.
Hi Bet
I know that decorating for Christmas can lift your spirits a little. I agree with keep it simple and don’t worry about the cleaning. I have had a few Christmas’s like what you are going through. Just a simple table top tree with a few lights or a small plant that looks like a tree with lights seemed to helped me. One year I bought a Rosemary Bush and deocrated it. You can find them in the grocery stores.
I am so very sorry for what you are going through. You will be in my thoughts and prayers this season.
So sorry for your loss, Bet. Now is not the time to worry about the cleaning. You need time to grieve and get yourself healthier so like Petunia said, you can celebrate the life of your sister. Honestly, we have no idea how you are feeling both mentally and physically, but know that most of us have been through traumas and deaths and we all react differently. If you don’t have anyone to talk to about your life situation, maybe your pastor or priest or a therapist can help you.
Know that we all are here for you day or night so if you need to just vent, do so. You got your kick start by reaching out to your friends. We’ll be here for you!
Aloha Bet: I am so sorry the loss of your sister. It takes time to heal but you’ll get there eventually.
Don’t feel like u have to decorate, if anything just put lights around a place where u can see them. That always looks festive. Don’t worry about housework, that can wait. Just do a little bit at a time when u have some energy & not in too much pain. Also don’t be afraid about asking for help from your family or friends. I’m sure someone would be happy to help you out. All u have to do is ask.
Take care of yourself & know people care about you!
Bet
Ok, here is the kick start.
Find a place within yourself where you feel ok,find a place outside of yourself that you love,such as a river bank,some beautiful trees, some art, a movie, and escape to that place whenever you can,both within and with out. When you can’t go to a place outside of yourself, take yourself to the place within yourself. That’s what I do. Hope it helps Barb
Bet, I am so sorry. Family is family and I hope the body is at rest. I hope your mind and body get the rest it deserves. Merry Christmas days ahead Bet. May your heart be warmed and you mind settled.
I really like that advice, Barb. I hope you don’t mind if I use it when I need it - a great tool to use when I’m doing deep breathing. Thank you!
Well done.
Kickstart!!! :)
Hello Bet
I am sorry to hear that your sister passed away. Was she sick? Was her death expected or was it a surprise? Family fighting at such a time is so hard to take. So now you are still down and worn out. Can you sleep? That would be good because then your body could heal.
Know that we care about you and are here for you. Hope you will soon be feeling better.
Gentle hugs
Rachel
Grandmasher, you sound like a wonderful person who has had way too much of your fair share of tragedy. My heart just hurts so much reading your story, and Bet's as well. I've lost two dogs I loved in the same year and it was just awful. I still think about them and have their little urns but it hurts knowing they'll never come back or need my care again. As for the loss of your sister, it's beyond dreadful. I have one too and she is so important to me. Losing someone at Christmas is worse still. I don't know where you get your strength from, but it's amazing. Let me just close this paragraph with saying that I'm so saddened by your losses. But I like to believe that their souls still exist and look down upon us, especially when we think of them.
As for suggestions for Bet, I think they're wonderful and I hope she does too. It's letters like yours that make me realize the true meaning of Christmas. What a remarkable woman you are. Thanks for sharing.
Bet, thinking of you tonight. Hope your mind is at rest tonight and your body is not in pain.
Bet, reading what everyone has suggested has warmed my heart… I also need a kick start. My dog is so sick, and I’m praying he makes it till Christmas … It really has me down , I was hoping to say something special to help you , but reading the responses I know has helped me, so I’m hoping it has helped you…
I’m thinking about you !!!
Hugs & blessings
Granmashar, you are such a gem !!! Your post has me in tears… As my 13 teen year old westy/rat terrier has been sick for 2 weeks now, back and forth to the vet, and having to even think about putting him to sleep has me very sad…
I also lost my brother this year … But your so right, cry and eat some chocolate … I love that !!!
Your attitude is such an inspiration !!!
God bless you for being able to help others & all of us here with fibro!!!
I thank you for helping me smile 
Hugs
Hello Bet
I know what it is like to be alone at Christmas. It's been that way for me for many years. My adult daughter is an alcoholic and she has destroyed our relationship. She is 48 and has been drinking for at least 35 years and doesn't show any desire to stop. Why don't I know for how long........for sure? She NEVER drinks in my presence.
My 42 yr old son will have nothing to do with me..........for 10 years now. His friends tell me his wife pulled him away from his friends and eventually me. I am denied any access to his two children.
My sister doesn't believe I'm sick. Her aim is to "fix" me! She is a caustic person so I have had to close the door on that relationship.
I wish there was a restaurant that was open on Christmas Day, but of course there isn't in this town of 3700 people. I love turkey and the trimmings, but I just dopn't have the energy to cook.
Wouldn't it be nice if those of us who are alone could get together? I believe we could have a very meaningful and happy time. Unfortunately travel is something that is not easy for us to handle. We are many miles apart. I wonder why people never think to ask us if we would like to join them for Christmas dinner. I have lived in this town of 3700 people for 44 years. But nobody asks. People can be cruel. What is the solution? I don't know. When I was better able to travel I would book an escorted trip, but I am no longer able to keep up to the rigorous schedule of escorted trips.
Just think there are millions of us for whatever reason that have no families across the world.
Sadly during my life when I have seen people wo are alone on Christmas day attempt to fill that void I have seen that denied of them.
It seems to me that people have to experience that isolation before they even think about others. it’s how people are.
I compensate by getting on line, emailing my friends who live great distances away from me and of course now we have Bens Friends. barb