Give and/or take
We feel incomplete if we can’t provide, esp. in our traditional roles as men. But (“even” as men) we can (learn to) give love, deep relationship, quality time instead of quantity of time & money & things. In 10 or 20 years none in our family, young or old, will wish or be proud that we had given them more things, they will wish or be deeply glad we had given them love. They will be glad & proud that we did this with all the inner “strength” we have left, however much that is, in the face of our deep ailments. These will be the good memories, this is the light we make in our tunnel. I didn’t need my dad to fuel his blimmin car, I (would have) needed him to talk more to me about people, the world, God or not, pain, himself, me, to show me how to give and take instead of just providing for me, how to be happy, to enjoy life in spite of dire financial or health straits…
And we - whether good Christian souls or ethical atheists - always think we need to give give give… That’s not true . Firstly, we are to love our neighbours as ourselves. We are to give to the needy, which in this case is us ourselves, this is a condition where we need to learn to self-care first and foremost - to live, to enjoy life, to progress by working on our bodies & minds.
So if we are sorrowful that we can’t give, but not able to allow ourselves to take, we are not giving to the needy. And our kids are learning that from us - “Cat’s in the Cradle… We’ll get together then…”
Secondly, we need to learn to take - with love. If no one learns to take and be thankful and show this, then all giving is nought. It needs both sides, not to complete the picture, but to have a picture at all.
Thirdly, real taking is giving. Opening our eyes to our surroundings, looking into the eyes of the other person bonds us, feeling them in our hearts, feeling what they are and give us, and telling them so. Have we told each of our loved ones we love them today? Have we told them what’s so good and lovable about them? Have we thanked them for all this they are “giving” us just by being there? We have " given (real) life" to our kids (whether own or not), family and everyone by doing this. This isn’t “just existing”, it is putting The Life and The Love into this existence.
Fibro does not necessarily / usually get easier, better by itself . We don’t get used to it without trying. We can suffer on and on, make life and our condition a misery for ourselves and everyone around us. That only gets easier and better if we open our eyes and change our outlook. This can become our new life, new self and can be a better one than our old one, which drifted or sped past.
Which incidentally may have lead us to getting here in the first place.
“We” includes me, of course, in all points…