Today I don’t want to fight this battle. My mind is struggling not to slip in to this whole that my body is stuck in. A couple weeks ago I was strong, willing to fight this with all I had. Today it’s like it took what ever I had left and I’m scared of what’s to come. My body doesn’t feel like mine, something has moved in and twisted it, and squeezed it and has not let go yet. I have pins stabbing my thighs from all directions, my legs are like that of a baby not able to hold me up or is it more like a tired and worn out old women who can no longer tell her own legs what to do? My knees are stuck in a vise that will not allow them to bend but also hurt so bad because they need to, my thoughts are filled with anxiety when I see the stairs I have to climb and I know I need to bend them, it’s like having to swallow with glass in your throat. My feet are tingling like the novacaine that wears off after the dentist and the pain is just hiding right behind it just waiting for my feet to touch the ground. Today I am tired, today I am filled with anxiety, each day I want tomorrow to come and when it does it doesn’t bring me relief. I don’t want to be your burden, I don’t want to make you run when you see me coming, I don’t want to make you give a sigh of relief when I leave. I am trying to be strong, I want you to know that, and there are days I need you to be strong for me. Please, bare with me today, and probably tomorrow and maybe the next, I can’t do this alone but my pride says I should. My mind is foggy, my tongue is twisted, it’s like people are looking at me wondering if I am alive or dead and on the inside I am screaming “I am here” but the words can’t be heard. My pulse is faint, please don’t give up on me I know I will come alive again and this time I will know to enjoy life for what it is until the pain reaches up again to grab me. I pray I am stronger then, I am learning, my words on this paper are proof of this as I am ashamed to be this transparent but have been told it is healthy. So here it is, this is me, I am a chronic pain fighter, I live with fibromyalgia but I will not be fibromyalgia!
Hi Traci,
you have said it so very well… What we all feel, the struggle, the pain, the silent agony inside…
I so understand !! And I’m certain you have put into words what so many of us want to say but can’t
We have all learned how to be so strong , and that’s something to be very proud of 
I feel your pain & know exactly what your feeling… Our body has failed us & it’s not us, and we try so hard to be strong , one day someone will figure out what is causing us all this pain
We can here you & we do
We have to just keep fighting… Together…, because we get it !!!
Thank God we are not alone in this , hang in there Traci ,
We are chronic pain fighters together …
I to live with fibromyalgia , but I will not be fibromyalgia !!!
Hugs & blessings
dee B
Dear Traci
You expressed very well what many of us feel like when we are held in the vice of pain that is part of fibromyalgia. It's tough. It takes a lot of our very small amount of energy to hold on when the pain is fierce. Sometimes, specially when we are in a pain flare, our pain meds don't seem to help. Then we just have to hold on and wait for the flare to subside.
We are here for you to reach out to. We care about you and what you are going through. Remember that you can reach out to us anytime.
Love and gentle hugs
Rachel
Traci, dear Traci, you reached into many of our minds and wrote it down. Thank you for the strength to do so. I read this to my husband as many times I cannot express correctly how I feel. Don’t worry we will be here for you as you are here for us. Let’s all remember that the cooler/cold months will be hard for all of us and keep each other in our prayers. Gentle hugs, Scarlett