Through the years as my pain has increased and my ability to function has decreased there have been many times I have cried out just as you did. I'm sure most of us here have done it. Don't apologize for expressing your frustration occasionally. The secret is not to dwell in the frustration. I have found that I ask that He be glorified in my trials and trust that His grace is sufficient. janisrp said:
Thank you so much for your kind words. My pain started in my hands two years ago and has grown to my entire body. I am just feeling discouraged at the lifestyle changes i've had to make. I apologize if i was lashing out. I'm just so angry at this. I'm a healthy eating, active, hard working person, and lately most of that has had to change and continues to get worse. Then they just want me to go to more dr, and take more pills. Yet again i thank you for responding and i know "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I just wish......idk Blessings Janis
Thank you Doggie, i went up for prayer and my support system has grown. I don't like to worry about myself or let anyone else do it either. Recently through this site and a Bible study I'm doing I've learned that's not right. I now know if i take more time to worry about me i will feel better and that's better for everyone. I appreciate you taking the time to comment. It always feels good to have someone tell me I don't have to apologize for being sick. I still feel like i don't measure up or deserve my support system. This all helps though! Blessings, Janis
I get it, I really do. My onset was slow, it took years before I even realized my growing limitations were not laziness, but pain and fatigue. I lost many years of my kids lives, my marriage, and my self esteem.
I have been eaten away by guilt and shame.
My new motto is, “I will not let this illness define me!”
I focus on what I can do, not what I can’t. If I can’t do it, I find a way to do it differently. I stopped “shoulding” all over myself.
This is not defeat, it is a challenge.
It gets easier as the kids get older (I have four). They can help you. It’s good for them to do things for themselves, to feel like they contribute to the family. It builds their self esteem and helps them mature.
My 10 year old daughter likes to boogie board. I can’t do it with her, no matter how much she or I wants. But I can take her to the beach and watch her, praise her efforts, and take pictures. This makes her happy.
If a problem seems unsolvable, sometimes you have to change your perspective to find the solution.
I found that pushing my limitations often made things worse. However, in a chronic pain management class I took, I found that if I managed my pain better, I could do more. I could do things that I didn’t think possible.
Redefine your terms. Look at the bigger picture. What is true “failure”? What is “clean” or “dirty”? I’m not saying, lower your standards, I’m saying prioritize what’s truly important.
You are not an invalid unable to work. You are a stay at home mom. Many husbands take on a second job so their wives can do that.
Houses are always dirty. Figure out what minimally needs to be done and be realistic about it. Try cleaning a little at a time. Make people put their dishes in the dishwasher/sink instead of leaving them on the table.
Have people sort their own clothes into hampers labeled “dark”, “light”, etc. as they take them off. Or use the washing machine as the hamper.
When my kids were small, I had a special snack drawer in the fridge full of healthy snacks. It greatly reduced my stress to know that even on my worst days, no one would starve.
Find solutions.
Families are interdependent units. We share each other’s burdens. When one is unable, the others help carry for a while. The greatest thing we can do for others is make them feel loved, appreciated, valued, and heard.
No, it’s not easy. It’s hard, and it sucks what we have to deal with. But strive to find the good, be loving and accepting, not only of other people, but of yourself.
Hope this helps.
janisrp said:
How am i supposed to accept that i cant be the person i want to be!? My kids deserve a mom that can play with them on the play ground. Not sit on a bench or stay at home in bed. I had to quit my job and my husband had to start a second. How am i supposed to have him coming home to a dirty house, or that his clothes arnt ready for tomorrow. Im 25 how am i supposed to let fibro ruin my life? My kids and my husband depend on me. I dont tell them when i hurt i just deal with it because failure IS NOT AN OPTION!
Thank you MP! I am working on loving me. I think the hardest thing is the stuff like boogie boarding. My daughter has taken up skateboarding, something i used to thrive in. I wish i could show her tricks instead of playing coach. She tried to get me to jump rope with her just yesterday. I made myself for 2.5 seconds before i couldn't any more. She told me i was amazing and that was heart warming. I know that there's other things. Like teaching her to read, and sew. We both take joy in those things. Movie night is also something we do once a week. They both have chores (yes even my three year old.) So that helps to lighten my load. I also made a cleaning chart with a different room each day. If i miss a day i know there's always the next or the following week even. I can say that my pain is getting worse, but I'm learning to not expect perfection from myself. I am truly blessed and am learning to count those blessings. Some days im sad, or angry, I am just learning how to live. I know that it could always be worse. Thank you for your kind words. They always help.
Thank you MP! I am working on loving me. I think the hardest thing is the stuff like boogie boarding. My daughter has taken up skateboarding, something i used to thrive in. I wish i could show her tricks instead of playing coach. She tried to get me to jump rope with her just yesterday. I made myself for 2.5 seconds before i couldn’t any more. She told me i was amazing and that was heart warming. I know that there’s other things. Like teaching her to read, and sew. We both take joy in those things. Movie night is also something we do once a week. They both have chores (yes even my three year old.) So that helps to lighten my load. I also made a cleaning chart with a different room each day. If i miss a day i know there’s always the next or the following week even. I can say that my pain is getting worse, but I’m learning to not expect perfection from myself. I am truly blessed and am learning to count those blessings. Some days im sad, or angry, I am just learning how to live. I know that it could always be worse. Thank you for your kind words. They always help.
Oomph. The Good Old Days Syndrome. I am there right now. Very hard to overcome. Mentally I remind myself, but emotionally I just break down and hate myself more. Lots to work on. Definitely meeting new people helps because they dont know who you were before, but I think I take comfort in just my small circle of my immediate family and my husband.
