Another Fast Rant/Don't You Wish Everyone Could Use A Mulligan?

Support
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It's true, I have been on here to rant before, and I am back again. I went to the chiropractor today for TMJ and told her that I had been feeling great. I haven't had any fibro flares in a long time. When will I learn? Of course, a few hours later and a massive migraine comes on without warning and knocks me out. I wish that I could say that I slept it off and now am bright and cheery, but instead, I am sitting on the computer talking to you wonderful people.

I know I have also said what a wonderful husband I have. He truly is wonderful. Today, I told him he deserved much more then I could offer him. I didn't even wait for a response. I just left the bedroom, tried to fall asleep on the couch, and ended up on the computer.

I feel like my whole world is caving in on me. I have been telling myself for YEARS that things will get better...Soon. But guess what? They just continue to get worse! I guess maybe it is just the things that I am focusing on, but it's hard not to.

Our finances are a real mess. I am behind on so many things, I don't want to ask anyone for help. I can't pay my student loan. I don't want to ask my doctor to help me in applying to disability. I don't want to admit that I have a disability that does not allow me to work.

I use to be a preschool teacher. I loved to be around kids. Play with them. Get on the floor and have trucks and trains zoom all over the place. Go on bear hunts. And then, a little over three years ago, the headaches, dizziness, disorientation began. I sometimes couldn't remember what to do next even though I had been on a schedule for so long. Darn fibro fog. I sometimes feel as though the joy has been sucked out of my life.

But then I pray. And as I pray, I begin to name all of the people in my life that mean so much to me. That makes me realize how lucky I really am.

That's why I think everyone should get to use a mulligan. In golf, a mulligan is a freebie do over. I want to have a financial mulligan. I want all of my financial mistakes to disappear. I suppose that will happen the same time the fairy god mother appears on my deck telling me "There, there, dear. Everything will be alright."

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I’m sorry, it sounds like you are going through quite a lot at the moment. I know what you are talking about with the fibro and fibro fog though, mine has been especially terrible lately.
I pray things start getting better for you soon! Keep up with the positive outlook, on especially horrible days it is what keeps you going!
Blessings and prayers!

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I totally get it. Several weeks ago o was telling people that my meds had everything under control, then, WHAMMY!! This is week 4 of a flare up. Yet me! !!

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We all can relate to having feelings of doubt, crabbiness and feeling like we jinx ourselves when we say we’re feeling good. I think the pain zaps every positive thought from our brain and out comes the negative!
It sounds like you were having some very good days - that’s wonderful! But possibly the visit to the chiropractor adjusted you and either put something back in place or out of alignment. Maybe you should give her/him a call and let them know. It may be something very simple to correct.

Those negative thoughts will leave again and you’ll be able to say you’re feeling good again. Wishing you a better tomorrow ~ healing hugs ~ Sandi :slight_smile:

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Why don't you talk to your doctor and see how he feels about the disability? That would help take some of the finance stress if you were awarded it. It is very hard to admit a disability it took me years to admit I was not the same and had to learn to pace myself [still learning this} I am so glad you have a wonderful husband. I will be thinking of you.

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You expressed yourself well. I'm sure that many members can identify with your feelings of frustration and not being heard nor appreciated by those around us. It's tough. What is truly noteworthy is that you ended your posting on a positive tone. Sometimes we seem to be in the valley of frustration where nobody around us cares about how we truly feel nor do they want to hear us. That is where this online support group is so valuable. We know when we come here that we can speak from the heart and there will be people who genuinely care about us and support us.

We are not doctors so we cannot solve your medical problems but what we have that doctors do not is experience living in bodies with chronic pain and fatigue and many other symptoms. And we truly care about and support each other. Perhaps doctors should be required to take a course every five years in how to treat patients with dignity and care.

By the way I am glad you explained what a mulligan is. I don't play golf.

You can tell us about your good days because we treasure our good days too knowing that they don't signal that we have been cured. But be careful with telling your doctor because he/she may interpret it as being over this "thing" and not needing their services!!

Gentle hugs

Rachel

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Oh, I would love a mulligan! There are so many things I would have done differently in my early fibro days! Fibro doesn't have the courtesy of disappearing. It is an unwelcome guest that won't leave. However, maybe you can list all your symptoms and the solutions you have found. Keep the list simple and straightforward. Showing to the doctor may lead to some new suggestions.

As for migraines, you are probably in post-drome stage. After the migraine is a period of time when I feel like I have been run over by a mack truck. It is a "normal" ending stage of migraines. Even if I sleep through the actual migraine, I still get post-drome, and I won't win any Ms Congeniality awards during that time. All I can do is acknowledge it and be kind to myself. So don't worry about ot being cheerful right away. Give it some time.

As for finances, you might want to check in with your town or city services. They may be able to help with food and such, allowing you to use that money towards other things. Also check with utility companies to see if they have any programs which might apply. If I understand correctly, you are no longer working. If your loans are through Sallie Mae, you can contact them and ask for hardship condition. My son had to do that when he was unemployed due to the closing of the company he worked for. In all situations with creditors, you will come out better if you are the one who contacts them. Reduced payments can often be arranged.

I have felt many times like my life is caving in. I lost a cousin who died when he was driving and hit from behind. I have a new neurologist and have to find another doctor to manage certain meds. I am still cleaning the mess from when we repair/renovated our home a year ago.- the boxes are still everywhere, as I have to move slowly.

When things cave in, I have to stop what I am doing for a moment, think of alternatives, and pray. You are already praying - that's wonderful! We need that. My husband has a saying that I often go back to when I have too many things on my plate: Pick Your Battles. That has helped me to focus on what I need to do instead of my usual state of being overwhelmed.

Be kind to yourself - you deserve it.

Contact all creditors and see if you can arrange different payment arrangements.

Stop and watch an uplifting movie - comedy, inspiring drama, whatever suits you. We make popcorn and escape for 2 hours from the world. It's a mini-vacation from all worries.

Take one issue at a time to deal with. Sometimes even just one item to do each day. The rest of the time, be gentle on yourself so you can take on tomorrow's task.

I am sending you a bushel of hugs and understanding - been there & understand the pressures.

Hugs & more hugs,

Scribelle

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I cannot tell you how much it means to me to come here and have all of this support. My doctor tells me that part of my problem is that I am a people pleaser and I don't like to do things for myself. (By the way, I am pretty sure that is a problem for a lot of us here, along with wanting to be a perfectionist) She's right. So right and it is just another thing I don't want to admit.

Reading these replies brought tears to my eyes. Not out of sadness, but out of joy. It is such a relief to be able to come here, read stories of those who are struggling along with me, sometimes reply, sometimes just read.

I think the most difficult thing for me is asking for help. I probably said that above, but I will say it again. Help in any form sometimes feels like a sign of weakness to me, even though I know that I definitely need it.

I want to send out many thanks because I cannot express how much it truly means to me to come here and find support. Thank you all again!

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Scribelle, you have detailed the stories of probably many of the members on this site. Definitely me.

On the really rough day when all I can accomplish is to breathe and to tell one foot to go in front of the other, I say to myself, "Well, the best thing about today is that it will end. Tomorrow, I hope will be better than today."