Feeling Alone...how do you cope with being left behind?

Support
1

I have noticed that over the last few years my invites have decreased significantly from what was my core group of friends.

Since I had a child at 18, and she became a child with severe medical issues when I was almost 20, I have been used to making a friend and over a month or so that friend would disappear because of my inability to go out or canceling due to my child being ill or no sitter.

They were not willing to make the adjustment to just hang at my place. So I have always been a bit of a loner.

About 6 yrs ago I made friends with a group of other Moms with kids like my daughter and was so glad to have that. I have not really had adult GFs. You can imagine how hard that is.

And here they were. We would do things with the kids and occasionally without them. Like scary movie night, holiday parties, game nights without the kids. Even a handful of long weekends in LA, Phoenix, SunRiver. But since I have been sick...I feel like the occasional invite i get is a token or a "we have to invite her". All of these women have not only husbands which I lack, (single parent) but they also have a state funded program that pays for full time caregiver support for the kids with medical issues so they have free sitter all the time. I dont. I have to pay $14 an hour cause we dont qualify for it.

I used to put out the money to have memberships to kid places like OMSI and the Zoo that would get in a group so we could all do stuff with the kids and it was like pulling teeth to get them to come. People always tell me I do so much for my daughter, but I really enjoy taking her to meet friends and hang out.

I am starting to really worry about my daughter's 14th birthday party fundraiser. No one has sent the RSVP from the group of friends with disabled kids. It is not like you have to "buy in" to attend. My daughter is just not accepting gifts but donations to save medically fragile dogs. I am not really sure how to cope with this and I am starting to feel very rejected and depressed.

I am the first one to buy those candy bars, magazines, raffle ticket or whatever. When I cant attend a birthday, I still send a gift. I am that friend that will gladly pick up something for you at costco when I am going or loan you my copy of Downton Abbey. But since getting sick I feel like the forgotten one in a group that should understand since we all have medically fragile kids.

I am really struggling with this lately. I cant remember the last time one of my friends have actually done something nice for me.

How do you move forward when your limitations create such a division in your social life. Seeing that your friends are not true friends sucks.

2

Lyra , I understand a little how you feel , I used to have quite a few friends and now this group is replacing them because even the one I had who has medical issues and limitations herself has pretty much just wrote me off /when i no longer did everything she wanted then she just stated doing every thing with my cousin instead (and I am the one who intoduced them) . I mean she barly responds to messages i send her on face book. But here is something to ponder ..... if they treat us this way were they ever truly our friend?

Hope things get better

gentle hugs and well wishes my friend

Pebbles

3

Hi Lyra, that really stinks !!! I’d love to have a friend like you, I feel the same way and I know many have written similar discussions about friends disappearing when we get sick… I have not been able to figure it out …???
Maybe they are not comfortable with us?
Do we talk to much about our illness ? Or maybe not enough ?
Do we shelter ourself, and maybe push people away, because for the most part that’s easier than saying I can’t go. Or I don’t feel well
These are all questions I have asked myself
I’m so sorry this is happening to you with your daughters birthday party, Maybe you can make some calls
But over - all I understand your frustration , I am like you & I would do anything for anyone
I have learned not everyone is as kind as I am … Lol
So I just keep being me,
if they don’t care enough to call you back… Their loss… It’s sad, but it’s true , you do find out who is a true friend when you get sick
I know you will make your daughters birthday special !!!
Hugs & blessings
dee

4

Dear Lyra,

You would think that since you all have kids with challenges, that they would be extra understanding with you, but not everyone is as considerate and evolved in thoughtfulness and generosity as you. This makes you exceptional and those who are, sometimes have to stand more alone than others. I don't know why that has to be, or why when they have husbands that they should qualify for a program that you don't. That really doesn't make sense. Perhaps you haven't talked with the right people, or perhaps you are more honest.

A very wise woman told me that I needed to start doing for others what they do for me, that things needed to be more balanced in relationships for them to work well.

I hope that you can make some friends who value your sterling qualities and return them to you. I know we feel very fortunate to have you with us, and always look forward to hearing from you!

BTW, my Mom and I love Downton Abbey, we had planned to watch and listen to every word tonight, but had the great grandson, so missed most of it including the ending! ha! Don't see it replaying tonight either, guess, I'll be looking on amazon for it!

5

I found it at target for $25. Worth every penny. For anyone who has not seen Downton Abbey...do so right away.

Sadly in our world people have become takers and are looking for what you can do for them instead of caring about actually having true friends.

I feel all used up when it comes to being kind and generous to those I see in person.

I expected more support from them when I separated from my husband. (who was never really a co parent or step parent, but would attend all the fun stuff like vacations and movies)

I found a fibro support group about 15 miles from my place I am going to try to get to soon. It is at an annoying time but I need to branch out and make more local friends.

6

Sounds like a good idea, as far as the local support group. Hopefully there will be some better 'friend material' there for you and others!