Lately I've been really stuggling with being lonely. I'm pretty much just with my family all of the time or by myself. I've tried hanging out at school functions such as backetball games and such being as I'm 17. But since I haven't been in school for a year and a half due to being sick alot of my friends ditched me and won't speak to me or when I try to talk to them they take any chance they can to get away from me like they can catch what I have or something. Plus I live in a tiny town so there's not alot of chance to meet new people. It's hard how people can just ignore you like they have and cut you out of their life. But sadly my life now revovles around different things now than the average teenager like meds and not over exerting myself instead of boys and the new gossip or prom :( I just don't know what to do anymore being sick has taken over every aspect of my life and sadly people don't understand sickness very well. I'm just sooo tired of being lonely and sick and tired.
Hey Nessa, I get where you are. I'm not as young as you but I have the same problem with my friends. They are all healthy and active and they've just stopped inviting me to things or places because they know that I'm likely to be unwell. I can understand how alone you must be feeling, at your age you should be out there having a wonderful time, friends, boys, parties, boys, shopping, boys... and then there's the boys!!! Do you know anyone of your age who might have a similar disability that you could relate to? Maybe there is a support group somewhere near you that you might be able to join. Don't be discouraged sweetie, hang in there, and remember friends who ditch you in your time of need weren't really the ones you needed around you to begin with.
Dear NessaBear
People can be cruel and heartless and thoughtless. It makes me sad to read that your peers reject you because you have not been able to go to school for the last 1 and 1/2 years. I wonder if your peers even know why you haven't been at school. possibly they have just heard that you are sick and rather than ask you what it is they just spurn you. You said that you live in a small town so there aren't opportunities for you to find other friends. An idea came to my mind and I hope you will give it some thought. What about doing a presentation in school for your peers.........A Day in the Life of NessaBear? You would need to talk with the teacher so that you have the support of the teacher. I doubt that they know anything your illness. I am a teacher(retired) so I see that it could work and just maybe some of your peers might ask some questions of you pertaining to fibromyalgia. A sobering thought to include in your presentation is that any number of your peers might find themselves dealing with this chronic illness at sometime in their lives. Many of us adults can actually trace back to our childhood when we started feeling the pain, but doctors didn't believe us or told us it was all in our heads so we were denied any treatment. Therefore we just went on living and dealing with it for many years before being properly diagnosed. I was 44 yr old when I was diagnosed, but as I look back over my life I can see that it started when I was 8 yr old with the stress of school exams and music exams. So, it's even possible that some of your peers are dealing with some of the symptoms now. So you could be doing them a favor by explaining what fibromyalgia is.
Did you know that there is a group on this site for Young People With Fibromyalgia? There are 4 members, but I know there are more than 4 young people in this online support group who are dealing with fibromyalgia. In order to attract the young people on this site you could start a Discussion to attract the young people to join this group.
There are two ideas that I hope you will give some thought to. I believe that you are a strong young woman to even try to hang out with your peers after school at basketball games. So I believe that you could do this presentation.
A question I have for you is in this 1 and 1/2 years at home have you been doing your schoolwork or part of it at home? Perhaps by correspondence or Distance Learning? Or has your mother been teaching you or helping you? If not your days must be very long and boring. But that depends on how severe your fibro is.
Just now I went to your profile page and you mentioned having 12 surgeries!! My goodness, if you don't mind me asking, what were these surgeries for? It sounds like you were born prematurely............how much prematurely? Has this caused problems that needed surgeries to correct?
Love and gentle hugs
Rachel
Being 17 is difficult enough without facing the abandonment of the ones who should be there for you. I frequently face extreme loneliness but know I have friends I can reach out to. I feel so sad for you. Living in a small town can be difficult. I once lived in a town of 250 people. It can be tough. How far is the closest city? I think if possible you could find a peer support group that you could find some solice in?! I would be happy to talk with you over the phone if you just need an ear? You really need to search for something that makes you smile from the inside out. Those that said they were your friend and are now gone, really weren’t your friends. I know it must hurt deeply. Please let me know if I can be of help to you in any way. We could IM if you want. 
This experience that you are having is a good indication of what "friends" they were to begin with. I know it is important to have friends and be young. However your life doesn't stop when you become an adult. Your friends and values will change. who you are at 17 is not the person you will be at 27,37 or even 47. Do Not fret, things will get better. You will find a "true friend". For the time being enjoy the fact that you do have family. Not everyone is as lucky as you to have family that they can spend time with. Good Luck
Hello, I hope your days are better, after you read this reply. I am a bit older thank you and I know how flacky everyone can be!! My mother is living with me. JUST TO EXPLAIN, I HAVE A SON WHO IS ON DRUGS BIG TIME.
HIS GRANDMOTHER, MY MOTHER HAS DEMINIA AND SOON IT MAY BE ALZEHIEMERS (mispelling). i have not see mine son the way he use to be. It has been 9 years. THE ONLY TIMES HE CALLS AFTER THE 9 YEARS OF NOT SEEING ME OR HIS GRANDMOTHER. MY MOTHER IS VERY SICK ANDCAN NOT BE LEFT ALONE!!II HAVE NO ONE ELSE. MY FAMILY ARE DEAD. THE HAD CANCER, HEART ATTACKS AND MORE. LOOK AT THINGS IN A DIFFEREBENT VIEW. IT IS BETTER SOMETIMES TO HAVE FAMILY THAN NOT TO HAVE FRIENDS AT ALL.
FAMILY WILL ALWAYS BE A SOUNDING BOARD..I HAVE NO ONE AND I KNOW IF MOTHER SHOULD PASS AWAY I AM COMPLETELY ALONE. THA SCARES ME TO DEATH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!JUST LOOK AT THIS SITUATION OF MINE. WELL, I AM DIVORCED AND HAVE BEEN ALONE FOR ALMOST 22 YRS, THAT IS LONELY AND BEING SICK ALONE. PLEASE COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS BECAUSE YOU HAVE FAMILY. SOMEONE WILL ALWAYS BE AROUND FOR YOU TO USE FOR VENTING YOUR PROBLEMS. IF ANYTHING THEY MAY HAVE A DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW, THAT YOU NEVER CONSIDERED. WHEN YOU FINISH HIGH SCHOOL BEFORE YOU KNOW IT FRIENDS DISAPPEAR AND THEN YOU HAVE TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS. GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE A BOTTLE OF OLD WINE. THE FRIENDS YOU HAVE YOU CAN COUNT ON YOUR FINGERS. SOME PEOPLE JUST GO THEIR OWN WAY AND DOWN THE ROW YOUR MEET PEOPLE WITH THE SAME INTEREST YOU HAVE. REMEMBER HIGH SCHOOL IS JUST A STOP ON THE WAY. IF YOU WORK OR GO TO COLLEGE THOSE PEOPLE WILL MEAN MORE TO YOU THAN WHAT YOU THINK ARE YOUR FRIENDS NOW. BELIVE ME YOU WILL GROW WITH EXPERIENCES AND NEW PEOPLE THAT THINK WILL BE IN YOUR LIFE WILL HAVE AN IMPACT THAT WILL BE ALWAYS MORE MEANING FULL. REMEMBER THESE SO CALLED FRIENDS ARE A STOP ON THE WAY TO BIGGER AND BETTER THINGS
OPEN YOU EYES AND DO NOT GET UPSET. IN THIS WORLD THE OPORTUNITIES ARE ENDLESS, AND ALWAYS YOU WILL HAVE A DIFFERENT OUTLOOK AND AS I SAID WHEN YOU WORK OR STUDY. THOSE FRIENDS SEEM TO BE MORE IN YOUR LIFE THAN THOSE FROM HIGH SCHOOL. THEY ALL GO THEIR OWN WAY.
I HOPE YOU REALIZE EVENUALLY, BETTER OPPORTUNITES WILL COME TO YOU WITH A BUNCH OF NEW PEOPLE AND MAYBE A BETTER CLASS OF FRIENDS.
GOOD LUCK AND MOVE FORWARD!! REMEMBER NOW YOU ARE AT A STOP ON THE WAY TO NEW AND BETTER SURROUNDINGS.
TAKE CARE
ALWAYS MICHELE AND SERVICE DOG RUSH
Hey Nessa,
No matter what our ages…Unfortunately it is human nature for people to fade away when even their closest friend is sick. I have seen this happen with every one of mine. Sad but true dear. So…crappy as we feel, it is up to us to reach out to them or family or message boards like this…surely there is a Youth message board somewhere…make that a project today and seek one out. You now, even after I have explained to friends how hard it is for me to stay in touch and how I need them to…they still dont…you see, life goes on for them…yes, I get angry with them at times for ditching me…but when I have a good moment, I will send an email, text or call. There is no easy answer or fix with this part of our lives…its one day at a time. Sending you hugs.
Tracy
I agree with Berrygus. I was abandoned by all my coworkers and friends early on. I don’t know if it’s because they don’t care or if life just goes on. I am definitely older than you, but I taught school and know children and young adults.
You have to admit that a lot of young adults are very egocentric. People come in and out of their lives all the time, but their needs/wants always come first. You are just out of the loop I hate to say to them. Teens can be cruel. I don’t think a lot even realize it.
I found a support group on FB and here. Several of my FB friends have fibro, well 3. We talk a lot. My family is very close. My boyfriend is very understanding.
I would continue to go to the games and hang if you enjoy it. Some are more mature than others. Church youth groups are another way to be involved. Watch the papers for youth get to gathers. You can just watch. I do that at the adult events I go to, but people still talk to me.
I know it is hard. Hugs and much love.
Hi Nessa,
I agree with Rachel, get someone in the school involved, like the principal. You could go to him and ask him to arrange for you to speak to the school or a class, and expain to them what you have and that you are not contagious.
Are you up for it? It may be the only way!
Love and hugs,
SK
Nessa,
I feel the exactly the same way. I am 23 and have been sick for over a year and half now with the fibro and chronic Lyme disease and most of the friends I had ditched me as well. I spend most of my time with my parents and boyfriend. I am very lucky to have my boyfriend because he is so supportive of me and helps me as much as he can when I need help which is pretty much all the time. Your not alone, I too find myself focusing on medicines and not over-exerting myself. I have also had to take off a year and half from college and I still do not have my bachelors degree. If you ever need to talk I am here for you and remember this group is a family and you are not alone.
Kaitlyn
Hi Nessa,
I am sorry to hear about your problem. I know loneliness is a big cross to bear. I have been sick since birth and have always felt like an outsider. You are different when you are sick but at your age it can seem like nobody understands. Have you looked into the website called Meetup.com ? When you go to the site you put in your zip code and they list different activity groups that are in your area. You can search for groups like: book clubs, movie lovers, pet lovers, But there are support groups also. Perhaps there is a group with people your age. Or go online to see if there are online groups for people your age. I wish u the best
Maria
Hi NessaBear, I’m so sorry you are going through so much at such a young age. High school is so hard to beggin with, so I can’t even imagine how hard this must be. Please know that no matter what age we deal with fibro… Most people just do not seem to understand what we live with, and there are times when they just don’t seem to care… I choose to believe they just don’t understand.
Just be yourself, take one day at a time and try and stay positive… Your incredibly strong and brave to go back to school after being out so long, I commend you !!!
Hugs & blessings
dee
hi friends ~ i came on here because of the topic nessa began...oh sweet thing, we all know about the loneliness. in addition to severe fibro, i also have bi polar I and am right now in a very very serious depression. i actually wrote my best friend a suicide note last night...it was as close as i'd ever come. i did not call a crisis line...did not want to be stopped. i am a very deep Christian, but i was in too much PAIN within and without to pray. i just broke up with a spiritual sweetheart who lives in australia...it has thrown me into a total spin. i am eating oatmeal, toast and almond butter. the veges i cooked are getting old in the fridge. there is a serial soap opera type of thing on netflix on demand. the episodes are not at all uplifting, but now i feel part of that family and am addicted to the excitement because for those 45 minutes i am someplace else. and then it ends. some nights i am up until 2 or 3AM watching one right after another to escape. my dearest friend in the whole world recently passed over, and larry in australia was really helping me. my friend was kurt. i moved to a small town where there are few single people. my only family is my son on the other side of the continent. right now i have one kind of friend...she has been a prayer partner but did not come this week. i think she heard how depressed i was and did not wish to be around it. so i have TWO isolating illnesses. i am planning on going to church tomorrow, and then some acquaintances are coming to see my house. these are not people that i have seen much at all, and i really wish they were not coming.
nessa, i am sooo sorry you are feeling lonely. i too was lonely in high school because i had moved to a small town from new york and was way advanced in all subjects. one day three girls got a group of guys to beat up on me. my mother called the moms of these girls so they would come and apologize. as the last girl was leaving our house, my beloved pet dog, a boxer named mimi, ran out and into the street and was killed. i really isolated then...but because i smiled at everyone and determined to be better than they were, i was voted the most popular girl in my class. sometimes we have to fake it before we make it, but i KNOW how hard it is.
my prayers, love and blessings....annie
This is a great idea Maria! You always have so many great suggestions and advice! I wish you lived closer to me, we'd have a ball!
Love and hugs,
SK
Hi Nessa,
I am so sorry for you having to be where you are right now. It is sad that the ones whom you think are your friends show their true colors when the time gets tough. It's nice to know your family is there for you too. This fibro stuff although I may have had it for a long time and it didn't rear it's ugly head til now kinda thing, it's really all new to me. Just know I will be thinking of you and I hope will write me back and maybe we can talk some more. I am not very good at saying what I'm trying to say so please forgive me if it comes out weird ok. Have a nice day sweetie,
I agree. My friends I had I hs and college are now FB friends. I don’t get visited except by family. It’s okay; I enjoy keeping up with their lives. My family and boyfriend have to put up wit me! lol
Rachel...what wonderful ideas. I especially like the one with the school presentation. This way the other kids can learn and Nessa can feel empowered over her illness.
Maria
I like this too, whoever came up with it. It's a wonderful idea because it coud be at one time or another one of those young ladies will start having some of the same symptoms and the presentation and knowing Nessa has it could help them to deal with it in the future. Nessa could be a ray of hope and someone a person can feel confident in asking questions about which not only encourages and gives strength to them but to Nessa also.
Now Nessa, you have a project to work on. Something for you to put your heart into not only help you, but help other young women your age too.
Since I've been home and not attending school because of being too sick I have been studying to just take my G.E.D and then after I have been looking into phlebotomy classes. I was born 3 months early I weighed 2lbs. Most of my surgeries were general things like tonsels and adnoids but the other were nerves that I had cut to stop pain and my gallbladder because it never formed along with a few ear surgeries and exploritory surgeries.
Thanks for taking the time to write on here It's nice to have support from people that understand what you're going through! And I will definitely look into doing a presentation at the school :)
It's very tough being in such a small town and the closest city is an hour and a half away........but I've been looking to find a support group there! Thank you sooo much for willing to talk to me so I will let you know If I need anything and same goes for you too!