My name is Annie, and I’m new to the group. I was diagnosed in 2007, after neck & hand surgery. The rheumatologist documented my case as severe and not responding to treatment, medication and otherwise. I’m taking triamterine-hydrochlorothiaside for hypertension, Requip for restless leg, Meloxicam as a daily nsaid, Cymbalta for depression and fibro, and the newest is gabapentin. I have degenerative disk disease (a new herniation in L5/S1, lymes, high blood pressure, chronic fatigue and pain, depression, and fibromyalgia.
So yes, I’m a fibro vet, and I thought by now I’d somehow be able to cope better but sometimes I feel so defeated and that my body has let me down. I’m in a funk (depression) which is frustrating because I begin to question things that I know the truth in my heart and mind. My self-esteem takes a plummet and I’m back to feeling sad, lonely and completely vulnerable.
I have been in depression for a long time since getting sick. You are not alone. If Cymbalta is not working for your depression I'd tell the doc. I'm seeing a psychiatrist to try and work through my depression. I only just started so I don't have any great claims of success at present. I remember being so depressed it hurt me to say positive things but I made myself start doing it because I had to find something to break me out of that dark funk. It's a real situation and you have my empathy. Do let your doc know that you are still depressed even though you are taking something to help. They may need to change/add a medication. It's worth the effort if it makes you feel any better.
Thank you so much for writing. I will take your advice and talk to the doctor about the depression and revisit the meds I’m on. She did prescribe Xanax to take prn for anxiety and panic attacks. When I’m in a depression funk, I wouldn’t say it’s anxiety or a panic attack - it’s the opposite. Would a funk warrant taking Xanax I wonder.
Funds can be short term or lasting forever at times. I journal a lot, especiall I’m feeling like that. I get so self-destructive and I want to isolate myself from everyone, I want to crawl in my hole where it’s dark and lonely, because I don’t deserve happiness or to be pain-free.
Do when I journal, I bring myself out of it, through the tears and a dozen or more tissues.
Annie- great chatting with you this morning. So sorry you are feeling so depressed. It is so hard to stay upbeat when you feel so crappy. Like you I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia for many years, with my first bout with it I became very depressed, my doctor suggested that I see a therapist, which I did because I was at that time going through a nasty divorce, and through cognitive behavioral therapy for my depression and anxiety I was able to crawl out of that depression. I still had the pain and all the other crap that goes along with this god awful disease but it helped me cope better on a daily basis. I know I still use the skills I learned to help me get through the low times. Good luck to you. We are all here for you - Hugs
I know what you mean Annie. I’ve fought the depression part of fibro since before I was actually diagnosed with fibro. It’s an ongoing battle, and some days it’s all I can do to get out of bed and get dressed. I missed work yesterday because I was too stiff to move (I’ve been having a flare the past few days) and that just makes me more depressed. It’s a vicious cycle and I wish I had some answers for what to do about it. All I can tell you is you’re not the only one who struggles with it. It’s part of life for us, so we have to keep on fighting.
Hugs and prayers!
Karli
hi there karli - good evening. i went to the laundromat today - such a daunting task, physically i mean. it's not easy whatsoever to haul the laundry in and all that entails. it makes me so tired just thinking about doing the wash, but it's done, thank goodness.
i am so glad you wrote to me - to say i am not alone - and that's what i've been looking for, and that it's not all in my head! the depression for me too has been a long long battle - before i was diagnosed as well. i know when i have a flare that i don't want to do anything - even get out of bed and i try not to be hard on myself when all i do is rest and take care of myself by doing just that - resting.
hey there - so you went through a divorce as well - that's not fun, is it? life is so hard and then to go through a divorce, wow, it's just not what you expect to be doing when you're walking down the aisle, is it?
my dr told me to perhaps see a therapist, and i don't know, i think at the time, i just thought that she has no clue what it's like to have fibro - even though she is a rheumatologist. she's great with the actual clinical kind of knowledge but not so great with the emotional side of fibro. despite having fibro for a number of years now, i don't always find myself so well equipped to handle the really bad days. i find i just want to hide - or crawl out of my body - to escape it.
I am sorry for what you are going thru. This thing called Fibromyalgia is quite the journey isn't it?
We never know where it is going to take us. I didn't even know what it was when O was diagnosed! But boy did I learn quickly.
But, I just wanted to say hang in there. Better days are ahead! You have come to good place. Everyone here is so understanding and kind. It is a safe place, no judgements. Keep us posted on how you are doing, please.
More than I want to admit, but yes I also suffer from depression, For many years I have sent my Dad a Thank You card. Last month I just didn't, I just couldn't........ At the end of the month Dad called me with the "I thot you called me/ welfare check" call. I take Mirtazapine for my depression. I was given Clonazapam for my "panic" (but actually "want to beat the crap out of someone"). attacks. M
Yeah, fibro causes depression. I felt great for awhile with anti-depressants but am back to feeling kind of funky again. I am thinking that this is going to be how it is because to change meds would require me getting off Lyrica and I won't. For you, you may be able to get a higher dosage or a different anti-depressant or a second anti-depressant added. So I suggest going back to your doctor and asking if more can be done to help you with the depression.
Meanwhile, you have a lot of stressors to add to your pain: herniated disk, lyme disease and CFS. No wonder you feel depressed at times!
Believe it or not, sunshine really does physically help with depression, so maybe going out for 15 minutes every day would help. Exercise is another thing that helps to relieve depression but I know that most of us find it difficult to impossible to perform it. For me, music helps to lift my spirits. Or even photos of dogs, dogs hugging, uplifting stuff, helps. I'm not trying to play PollyAnna and pretend that your depression can be easily chased away. But sometimes there are ways to push it back a bit. I've also been known to listen to really biting music that expresses a lot of pain in it, courtesy of Mr. John Lennon (solo stuff.) Sometimes acerbic music is helpful!
Meanwhile, please feel free to come here and talk or else just read. I suspect that knowing that others here are like you will help you out. It's hard, as you can feel so alone with this illness, as it's so encompassing and overwhelming.
Those "want to beat the crap out of someone" attacks are also a part of depression, believe it or not. Is there anyway you can go back to your doctor to see if your meds need adjusting? Sometimes it can't be done but if it can be, it'd be a big improvement, I would think. Trust me, I know exactly how that feels, have been there in the past.
Or maybe just owning up to depression is enough to help us. I don't know. I find that I do get good positive energy from visiting here, and that helps to keep depression at bay. Sometimes it takes kind of putting yourself into a good place to feel good again. That's one of my favorite tricks.
I hope you feel better in the days to come, Luna. Depression is such a nasty, insidious companion.
Yes you do deserve to be happy and pain-free! If you need to crawl into the nice, snuggly dark hole, go for it, but please, please remember that you deserve happiness and health. We didn't "do" anything to come down with this insidious illness. If you think back in time, some people got leprosy, which meant much of their skin and muscle was eaten away over time. They were stuck away for good in leper colonies because the disease was highly contagious. But they didn't do anything to wind up with the disease. Sometimes terrible things happen to good people. Period. I believe that a rabbi even wrote a book on the topic - When Bad Things Happen to Good People. Here's something from the book. I find it helpful and you may too: http://www.myjewishlearning.com/beliefs/Theology/Suffering_and_Evil...
I hope it's helpful to you. I know how hard it is to deal with all we are given.
Huggle Dogs!
