Day 27 - Saturday, time to cuddle in, settle down, rest & praps think how I’m doing & where I’m going
First - making amends:
- I thought I’d lost a day, but had just counted wrong, set that right now, I hope.
- The supplement-guru is a doc whom my acquaintance, ‘Harry’, is following. This doc is just as limited and even more self-glorifying than Harry. I’m not saying they are wrong, the supp-regime is well thought up. So it was OK for me to spend quite a bit of money on it.
- Bella, bella, bella! The beautiful. The gorgeous. Like Sady Ann one of our forum-mascots… Can she forgive me?.. Ah, no, I’ll take this one over to the other thread… 2 hours later
12 Aching all morning, laughing & fooling around helped to distract tho. Grey outside. Table tennis?! 
Best breathe first: 2x1 was a good help, table tennis 4-games-no-breaks was a good laugh in drizzle with everything wet, the ball was swooping like it was learning to fly.
But after it the Ache is coming back fully, 5/6 of 7.
OK: Where am I on Day 27 of working at 20%, 2 days before going up to 40%?
Did I manage 20% well, am I full of zip, raring to go up to 40%, no problem, sky’s the limit? Ehm, no.
At the moment I’m feeling so bad that I shouldn’t make a decision based only on this.
But it might be a better time to start calculating what makes sense than if I were feeling good.
The basics: As long as I’m trying and progressing, I’ll be getting full pay, more than enough, putting it aside.
If I could manage working 40%, then that’d be 50% work, +10% for being “severely disabled”, on disability it’d be +25%=75% pay. The most effective solution: 40% work for 75% pay! If I could.
If I don’t manage it up to 40%, I’m out and will get 50% disability pay. Less than these 40=50% is not allowed. Which is still just about enough, I don’t need much money, I have no car, don’t like going on holiday and my hobbies don’t cost much. And I could always work extra or for free if I wanted/needed to. Others in my job work 50% and get paid 50%, just because this job is otherwise too hard for them. And in the first five years I can apply to try working again.
I don’t want to work if that means overdoing it, making it flare up, “too much” - but how much is too much? (Why are you working altho it flares up?..if you are…)
And is it really the work which is causing the flares? And what about work is it?
Seeing as tho I don’t need to work, it should be giving me more than it’s taking.
It’s not giving me much. It’s OK, but I didn’t miss it and at the moment I’m getting used to it and it’s nice seeing everybody, but I don’t need it much inside. But I do like it a bit. I used to say I’d made it in to my dream job. But at the moment it’s not that.
Day 1 OK
Day 2 OK
Day 3 work tough; plus dentist
Day 4 Ache 6/7 from work, tt3.
Day 5 weary
Day 6 depressed
Day 7 Sunday good
Week 1: too tough.
Day 8 Ache 7, later 5/6 & seizures
Day 9 fresher, bit feverish
Day 10 quite good
Day 11 Success
Day 12 Weak but happy, Acu-success
Day 13 Acu-success
Day 14 Good, self-care
Week 2: Monday too hard, Tuesday & Friday just about OK.
Day 15 Good, but torso-Ache
Day 16 Energy
Day 17 Energy, posture
Day 18 Ache / ill 5 bc of work
Day 19 Work Ache 4 bc of work, later 5 despite therapy
Day 20 OK
Day 21 Overdoing it deliberately: Shower OK.
Week 3: Thursday & Friday too hard.
Day 22 Weary, cold wrists. Bashed.
Day 23 OK. Therapy did nothing.
Day 24 Not sure. Stirring.
Day 25 Achy after work, zoom, singing, dentist: too much.
Day 26 work ok, after therapy nauseous, then achy
Day 27 Ache 6…
Week 4: too tough, Monday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
So: Week 1 was without nosestrips. 2 & 3 were OK. But 4 should’ve been an improvement.
Stress? That was more this week, feeling bashed by several people… Sleep worse than I thought? But no, I don’t think it was that much.
Initial worsening after Treatment? (has happened 1 or 2x) - that would mean tomorrow and next week should be brilliant? 
If not… 
(Oops, “overediting” stopped me for 9 hours!)
Ache5/7 till the afternoon. 1h housework OK, but the limit, Ache5.
Then my anus started worsening 
praps from fruit salad (bits of orange?) yesterday. 
cost me 3 h of sleep first, neither 3 lotions, nor cold, nor heat helped, nor distraction/self-hypnosis etc. 
cold showering, out of desparation, after having to cry out 3x 
Rest of the night OK: Right knee, left elbow arnica cream (Traumeel), cold water, hot water bottle. Elbow Knee: Continuing.