I feel like my body is a prison. Lately it is affecting my work. I can't concentrate, I don't have the motivation to complete tasks and all I can think about is how horrible my body feels. I see other people enjoying their day, having the energy I wish I had, laughing genuinly and I feel jealous. I'm jealous because I want to to feel that way too. For the past couple of days, I have been in a lot of pain, fatigue is unmeasurably worse and I don't feel like myself. Last night, I was looking at my wedding album and the photos of me on that day, and I thought to myself, where is that smiling girl? I'm losing the ability to break through the dark clouds and see the sunshine. I wouldn't trade my life for anything because I love my family, my husband, my job, and my cat. I would, however, trade my body in for a new one in a hot minute! (I know that isn't possible though). My spine hurts a lot today and it is radiating pain into my upper back. I want to leave work, but I already missed a day last week, and 3 1/2 hours yesterday for a medical appointment. Financially, I cannot lose my job or put it in jeopardy. My husband and I need both of our incomes. I seriously want to go home, take a hot bath, lay in bed and cuddle with my cat. People that say, "Omg this is the worst day ever" because maybe their car got a flat tire or they had 1 angry person on the phone with them, have no idea what a bad day is for a person with FMS. I would trade this diagnosis in for a flat tire every day and 10 angry customer calls if I could. *Feeling discouraged*
HI Sara, I am sorry you are having a tough time. Have you talked with your doctor about how you are feeling? Maybe a medication adjustment is in order. Also, maybe ask if there are vitamins you should be taking that might help with the energy and fog. I know I take Vitamin B12 and several others and it seems to help with the energy. Of course, you should do this with the knowledge / advice of your doctor. When I start feeling really discouraged or feeling bad that my life isn't like it was before Fibro, I try to stop the negative thoughts and turn them into positive thoughts by focusing on all the things I do have. I have a greater appreciation for the smaller things in life and certainly a greater compassion and empathy for others. I have a wonderful daughter and a house full of pets. Also, even though it is really hard, when I get feeling so low I force myself to get up and take a walk which helps me clear my head. I might only walk a short distance but just getting up and moving seems to help. I try to focus on small things as I go, I appreciate the colors of the leaves, the smell of rain in the air, the butterflies happily flying along, etc. You also mentioned that for a couple of days you have been in a lot of pain (flare?). Have you called your doctor's office to see if they can recommend something? Have you tried taking a hot bath with Epsom salt? Using a heating pad or blanket? Deep breathing / visualization / white noise (I use an ocean sound and it helps a lot)? Just some things I or others find helpful. Also, for me, I use ice packs as well as I don't tolerate heating pads at all. Hang in there and please keep us updated on how you are doing. And smile, it is Friday, I hope you have the weekend off from work and can relax and pamper yourself. Hugs!
Hi Sara! It’s ok to be discouraged as long as you don’t stay discouraged! Just like you, I’ve had a terrible flare of increased pain since Wednesday. I was off work Thursday & 1/2 the day today & still hurt so bad that my tramadol won’t touch the pain! I had an awesome day on Monday & I keep reminding myself that this flare will pass in a day or so. You are young and are a very smart young lady (I read your profile) I know you have big plans for your life and I don’t want you to stay down in the dumps. At your young age, all of this adversity that you face daily regarding your own health will help you help others in your field down the road. In the meantime, be patient & kind to yourself when your pain flares up & check with your doctor to see if an adjustment in your treatment plan is in order. Feel better soon Sara. HUGS from Deb
I so hope you start feel better! I can relate to all that you said. It is very difficult to feel better or feel positive when you feel so crummy. I hope you were able to take a warm bath or shower, wrap up in a warm blanket, and snuggle with your cat. Hopefully, you have the weekend of and you can get some rest. It sucks to know that other people feel the same way you do, but it is comforting to know that you are not alone! Full time work and fibromyalgia do not belong in the same sentence. You don't have to explain how much you love your family, husband, job ect., I get it! When you feel like sh#@, it sucks! This is what I was talking about, earlier.
When you feel bad and want to go home or stay home or are running late.....the bad feelings mix with the anxiety of having to do what is expected of you....and you get more upset.....vicious cycle. Not fun! I hope you get some much needed rest, some much needed relief from the pain, and some snuggle time with your cat. HUGS!
Thank you Auburnm, Deb and Steph. Yesterday and the whole week were really bad, but they are looking up today : ) I'm in less pain and am able to relax, do stuff at my leisure and don't have to work on the weekends. I was considering talking to my boss about doing 4 ten hours shifts so I can have 3 days off per week. I don't think he will go for it unless I explain my medical conditions and how I've been feeling lately at work regarding the pain and productivity decrease. It's very difficult to maintain the level of productivity I usually am able to do at work when pain and fatigue get to this high level. At this time, my PCP isn't able to do anything more for me. I have meds to help me tolerate the pain and unfortunately, for some reason, a lot of the meds I've taken don't seem to work, or they work for a few months and are then ineffective. I'm working with a new MD therapist and he has asked me to research Provigil and a few other options to see if they are OK with me and if I am OK with possible side effects. My counselor said something to me that was so nice and validated my feelings. He stated, "Well, I don't think it's too much to ask to want to have normalcy and energy to do things". Lately, I just feel like I'm swimming upstream, and I would like to be able to just wade in the water if possible, I'm not even asking to be able to flow down the river, just floating would be okay with me at this point. And thank you Steph for saying, "When you feel bad and want to go home or stay home or are running late.....the bad feelings mix with the anxiety of having to do what is expected of you....and you get more upset.....vicious cycle". I 100% agree! and Deb, I do have big plans for my life and I don't want this dx to get in my way, thank you for the encouragement.
Also, today I tried Salonpas patches for my back and Wow do they feel nice! : ) It's a cooling/calming feeling for my pain and muscles. Like you Auburnm, I don't tolerate heat very well unless I'm in the bathtub. That is essentially the only place where heat feels good and helps.
The support and kind words are appreciated always,
Hi, I am happy to hear today is better for you! I always appreciate the good days a little bit more after a few bad days. I also like to use SalonPas, it does help me in some areas. Anyway, just wanted to tell you I am happy today is a better day! Hugs!!!
The "Emergency Kit" is a great idea. I have little things here and there that help me, but I need to put together an actual kit. I just tried Salonpas patches on Saturday and those are amazing. It doesn't really help a lot with the pain, but the cooling sensation relaxes me and helps my muscles relax. I also take Tylenol while I'm at work because I can't take my pain med, makes me sleepy and sometimes dizzy. Tylenol dulls the pain to a point where I can tolerate it mostly; but sometimes doesn't even touch it. I have learned to start taking my breaks very seriously and that my body needs that time to recooperate. I have some days where I am so busy that I forget to take my breaks and it does affect me at the end of the day and later in the week. I also listen to music on my lunch break and it tunes everything work related out for a little while to let me brain relax. I'm still trying new things and am open to suggestions, as you provided, thank you for those ideas. I wish I had a bathtub at work I could soak in on my lunch and that would help a lot lol Heat pads do not work for me. I run hot as it is because of my muscles/inflamation and heat pads make it worse. Cold packs on the other hand, that might be a viable option. It's weird how our bodies can tolerate heat in a bathtub, but heating pads can be an irritant. This diagnosis is so strange and unpredictable.