I'm really sad right now, crying on and off. I broke down on the phone with my mom, but luckily she understood me even though I couldn't talk. I'm angry and sad.
My husband married me knowing about my FMS despite the many outs I offered him. Although I've improved a lot since then, he doesn't believe in "baby steps". He's frustrated I don't have a corporate job (even though I work PT), that I don't cook dinner often enough (and that I'm vegetarian - which he knew from day one when we met 10 years ago), plus other stuff. The most hurtful thing he's said is that I "let myself go". Mind you, I still do my hair, makeup, and dress up. But yes, I've gained a lot of weight. I'm still nowhere near overweight or obese though - clinically or non-clinically; the problem is WHERE i carry my weight.
I feel so dejected and depressed.
I apologize for being depressing...I needed to vent. I'm tired of crying. Thank you in advance for those of you that listened to me. Much love.
P.S. my profile picture IS of my current weight? Taken less than a month ago...you know, where I "let myself go".
P.P.S. Sorry for any spelling/grammatical errors. I just feel so fatigued right now.
I am sorry to hear the problems you are having. Hope the vent helps in some small way - we all need a safe place to do that. My thoughts are with you and I wish you well
you are not big and you are beautiful, I'm sorry to hear of your hard times and of how low you are feeling, and venting is a way to lift some of the weight off your shoulders. As horrible as it sounds i think crying can help too :) keep your chin up happier and easier days will come and there is always support from others around you even if it is just to hear you vent x
Hi. Ditto what the others said.
Perhaps getting your self a strong box that you can lock to keep your meds in. I know it does not solve your current issue but it may be something to think about. All the best
So sorry you’re going through this. With regards to your medication, i was also going to recommend a lockbox. I just looked through a bunch of them on Amazon and lots of the ones for medication are made to be childproof only. But I found a good, sturdy safe that can be bolted to floor or wall, great reviews and not too expensive. Its called the “Homegear Small Electronic Safe”, search Amaxon for it. Oh, here’s a link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00FXS4HIU/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_NQ.UvbAJV3F7S
But you could also get one local or look around more on Amazon. Hope you’ll be ok, it’s going to be a tough month. You could talk to your prescribing doc but only if you’re not on a contract. If you’re on an opiate contract then just asking for an early refill may get you barred from any future opiate meds.
About your husband’s complaints re:fibro: I know it’s so hard for families and friends to understand. The best thing you could do would be to find a couples counselor who understands chronic illness and fibromyalgia. You had mentioned a therapist in your profile, maybe they can do this or refer you to someone who can.
Otherwise, perhaps you could have him read about fibromyalgia and what he can do to support you. I’ve been scanning the literature and found a few articles that you could print out for him or give him the link.
I would also change things around the house to make things easy on you but meets your husbands desires.
Use disposable plates, cups and silverware so you don’t have to do dishes (I found that tip in Arthritis Magazine and do it often.)
Hire a housekeeper if you can, even if it’s only once or twice per month.
Use home delivery services to avoid running around shopping. Amazon has everything from peanut butter to disposable plates. See if Schwans is available in your area, they will deliver quality frozen foods to your door every other week. Also you can get individually wrapped chicken breasts or salmon for your husband and Livesmart vegetables for you.
Order pizza or Chinese food to be delivered or your husband can pick up from restaurants on his way home.
Thank you all for your kind and compassionate words. I will look into the suggestions offered. I will take a look at the article links you included, Starr. I don't know if it'll help since my husband has his mind made up, but it can't hurt!
Either your husband is very frustrated or very controlling. I would suggest couple counselling to find out which. If he refuses then you need some for yourself.
I could have written your message 25 years ago. After some counselling and talking to my doctor my husband is my best support. We have had 36 years of a mostly happy marriage. If he refuses to be there for you remember you are a worthwhile person and don't have to except being treated any other way.
Hi Tia,
I’m sorry that you are going through a rough time. While all of us may not be going through what you are right now, I would say a lot of us fear our spouse giving up on the way of life we have or are becoming custom to. So hang in there. I think if he is willing to go to counseling that it is a start and your marriage is still important to him too. Starr had some good suggestion that might just be enough for him to meet you in the middle. No matter what hold your head high and never doubt who you are because you are beautiful and strong.
Hoping you feel better,
Mom52
I just wanted to give an update on the marriage situation. Counseling didn't do much for us because my Fibromyalgia is not the only major issue; my husband has some major childhood trauma he never dealt with.
We're still going forward for our plans for divorce, but taking our time until we are both on our feet - financially for me and emotionally for him.
The odd thing is that our relationship has gotten better in a way since we've decided to split. We still live in the same house/separate bedrooms for financial reasons. However, we are nicer to each other. He is more thoughtful towards me and my needs, and vice versa. We spend more time together than we did before this decision. We do things like go out to dinner, movies, out with friends, bars, etcetera. We make dinner together and eat dinner together. We do the dishes together and clean together.
None of this changes his decision to want to split, but I feel like he leads me on sometimes. He gets upset if he's doing something and I don't join him - like if he's watching TV downstairs and I'm reading a book upstairs. He'll ask me why I'm ignoring him when I'm not - I'm just busy doing something else. He'll get me my favorite treats and stuff. There's a lot of other stuff too...it's frustrating.
BUT I HAVE GOOD NEWS! I've gotten past the self-pity stage. I know now I'm strong enough to live my life without him. I'm still hurt and angry, but it no longer consumes me. I CAN DO THIS! Maybe I'll go back to self-pity tomorrow or the next day, but the important thing here is, no matter how I may feel on a given day, I know I can do this and will survive it!
"A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle" %Gloria Steinman%
"A woman is like a tea bag---only in hot water do you realize how strong she is" )Nancy Reagen(
"You are more powerful than you think. It IS SAFE to be strong" *Doreen Virtue PhD*
"My chains are gone - I've been set FREE. . . . . I am NO longer a prisoner of my husband. But a child of the World" %Maggi Hauberg%
"I am NOT helpless! I CAN & WILL take the steps needed to get through this obstacle" %Dr Phil C McGraw%
"I wish to live without hate, whim, jealousy, envy, fear. I wish to be simple, honest, frank, natural, clean in mind & clean in body. . . . to face any obstacle & meet any difficulty unabashed & unafraid." ^Elbert Hubbard^
These quotes I hope will help you keep sane thru this difficult time in your life. In fact I once copied these in large print, taped the pages together & taped the suckers on my bedroom walls. Wherever I looked there was an affirmation keeping me strong & safe.
Hi Tia, I can’t imagine how hard this is for you, but I can relate in a way. I was diagnosed with FMS 6 yrs ago. I had only been married about 2.5 yrs at that time, but my symptoms started about a year after we were married. I have always been over weight, but I was always very active. I cleaned my house every day, I cooked every night, I had a system at night that I followed religiously to get my family ready for work/school , I exercised at least 3 days a week, I worked FT night shift as a respiratory therapist (12 hr shifts), and I was still able to take and pick up my kids from school. Then, in November of "07 I started getting debilitating migraines, and my energy level just dropped to nothing. I started waking up stiff and fatigued and I could barely get up the energy to get my kids ready for school. My weight has always been an issue but if I was at least able to work out and making an effort to maintain my health my husband was ok with me. Then the symptoms set in, I stopped exercising because of the pain and lack of energy, I let the house go as the smallest chore felt overwhelming and I completely let myself go. I gained weight, I stopped putting any effort into my appearance and all I did was work and sleep. My husband became increasingly irritated with me. He thought I was just being lazy and gaining weight for no reason. I started to exercise but I couldn’t do it without hurting myself. I even got the lap band placed to try to loose weight but doing the injections was too painful for me. I finally went into my doctor frustrsted and dejected. We have been going in circles for 2 yrs trying to figure out what was wrong with me. He finally had a hunch, did the trigger point exam and just like that, I was diagnosed with an incurable condition with no reliable treatment other than pain meds Anyway, to sum up a very long story, my husband and I started fighting constantly. I would go to work, barely get my kids to school on time, I was lucky if I woke up in time to pick them up. I would bring them home and go strait to bed. I stopped making dinner or their lunches for school, the laundry piled up and my youngest who has some special needs, often went to school with her hair in a mated mess. I was in such a bad state that my husband became a single parent doing the cooking, laundry, cleaning and homework with the kids after he got home from work. I was useless. We almost split up and I was at the end of my rope. He didn’t understand what was going on with me or how I could go from the person he met, and fell in love with, to the person I am now. He would talk to my mother, who’s a nurse, my doctors and they couldn’t tell him anything than what I have already told him. Our relationship was looking pretty bleak. We didn’t want to split because we still loved each other, but we also couldn’t be around each other. He started researching the syndrome online, and looking for alternative therapies which were all a dead end. However he did read that just getting out and walking, or doing something mildly active that you enjoy such as walking in the park, or on the beach etc can help boost energy n keep your body from stiffining up. He also read that the boost shakes help with energy n nutrition . So instead of sitting on the sidelines just watching me wilt away, he became proactive in my treatment. Theres days that he rides me to walk and exercise and I just don’t want to and he will nag and nag me relentlessly that we get into some nasty fights, but I do it in the end and wind up thanking him later. Sometimes I hate him for it, but in the end, I know he has my best interestsat heart… When I first joined this group last year, it became an outlet for me to vent, n get some advice . My husband started to read posts from this group and he now has a better understanding of how I’m feeling and how to help me. This support group isn’t just for the inflicted, it’s also for their loved ones to get support, advice, n vent. I hope this h
We just spoke today about pursuing counseling. Let’s see if he actually goes through with it now.