I’m so angry with my husband. Upset and disappointed really. I had a lot of pain yesterday. Still today too but really bad yesterday. I made it through work and came home and just wanted a gentle back rub and my heating pad. I ended up staying in the bedroom all night. With my husband not believing I had pain. And him being annoyed that he to take care of our 2 year old. Today its a little better. I told him I still have pain. He actually said he doesn’t believe me. I guess because I forced myself to get through the workday and went to a store on my lunchbreak I’m a liar. I grew up with chronic headaches and learned to deal with almost daily pain. I try not to complain too because honestly no one wants to hear it. But is too much to ask that my husband give me some support. Maybe ask if I’m ok. Talk to me sometime. Sorry I just needed to vent.
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I am so sorry he doesn't believe you. I have lost my bf over the fibro and all of my friends so I understand. I have no one. You are not a liar and I have found that no one will take you seriously or understand. It is not too much to ask for your husband to help and support. I wish I had someone most of the time. I have spent most of today crying alone. I can't even find an online friend. Here is a hug to you and hopes that he comes around and helps and tries to understand. I know what it is like to have no one to talk to. I hope you can feel a little better. Hugs
Thanks. I’m scared I will lose everyone. I realize I’m irritable too much of the time but it hurts. I cant seem to communicate with him very well. When I don’t have pain I try to talk to him but he doesn’t want to hear it then either. I’m worried about worsening symptoms and how my future will be. This group is a good support in a lot of ways but it also scares me. So much of what I read is people having very severe physical and mental symptoms losing friends and being unable to work or do the things they like to do. I’m desperate to get this under control. I just need my husband to be there for me. Not just when I don’t feel well but for lots of things and he just isn’t. But he blames me. I’m just frustrated.
Just venting helps. And its ok to do that here. I work full time and manage to take care of my home and kids. But it eeems like its getting more and more difficult an im scared for the future.
Wendy-Anne we are listening
Please call that number and talk
Hi, Dawn.
It really sounds like you your husband are having some disconnect going on there. Is this dynamic ongoing or is it just a night of him being "off?" If it's ongoing, I would think that going for marriage counseling really might benefit the both of you, and if he refuses to go, then maybe you could go for counseling yourself. If it's not an ongoing thing, then it might help if you print out some of our discussions and show them to him, so he can read how other people feel with fibro, and how much alike our complaints and symptoms are.
It IS disappointing when someone whom you love doesn't take your word on you how you feel. Maybe you could ask him, "Do you trust me when I'm watching our child? Do you trust me when I shop with our money? Do you trust me when we're in bed together? Do you trust me when I tell you that our child has a fever? Then why don't you trust me when I tell you that I'm ill?" Or something like that. Goodness! He must know how trustworthy you are so why is he questioning it when you're ill? Because it inconveniences him? Yes, it does inconvenience our loved ones, but then again, a spouse has promised to be with the other "in sickness and in health."
I truly hope that today went better for you, and you and your spouse are in a better place. In the meantime, maybe you could try to build up a support system of friends or even people in your community who have fibro. And you would be surprised to find out how many of them are out there! My neighbor across the street from me has it, and my neighbor two houses down also does. Two of my clients also do.
Youdidnt mess up my post. Why does the doctor say u will be paralyzed? How can he possibly predict that?
I understand how it hurts. This week has not been good for me. I realize your situation is worse than mine but hope for tomorrow is sometimes what we need to believe in. Are u set on finding a female therapist only? Is there a male u could see? Are there any support groups in your area?
Yes I am set on a female, every man therapist will have the same "man" point of view and have no luck with men
Did you check with the insurance for a list of Providers? Or the phone book for names u call to see if they are an option? Finding decent Providers is a big problem these days. I really wish I could help you.
It seems like its just a constant hassle. He doesn’t want to discuss anything. Just wants to pretend if he ignores the problems they will go away. I’m just supposed to “get over” every concern I have rather than discuss it. I have been seeing a counselor every two weeks. He went a few times but when things started to focus on him he refused to go. All my frustration just keeps building because nothing is ever resolved. He has no empathy for anyone. And the common courtesies like opening a door or helping carry in groceries are just beyond him. Its hard to explain but I know I don’t like it like this and have been trying to improve things for months and I’m not getting anywhere.
Men, huh? Some can be thick as bricks when it comes to talking about feelings or problems. I do really feel for you.
Are there times when he is amenable to talking about things? I swear, I would find pics in magazines of a man opening a door for a woman and a man helping carry in groceries. I'd paste each picture that is a problem area onto an index card, and at the bottom of the card, write an inscription, like, "Man helping woman with door = woman feel cared for = makes her happier = makes marriage better = man will be happier too." Then I'd find one of a man and woman looking frustrated or stumped and write, "ignoring the pain does not = it going away, just makes a woman feel neglected. Acknowledging it = a woman feeling listened to = a happier marriage = husband feeling more loved." I dunno, maybe you DO need to lay it out in such visual, simple terms. I really think that men tune our words out. So try a different approach, I guess. Couldn't hurt. Then if he seems to get it, maybe he could write up something about women that men find frustrating, and you could swap cards, saying something like, "if I stop doing this annoying thing, (example, talking during a football game,) then I'm giving you this card of mine (man holding a door) that you can do to help me feel better."
I don't know if this is any help at all. Just trying to brainstorm cause I know men and women really are on different brainwaves in regards to communication.
Here's another idea:
Get picture of a football field with two opposing teams on it.
Write beneath the picture:
Field goal = husband holding door for wife.
Safety = husband helping to carry in the groceries.
Touchdown = listening and accepting that wife is in pain and this doesn't change.
These are all positive football terms, as far as i can tell (not being a football fan,) so maybe if you equate good actions of his to positive football terms, he might "get it.."
Just ideas to play with.
Dawn, I'm so sorry your husband is unsupportive. Mine is too, although if he ever said he didn't believe me, I'd kick his butt. Lol.
I've just learned to accept that I can't count on him. It sucks, but you can't make someone be supportive if they just refuse. My husband works from 5 pm until 5 am and then sleeps from 6 am until 3 pm, so I'm used to him not being there. Everything is my responsibility anyhow.
Do you have another family member that you can ask to help on the really bad days? Mom, sister, friend who can feed your 2 year old dinner, and do bath time?
I found that I had to cut back on my hours at work - I couldn't do everything at home and work full time too (I also have Lupus). Maybe that's an option for you? You can tell your husband that since he doesn't want to help out at home, and you don't feel well enough to do it all, he can pick up more hours or get a second job to allow you to cut back on your hours. Sounds fair to me!
Best of luck to you,
Sharon
Hi Dawn, You have every right to be angry. If the tables were turned I bet you would do all possible to understand this illness... I have to say I am so lucky with my hubby, before I even accepted the fact that I had Fibro he had done so much research on this to explain it all to me. I have a hard time remembering so he helps me out lol. I am sure having your husband work midnights doesn't help. Been there done that and did everything alone for 2 years and it stinks. Just hang in there if you need to just kick him in the behind and tell him to be more compasionate.... Hope you have a nice weekend... Hugs, Robin
Petunia this is a great way to get them to understand/listen to us....
yes and I don't have a vehicle or any friend to drive me at all never-mind a couple times per week, I have no income and can't afford a taxi from another town and there is no public transportation in this small town
Hey, I used to have to come up with novels ways to deal with my young (at the time) son, so I had to get real creative!
I'm so sorry he's being a jerk right now. Try taking him to you're next doc's appt. (if you have a doc that truly believes in fibro) hearing from a expert might convince him. I believe you, we all do. Hugs, Charlie :)
You know what it means when people don't believe you have as much pain as you do? It means that you have gotten strong enough to hold that pain in your body and still participate in life, and that is not something to scoff at. Being that strong takes years of hard work, tears, and a complete re-situation of yourself inside your mind. Trust me, if there were some way to transfer the pain we feel to the person who doesn't believe us, they'd be on the ground crying before they could even admit they believe you now. :/
im sorry he dont`t belive you i to had a partner like that at frist was okish then got worse and it was me looking after them the were just lazy and i would have to make the coffees and food walk the dogs feed the dogs ect all the time and if i asked them to help me i would get a huff and roll off the eyes even though all they had done all day was sit on the ps3 and do nothing all day got me so angry but i did it coz i loved them but they broke up with me a few days ago :/ chin up hun gentel hugs sending your way xx