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Hi everyone...My doctor and I have been discussing fibro for a while now,but she has me on antidepressants first, hoping that once that is under control, my other symptoms will be better as well. "Depression causes fibro, fibro causes depression" kinda thing. To see which one came first.

Anyway, I have pretty sure it's fibro because of all my other symptoms that haven't changed, and in fact, are getting worse. So for the first time, I sat down with my family this weekend while they were all home, and told them about fibromyalgia and that I probably have it. My kids (19, 19, and 22) were very supportive and understanding and asked questions...but my partner of 10 years thinks it's "psychosomatic" and that if I didn't have so much going on right now, I would probably feel a lot better. He also believes that I feel good on the days that I want to feel good. He says he feels achy and tired too when he gets home from work , or when he first gets up in the morning, so what's so different about my pain.

I had things written down to help explain everything, like the ten most common symptoms, but it didn't really help with him. I said that some days I just can't even stand at the sink to wash dishes. He said "what is the big deal over standing at the sink for 10 minutes to wash dishes". Then he got mad cause I immediately got up and went to the kitchen to wash dishes. I really don't want this whole thing to be a battle between us, but I'm really frustrated.

He asked me what it is that he can do, and I didn't know how to answer. He is already good at helping with housework. He does more laundry than I do, and he never complains. I told him all I wanted was understanding and support, but he always thinks support means physical help, not emotional.

So what is it I really do want from him? How can he support me emotionally when I'm in pain? Hold my hand? I honestly don't know. What does everyone else want in terms of support from family? I've been very good at hiding the pain from everyone, maybe it's time that I don't try to hide it. But I don't want to be constantly complaining, either.

I don't want him to ignore the fact that I may have fibro, but I want him to believe that the pain is very real and very debilitating at times. I was so frustrated with the whole conversation, I didn't even discuss what may be in my future as far as working goes.

So much to think about, and so frustrating. So worried. So confused. So scared.

I know this is all muddled, but if anyone is still reading and can get what I'm trying to say, I'd love some feedback.

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I understand completely. I just joined the group today and am looking for answers as well. I got married 6 months ago and got FM 4 months ago. Debilitating pain. My new husband has to help me out of bed some mornings. I feel so guilty. He didn’t sign up for this and there was no way of knowing that this was coming. However, his emotional support has been great. I haven’t had to ask for it once thank God. He has spent more time than me researching FM looking for supplements or ways to reduce my suffering.

What I can tell you is that I have learned with men, the direct approach is best. They cannot read our minds and hinting is useless. If you want them to reschedule their day to take you to an appointment because you want them there for morale support or just to drive you because of the meds you are on - just ask them to reschedule their day. Then give up control. Let them do more for you. Like I just cannot bend over to get the dog’s water bowl anymore. So my husband does it now. Hope this helps. I look forward to more conversations in the future.

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hi jan.. short note here as well.. i do want to say that i am very glad your kids are supportive and asking you lots of questions. maybe you could share your concerns about your partner and perhaps they could help you to get your partners understanding as well. Sometimes i find writing a good way to go in explaining things to someone. This way they have time to absorb what you are saying at their own pace without you standing over them and expecting an immediate response. There is less pressure this way. I dont suffer with depression so i cant respond on that. i do have anxiety as i have been very ill for many years with severe case of cfids ( cfs/me) with a long list of things that jumped on board that train including fm. i hope something i have said helps you in some way and i add my concern for you and send you much love and HUGGGS

suzie

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I agree with kas. Just tell him what you need. I know in my case i finally had to tell my husband that i was closed for service..lol...i dont do hugs, sex or anything that causes me pain. I hug him he knows not to hug back. My pain is like firey knives when someone touches. My mom pats my hair softly and my dad was never a hugger. My grandchildren now thats the hard part my youngest grandson is 5 he attacks me from across the room i dont cry out anymore i just brace for it and grit my teeth. Once we get past that part he calms down and just sits still with me. My only daughter has RA so we complain to each other. I tease her that we can go to the nursing home and be roommates. I had her when i was 15 so we are more like sisters or its really like she is my mom...due to the mental confusion on bad days i panic and she takes over the mom roll and demands that i straighten up...lol...it works. My son is 14 this fall he has been so hurt i can not go to his games..he is all male...football, basketball, track...i went to his basketball game and before half time i was in pain, almost fainted from the pain so he told me not to come and told me he was sorry that hedidn't understand it was that bad. I want to go but i can't...so i understand and so will ever single person on this

site.

Welcome and remember your loved ones may not full understand but when they see you are hurting they will be supportive at least that is my experience. Hope this helps.

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Thank you all for the responses. You have all given me things to think about, and some good advice and input. And hugs to you all for everything you're going through! I am so glad I found this website, and found some wonderful people that I hope to get to know better.

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Would it make your son feel better if you were to watch it over Skype, for instance? Then he could pop over and say "hi" to your Skype face and you could cheer him on. Of course, you'd need Skype software first. I could ask my son if you're interested.

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Hi Janmac and welcome!

I no longer have a husband but it was hard going to convince my roommate/sister of my illness. I just had a bout of her non-believing when she got drunk in December and started telling me belligerently that i needed to get it together and find a cure and maybe i was just lazy, etc., etc. I stormed off into my bedroom since she was drunk and not able to listen well in that state. But I had the last laugh because after i left, she ended up outside, lying down like a Sphinx, trying to "talk" to our resident stray cat! And that's how my son found her! She didn't want to come back inside due to her "conversation" with Callie the cat. If that mental image helps you to feel any better, try to think about it when your spouse is being difficult about your illness.

I suggest that you try to bring your spouse in for one of your doctor visits and then tell the doctor you're trying to help your husband understand fibro, etc., etc. Also, you could print out some of our conversations and hand them to him to read. It wouldn't take him long to figure out that it's a very real illness that affects people terribly. In fact, I think it's time for me to re-run a topic that might prove helpful: what does your pain feel like? I'll start a new thread on it and hopefully people like your husband can read it and understand the illness a bit more.

Gentle hugs to you,

Petunia