Just going to lay it all out there..
This is truly frightening for me, I know it doesn't make sense but there it is. I feel like if I admit it that it makes it true and I'll never be pain free again. I guess I should mention that I'm a bit stubborn and not that bright when it comes to this kind of stuff. Especially when I know that I have not had a pain free day in over 20 years. Denial indeed.
Ok, here's my story, I'll try to keep it to the readers digest condensed version.
In 89 while in the Marine Corps I was a healthy active woman who for no reason started to get tired, feel pain for no reason and gained weight, they diagnosed me with thyroid disease, put me through nuclear med, gave me some pills and said I'll be fine. I worked my butt off to keep my weight within Marine Corps standards and managed to pull through it while they kept adjusting meds every month. (20+years later they still can't get it right *eyeroll*) In 92 I reluctantly left the Marine Corps after 4 yrs with my Honorable, I truly wanted to stay in but knew I couldn't keep starving and exercising like that for much longer.
In 92 and 93, between the VA Dr's and my private Dr's, they kept telling me I had some disease called chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia but were unable to officially diagnose me due to AMA standards. Some written rule that said if you had thyroid disease you can't have CFS or FM (or be treated for it) because there were no tangible tests for the latter(s). *serious eyeroll*
So I gave up. By 97 I was so fatigued and in pain (that I constantly tried to hide or push through) I could no longer do my job and left. I had gone from a size 8 (USMC) to a 14 by then. Depressed!!!! By the beginning of 01 I was up to a size 18 I was in constant pain and was so tired I thought I had lost my mind.
This time I seriously gave up. I stopped taking all meds. (I'm so smart) I ended up having over and under active thyroid at the same time! OY! I was in constant pain, my tissues and organs were slowing and felt like they were crystalizing, kinda like crunchy glass,lol.
Back on my meds I went after they convinced that you can indeed slowly die from simple thyroid disease.(Myxedema coma was the term he used)
The whole time they gave me various pills for pain, none of which worked and I hated all of them and ultimately refused to take them. They told me the pain was because I was so fat. They said I was tired because I was so fat. Every problem I had they said was because I was fat. I hate doctor's.
By 07 I had reached to a size 22/24, I'm 5'6 and weighed in at 250, I was tired,in pain,and depressed. They kept telling me if I lost the weight I would feel fine but no matter what I tried I couldn't lose the weight! A to Z diets, my exercise was limited due to size and energy levels (I had no energy!) After telling me I had sleep apnea and would require a cpap machine it was the last straw.
So I had gastric bypass surgery. After a hormonal roller coaster first year post surgery I went down to my lowest point at 123lbs.(I'm about 135 now)
Guess what? They lied! Shocker, right? I was still tired and in pain. My movement was definitely better however
Fast forward to '12, my new Dr (due to insurance changes) looked me in the eye and said "You have FM and possibly CFS, I'm sending you to my friend a Rheumatologist." oh, guess what? All these years later, the AMA in their infinite wisdom had rewritten their rules and decided not only can you have thyroid disease and FM at the same time but that they are possibly related!? I hate doctors.
Anyways, it's been a crazy year, the Rheumatologist Is very nice promises to help. He put me on Cymbalta. I did not do well. I lasted 3 1/2 weeks. I could not sleep at all, my noise and light sensitivity skyrocketed, I was constantly nauseous, extremely jittery and I swear it amplified the pain. I threw them out. (did I mention I wasn't that bright with this stuff?) Yeah, when the meds say don't just stop taking them, heed the message. That was 2 weeks ago.
So here I sit feeling tired, in pain, and now with my brain covered in moss(feels like) hoping for better things yet to come.
Here's the real kicker, I'm embarrassed. My mind and body have been disconnected for so long, in my mind I am still that young heathy woman full of energy and fun, my body tells a different story however.
I exercise lightly because if I overdo it I pay for it. I physically shut down and have flare ups of severe pain. Food is another matter, I am completely addicted to food. All those years I ate through every feeling I had until it was just a habit to eat whenever and whatever. Even though it can/will make me sick I still occasionally overeat or eat the wrong things, of course I pay for it but I still can't seem to completely control it. Sucks, huh? Yep, more embarrassement. Close friends and family of course know and I don't shy away from talking about GB surgery when asked, it just gets old when I hear some one talk about it's "the easy way out". There is nothing easy about it. Now to tell them about FM, how does one explain such a thing?
So that's the condensed version, as you can see the emphasis of all my symptoms have always been related to body size and Thyroid, because that's what they kept telling me. While Fibro was mentioned briefly 20 years ago, they pushed it aside. I feel let down by the medical community and have a high degree of mistrust for them. I'm dealing with it,lol.