I need and love all the hugs I get, even if they are cyber hugs. I feel like I am cared about and know that i care about all of you. Without you and this site I don't know what I would do. If I could I would try to start a fibro group here but I don't have the energy to do it and when I am in pain like this I find I am not as patient as I should be.
I have 3 older sons, ages 34, 28 and 22. None of them talk to me even though I have tried numerous times to invite them over for a meal when it would work for them and I always tell them I love them. Doesn't seem to make any difference. Their asshole dad filled their heads with a bunch of crap and they only want to hear and believe his side of what happened. Anyhow that is another long story. I also have a 13 year old daughter and a 8 year old son living with me. Their "dads" have nothing to do with them and I only started to get some child support in the last few months. He owes about $30,000 in arrears..i wish i could get that, I would try to make things a little better for us. I am on SSDI so I have a very limited income and we have to do without, and make do with what we have.
I twisted my knee this morning and it is killing me, even when I sit, so I don't think it is going to be a very good day, and not to mention it is so cold outside the snot freezes instantly in your nose (sorry for being gross, but there is no other way to say it).
I know I lay down and take a nap, sometime it's a couple of hours because i am so exhausted and drained. With trying to keep some normalcy at home, dealing with issues with the kids. My 8 year old son has NF1 (neurofibromytosis) which will have different symptoms at different times It is genetic and comes from his "so called dads" side.. He does NOT have the elephant man syndrome and we are so thankful for that. He also has ADHD which makes it difficult when that kicks in. I notice when i am hurting he is more restless and defiant, which drains me even more. (Calgon...take me away). My 13 year old daughter has some symptoms of depression and is on a low dose of prozac 10mg. And she already has had her period for a year now and her mood swing are wild. That in itself is stressful. My older sons aged 34, 28, 22 do not have anything to do with me, even though I have extended several invitations to them to come for a meal when it works for them. I tell them I love them and all I get in return is silence. And that speaks volumes.
I so would love to get away for about 3-4 days to rest, relax, recharge, knowing my kids are well taken care of and all i have to worry about is myself. I don't see that happening unless there really is a "calgon" to take me away. lol. My church family is awesome. I don't know of anyone who has it in my church, but I am sure there are a few. My church is like my refuge, i can go to and just sit.
When I am here I don't feel alone. I have tried to explain what this is like daily to my mom. My brother might understand but he doesn't like to get involved in that kind of stuff, even when it's family. When my older sister was here i think she truly did understand and didn't belittle me. I hope she will be back this summer, it felt good to have the feeling that someone does understand and cares.
I know the sunshine helps but we have wind chills here touching on -40 and real temp isn't going to get above zero. It is too cold for me to go out without hurting. I hurt inside without having that icy wind blowing on me.
I so totally understand, as I am sure almost everyone here does. Sometimes I feel guilty, knowing Almost every conversation I have with someone ends up with me saying at some point, ugh, i am so sore, or omg, im so sick of the pain, or some other comment. I wonder if people avoid me because I always end up talking about my pain. I know I get sick of me talking about it too. And now dealing with the carpal tunnel in both hands, im losing the ability to even open a stupid bag of chips without help, how sad is that? LOL i even need help with my comfort food. I just wanted to say I hear you and I understand,