Hi! I'm new. :) I'm having a hard time deciding what to say. So, I might just end up spewing for a bit. I hurt. I hurt now as I type. My hips hurt, my back, my right shoulder, my hands...my hands and right shoulder are swollen...my legs a little bit too...I want to so badly go back to bed. Yesterday was worse. I'm just really depressed about it today. I was diagnosed with Fibro in May of 2013 and arthritis in April of 2013. It seemed kind of sudden to have this. I have been in pain for years, and not being able to sleep well either. I still don't know for sure if I have fibro even though the doctor says I do. I have tons of symptoms of it, and things I didn't even think that went with fibro, and yet, i'm in denial. I go to my hearing in September for SSDI. I applied pretty quickly after having to stop working because of the pain and tiredness that kept sweeping over me. It seems stupid to me that I did that, but it was my only option. After talking to my doctor, he said that it may get better over time, but more than likely not. My mom has RA, which is what he tested me for. I tested a high positive for CCP, (I believe that's what it was) but did not have a positive RA test. So, for now, my rheumatologist has said it's just arthritis. I had an appt with him in April this year, and I was talking about my knees. He took x-rays and I have osteoarthritis in my knees. I feel like that at 35, I should be living my life, not hurting because the weather changed. I have two kids, my son is 8 and my daughter is 6. They still require a lot of activity and running around. My husband has been very caring, but it makes it hard sometimes because i feel like I am running him into the ground. He has heart issues as well, so it makes it rough. He lost his job at the end of November due to his health issues. That's not how the lawyer worded it, but his boss said as much. So, he's been out of work since then, and looking for a job here has been hard on him. But this is the best he has felt in 10 years. He had a massive heart attack 5 weeks after we were married. So life has been a little tough for 10 years, but we have gotten stronger with each other since he's been home. We have an excellent support group between his family and mine. They are the reason we still have a house and insurance. I have to start functioning like an adult soon, though. My kids go back to school in a few weeks, so that means getting up early again....and i don't want to. I'm feeling mopy....and in pain....and I want people who understand what is going on with me to be around me. And not tell me, "Oh, I understand, I have pain in my pinky every now and then when i'm out playing tennis." That's not the pain i'm talking about. I'm talking pain, that hurts you all day, and all night, and keeps you awake, and makes you tired at the same time. Then you have days where everything is so sunshiney and bright, and there's hardly any pain, and it makes life wonderful...until the next time there is super pain. I'm done ranting. Thank you if you made it all the way through.
~Melissa
TL:DR I am in lots of pain and swollen and feeling sorry for myself and depressed, and want sunshiney days, not these gloomy days so I will stop hurting so badly.