I am so hurt and appalled by what my daughter said to me. It is so twisted and the farthest from the truth!
I do not receive emotional or mental support at home. There is no concern about what I go through.
I don’t just have fibro. I have a very BAD lower back lots of issues that is very dibilitating all on it own.
I have been having a lot of trouble with Low blood pressure as well that is not in relation to medication. I recently visited a heart Dr. And will now be doing all the tests ect thT the Dr. Wants…
I felt it was safe the other day to tell my daughter about my appointment so she would know what’s going on. She seemed annoyed so I asked her I she was mad that something is going on with me.? She pulled what she said right out of the sky!
My daughter said "No! but I get irritated with you when you look things up online and think you have it!
I said what??!!! What are you talking about? !
Can you give me an example cuz I really don’t know what your talking about and she couldn’t answer me. I told her to please tell me! She said she wasn’t the only one who
thinks that. ( My daughter is 21 years old. )
ThI look the only things that I have looked up are things about my my cmy current condition. There are some things I don’t
ueducated and I’m just trying to educate myself.
I tried explaining that and she kept insisting that I was doing this! I seem to always be trying to prove something to someone here at my home. I have to fight for myself. This is such twisted thinking and I am so hurt about the accusation.
Now today she wanted to talk to me. I stopped her and told her that I no longer trust her emotionally or mentally. That I’m done and will never trust her again until I see something different from her.
She proceeded to tell me that I was a hypochondriac! That I was always looking up things and saying “oh! Maybe I have that”! I HAVE NEVER DONE THIS! so where is this coming from? She said that everyone thinks this!
I honestly can’t believe what I’m hearing! I have my husband and my daughter at home and I am constantly try to fight my way through life alone. I have 0 support. They both are twisted with what they want to believe and what is actuall true. And people can vouge for that. I am very level headed, the last thing I want is to have something else wrong with me.
I need advice on how to deal with this. I’m so hurt that I want to just be done with it! I want to give up. The only other thing I can do I just cut them emotionally and mentally out of my life
This kind of thing but different things have happened since I can remember… I’m tired
Thanks for listening and I’m open to suggestions.
Lisa
I am sorry you are going through these communication issues with your family. I can understand feeling hurt. It seems as if the Fibro along with your other medical issues has taken it’s toll on communications within your family. Fibro is a very misunderstood disorder. Unfortunately, from the outside looking in it can seem unbelievable, even to those closest to us, with the strange and sudden symptoms and lack of conclusive diagnostic testing available. I have posted the link to an excellent article below on communicating effectively with your family and friends regarding your illness. You can read this and you may also share this with your family.
I also think you may want to consider family counseling and seeking the guidance of a professional who understands chronic illness and it’s effect on the family. You and your family may be able to learn positive and effective ways of communicating with and understanding each other. Your doctor may be able to refer you to someone.
I hope you find clarity with your heart condition and are able to work things out with your family.
Hi Laurie ,
I just wrote you back and it all disappeared. Oh boy. : )
Thank you so much for responding. I will look into the counseling although I don’t think my family will go.
I have nothing to loose at this point just afraid of more rejection at this point .
I read the article you sent sometime last week and it was really good. I had printed it out but just got myself.
I tried this before with a couple different articles for my family but the husband doesn’t care and it just makes my daughter more mad. Nothing I can do.
Have a great weekend
Thanks again for your message
I am so sorry for you, that you feel you are dealing with this all on your own. It makes me sad to read about the attitude of your family. But as Laurie has said, it is very difficult for anyone who isn't a sufferer, to understand. I guess you can only keep trying to signpost them to articles that might help them understand. Can you ask them to come to appointments, I wonder?
I am lucky that my family are very supportive, they have read articles and are always there for me. I know they don't really get it tho, cos they say things like, oh yes I always feel tired in the afternoons. Also one of my daughters keeps trying to suggest things that I have very clearly told her that I know don't help!
I wonder what your relationship with your daughter was like before the Fibro? Also, I just wanted to say, I don't think it is unusual to look up symptoms on internet. Remember the results on there might not be reliable, and sometimes it is best just not to! You can scare yourself silly.
To conclude, this is a place you can always come to, vent, get rid of your anger...whatever, people on here understand. I wish you well
Please be strong through these hard times, it is hard without family support. I agree with everything Anne and Laurie have said… Counseling being one of the ideas I had. One of mine that I got from therapy was to write in a letter to each family member, or to them as family. Then you can have them read it aloud, or instead, read it to them. Tell them how you feel, try not to feel hurt, and give them the names of your illnesses. I am so shocked your daughter said that to you… Low blood pressure is no joke and can be life threatening so that blows me off my recliner. Another statement for them to think on is “I won’t be here forever,” and see if that changes their attitude. It almost sounds like they think you cried wolf too many times… And with all of our symptoms, who could blame you.
Another idea is to ask them to come to your doctor appointment. Or if you cannot get them to, and this is a little devious… Tell them you need surgery, and that you need them there… Then take them to a family therapist.
You are welcome, Loveandfaith. I once had a friend tell me if your loved one won’t go with you to counselling, you should still go yourself. It was some of the best advice I ever received. I learned so much about myself and my own behavior and it helped me tremendously. We can only change our response to another’s behavior and not their behavior.
Hugs,
Laurie
Loveandfaith said:
Hi Laurie , I just wrote you back and it all disappeared. Oh boy. : ) Thank you so much for responding. I will look into the counseling although I don't think my family will go. I have nothing to loose at this point just afraid of more rejection at this point . I read the article you sent sometime last week and it was really good. I had printed it out but just got myself. I tried this before with a couple different articles for my family but the husband doesn't care and it just makes my daughter more mad. Nothing I can do.
Have a great weekend
Thanks again for your message
Thank you all for reaching out. I don’t know where I would be without some support.
I always try tell myself that someone else has it harder than I do. I put everyone in my life first. It has always been more important to me.
I have sacrificed a lot and have helped others in for the most part, were very severe circumstances. I did everything in my power to make sure that they knew they were loved, cared about, important and that I believed in them. I have always been there as long as I can remember.
I’m just trying to understand and accept that I won’t have any support. I don’t want to believe it but my husband and daughter make it clear. They shock me often. I guess there are times where the strong have to get stronger and there are times where my strength isn’t going to be enough.
It’s embarrassing to come on here and tell anyone things that are so personal but it’s the only option I have.
I know sometimes it will help and sometimes it won’t.
Thanks again and I hope to make some friends.
Love , loveandfaith
I agree with the suggestion of therapy. From your post I can see some unhealthy behavioral patterns that need to be taken care of.
It took me having my ex husband threaten divorce to go to therapy. The ironic thing is, he threatened to divorce me unless WE went to marriage counseling. I spent the next 2.5 years going to therapy by myself and it caused me to leave him because it made me aware of so many unhealthy things!
I then went to college to become a therapist because I became so enamored with understanding healthy dynamics between people in all kinds of relationships (love, parent/child, friend, work, etc). Unfortunately, I'm too blunt and impatient to truly be good at therapy, so I have to find another outlet to tell others what to do hehe.
The first step is realizing you can only control and change you. Therapy will give you different tools to learn how to react to various situations in your life that you are dealing with in unhealthy ways. Cool part of that is, you change the way you allow people to treat you, which will indirectly change the relationships with the people around you. For better or worse.
I would never suggest using a guilt trip such as "I won't be here forever" as it is a form of manipulation and is an effort to control the way others feel. You cannot control the actions, thoughts, and feelings of others. Only those of yourself.
A word of advice about therapists. If you don't feel like you clique with your therapist after a few sessions, it's okay to find another one! Therapists are people too and will bring in their own personalities and ideas about the correct way to handle things. Don't feel stressed if it takes you a few tries to find one that is a good fit for you :)