I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Polyarthralgia in January 2015. My doctor and I have finally found a combination of medicines that help (a bit!). I am still having a lot of issues…pain and deep achiness in all muscles…every joint hurts…headaches…the meds are allowing me to sleep and have helped with the burning.
However…I am finding that ALL symptoms are now magnified even MORE!!! My Baby Sis was killed in a motorcycle vs. pick up collision…pick up failed to yield to oncoming motorcycle which was on a Highway! My Sis’s partner survived…very beat up though.
We currently live on the Oregon Coast which is absolutely horrible for me…as my condition, as I am sure many of you, is aggravated by the barometric pressure! YIKES!!!
So add the pressure system of the Coast with the sudden, tragic death of my Sister…and WHAM! Yes! I have felt like I was losing my mind! Fibro fog has been magnified what seems 1,000 fold!!!
Thankfully, I do have a friend in town that has Fibromyalgia! It has helped SO much to be able to speak with her!
I also am blessed with a supportive husband and son…along with family that help. However, it can be SO hard to describe how we are feeling! How we are fighting with our bodies! How we can have issues with our short-term memory!
I am finding that grief is magnifying my conditions so much that it is hard to work! It is hard, if at all, to attend Mass! It is difficult to drive a vehicle! (At least…to feel SAFE about driving! LOL) I mean…when you get to work and wonder how you got there?
I know that I am speaking to “the choir”…yet I feel impelled to reach out…to say how I am feeling…to see if others are also going through this grief sequence! New to this horrific journey!
Please don’t get me wrong…I have a very strong faith in God. I really truly believe that my Sister is now in Heaven…however…I am dealing with the REALITY of no longer being able to physically interact with my Sis.
I am SO thankful that my Sis and her boyfriend were able to come to where our son was participating in a Youth Day at a Gun Range in our hometown (which also allowed us a chance to visit my Mother-In-Law and Sister-In-Law!).
I am SO thankful for those smiles…the laughter we shared…for that huge hug and the I Love You we exchanged! That was the day before she died!
We were also the first (and only family of my Sis due to proximity) to be at the hospital that fateful Sunday, May 3, 2015. We got the call in the late afternoon…my Dad…he told me my Sis had been killed in an accident…then spoke to my husband as I collapsed and sobbed on the floor.
We then loaded up…my husband, son (age 11) and I and headed toward the hospital. I knew that I had to see my Sis. I also knew first and foremost that we had to see her boyfriend who had survived the crash!
Needless to say the next few days meant several trips (1 1/2 hours to and from) the hospital…the planning of arrangements…the design and set up of the handouts for the funeral and the Celebration of Life…yes…it fell to me. God granted me the strength to deal with all of this.
Once the funeral came…my body was beginning to magnify the allready existing conditions. The day of the Celebration of Life I had to use the wheelchair…it was SO hard to use my legs.
The exhaustion then took over…followed by the out of control symptoms. Thankfully I developed an infection in my eye and had to see my doctor. She then adjusted my medications to help.
I find myself more tired…it is SO hard to focus for any length of time! Yesterday we went to her house to look through everything…to get an opportunity be together as a complete family…to discuss what we want to do with her things.
I have not been able to attend Mass because I have been feeling so badly! It is hard enough to work my 5 hours a day (I am the sole breadwinner right now)…But…today…I had to go. I know that we had to light a couple of candles for my dear Sis.
Our son was blessed with the opportunity to be the sole Altar Server! I was so proud! It made tears well up in my eyes as I know that his Aunt was able to see him…I could feel her presence with us. I know that all will be “okay”…eventually…yet…
I am in the now! I am now living in the body that is COMPLETELY out of control! The body that hurts and aches more than words can describe…yet, I have to go to work tomorrow!
So I maximize my rest as best I can…I give myself permission to cry when I need!
I just hope that I can help someone else going through this…let us join forces! Let us unite our weaknesses to assist in giving strength!