Tired

Support
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I'm just venting today. I apologize ahead of time. I'm tired, I'm hurting and I know I have too much to do the next few days. It's really not much. I get pain all over when I am anticipating marking things off of the list. I guess it's fibro/anxiety. None of it is hard. Well, except for having two of our grandsons over for one night this weekend. I love them to pieces. Their mother, our daughter, has done it again. That poor little family is homeless again. Living in a motel while their mom figures out what services she can use to get their next apartment. At least they are all still going to school. Court has mandated out-patient treatment for our daughter and she is complying. That is a good thing. But, meanwhile my privileged other daughter is over thinking and over spending the birthday of our little grandson on that side of the family. We love him to pieces too. It's very difficult being grandparents of children in such opposite circumstances. All of this just makes me hurt so bad.

And a week ago I had little on my mind and things were peaceful and smooth.

L-Kitty

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L-kitty, it sounds like you have a lot to think about, and worry about. I’m so sorry your daughter is in such a difficult situation, I don’t think we can ever stop worrying about our children, hoping and praying for the best for them.
Take one day at a time, one thing at a time
I hope you get through this weekend with out to much pain, try and enjoy the kids… I know that’s hard when you don’t feel good.
Hugs & blessings
dee

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HI Kitty - Wow! you have a lot on your plate!! I have 2 children. Unfortunately, I haven't been getting along with my daughter since she was 15. She is 33 now and she STILL won't tell me why she has chosen to stay away from me. She has the cutest little boy, my grandson, Hunter, but I don't get to see him very much. My son, who I just adore is getting married to a beautiful and wonderful girl this September. I am so sorry your daughter is going through trying to have a place to live. I know it must be extremely stress for the both of you. You have every right to vent, Kitty! Sometimes I get on the ''pity pot'' and ask questions in my head, WHY do I have to go through all this What have I done to get the illnesses I have?? Eventually, I calm down and stop feeling sorry for myself. It's hard though when you are in pain and emotionally exhausted with what is going on around you! Hugs!! Laurie

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Thank you dee. You are right, one day at a time. It may turn in to more than we are ready for. they go to a homeless shelter tomorrow. I don't think I can bare to let them all go. We will do what we can to help for the weekend. Then I don't know???

Fortunately, a friend who understands my fibro and my daughters addictions is taking me to the beach on Monday. I can't wait.

I sure appreciate your understanding.

L

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Hi Laurie. You get what I mean then. About being at point "a" with one grown child and point "z" with another. I'm sorry about the relationship with your daughter. It is heart breaking. But I like what you say about eventually calming down and stop feeling sorry for yourself. I've got to say though, I did enjoy my time on the pity pot! LOL! It's weird how we go up and down in our emotions. Seems so drastic. Not like before.

Thank you Laurie. Hugs. L-Kitty

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Hi Dee - I feel so bad for L-kitty's daughter!! I can only imagine what L-kitty and her daughter most be going through. It is a sign of hard times for so many people. Sometimes at night, if I can't sleep, I look outside through my bedroom bay window and there is a beautiful park a ways down from me. In that park, clearly, I can see homeless people trying so hard to stay warm It just breaks my heart, you know?? There is a homeless woman that frequents the park and her name is Flo. She looks to be about 50 - and I could tell she was once a stunning looking woman. Well, she had the ususal story of falling on hard times,and whenever I hear some of the stories these poor people tell me, it just breaks my heart, Well, a couple of weeks ago. I brought myself a new blanket. It was really beautiful and I didn't really need it - but it was something I wanted. Now, Dee, you and I both know there is a difference between wanting and needing - right? Well, everytime I would see Flo at the park - her eyes would light up and she had the biggest toothless smile on her face, because she knows I am going to sit down with her and talk about things. Well, here I am, walking down the street with my new blanket and I see Flo at the park and

she saw me, but she had been crying. So I immediately went up to her and asked her what was wrong, and her little dog, Charlie, had a heart attack and passed away, He was 13 and the cutest thing you ever saw! He was a cocker spaniel. He had almost red hair with some gold blended in and the biggest eyes you ever saw. He would just melt my heart ever time I saw him. After talking to FLo, I told her stay where she was, and that I would be right back in a few minuets. I went into this cafe, where everyone knew and liked Flo. I ordered several thing to go and then returned to Flo and gave her the food and I also gave her the new blanket. I was so ashamed of buying it for myself, when there were so many people around me that desperately needed help and to be warm!! She still has the blanket and she takes it everywhere and tells everyone who got it for her. You would've thought I had bought her the famous Hope diamond that is on display at the Smithsonian Institute!! I know this doesn't really relate to Firbo, but it makes me very appreciative of all I have and it allows me to look at my illensses in a dfferent way and not to be so petty at times!! Hugs! Laurie.

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Hi Dee and Laurie. Laurie, what a touching story and wonderful person you are. You had me in tears. I hope and pray that Ashley won't end up like Flo one day. It is my huge in my life.

I had a chance to spend all day Thursday with Ashley. She knows her Dad and I can't help her financially. At her worst point(over a year ago) she stole from us to finance her addiction. I hear this happens quite a bit with families of addicts. Her Dad, brothers and sister have awhile and some healing and cannot even think of talking to her yet. But we finally have some closure from that as a result of the finalizing of our court results. Anyway, Ashley and I are working on reconciling our relationship. We started out by going to coffee at a mutual friends coffee shop. We were able to talk at a level that I didn't know we'd ever get to. We cried and cried. We laughed and cried some more. Then we went to her apartment and worked on getting as much into my suv as we could squeeze in. We continued to laugh together. She was gone to a back room for quite awhile. When she came back she handed me something small. It was a ring. A ring that meant nothing to anyone except for me. In 1945 when my parents were married they moved to Alaska. This was an "Alaska Territory" ring that was in my mom's things. She passed away 14 months ago, Dad a year prior. The ring is not precious metal, it has no value except for it's souvener value of being made before Alaska was a state. But, oddly enough it meant more to me than the other valuable things she had taken because it marked the beginning of Mom and Dad's life together and it was so unique. Anyway, Ashley still had it and I know it took so much courage for her to give it back to me. More that I will ever know probably. Well we sobbed, we held each other and sobbed. She apologized over and over again. It was so healing for both of us. Anyway, then finished loading and we left and went to lunch.

She had many calls to make to places to try to find a place to stay, shelters, etc. She only had paid enough for one more night at the motel. This was the end of the road. She made calls and I took her to the storage unit to add this load to what was already there. It was awful, my daughter and my 4 grandsons were really going to be homeless in one day. I had to drop her off at the motel with a bag of tacos from Taco Bell for her to feed the boys when they got "home" from school. I was beside myself when I left, praying and trusting God for the answer. It was all I could do.

Well, a couple of hours later she called me. It was unbelievable. She told me that she had called her cousins ex-wife, who she has kept contact with. This lady was on her way to get Ashley and the boys. She lives 150 miles away. Ashley told me that it was ok. I talked with my oldest grandson, Dominic, (the light in my life) and he said it was ok. He said "Grandma, as long as I'm with my brothers it's ok". It wasn't a shelter, nor is it a perfect solution, but it was a place to live. She has to finish out her court obligations of out-patient rehab and getting her GED. She knows that and is very compliant. She told me that this is truly a fresh start, a new life, for her and the kids. I hope so. I know how tricky addictions are and how they can creep back into your life. For now they are all safe, warm and fed. The boys will start school next week and Ashley will keep contact with her court appointed attorney to ensure she doesn't look like she's running from her obligations.

Keep her in your prayers, if you will.

Amazingly enough, what this does for my fibro is a good thing. Having them away means they are out of reach so I don't feel obligated to run here and there and try to be helping, etc. I can still help though. I'm getting ready to get the boys valentine in the mail today. This also means that Ashley will succeed on her own. It will be her growth and little victories along the way will help her become a stronger woman.

Thank you both for caring. It's been an incredible release telling you this story. Thanks for listening.

Like Dee said, "one day at a time." Blessings to you both.

L-Kitty

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there is always a chance she will pull through.

I will not share too much, but my life used to be "the worst" of bad situation. I had serious issues and it took a lot of hard work to dig my way out of it and create the happy and stable life I have now.

It is possible. If she wants it bad enough it can happen. Remind her that the sacrifice now is worth it. Your daughter leaving the area could be the best thing for her. If she has nothing but work and her boys then she wont have temptations to use.

I went from being garbage to being a woman that has it all together and I know first hand it is hard, but possible.

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HI Lyra - Don't ever call yourself 'garbage!' You are a person who made some mistakes and you rectified them. When I was in my late 20s, I had two girlfriends. We were all friends with each other. Both of them got hooked on speed and heroine. I was the 'enabler' who just wanted to help them out. I watched the both of them hit rock bottom at the same time. I asked them to come over to my house for a visit, but I didn't tell them WHY I wanted them to visit. When they arrived, I told them that i would pay for the re-hab, if they were willing to go. Otherwise, I couldn't be with them anymore - it was too hard to watch them falling. I had picked one of the best places in Manhattan Beach, California, where I lived. They both agreed to seek help, but not without me having a hell of a time convincing then they needed to 'clean up!' They were interviewed by the doctor that started the program. He made the decision whether they would be out-patient or in-patient. He felt that they would succeed as out-patients. It was a long year of therapy, meetings and so on. In the meantime, I was next door to them, having my own meetings with the people who were enablers of those patients next door. Also, what was interesting is my Fibro flared up during this time too. All three of us learned a lot in our 1 year of meetings and therapy. Well, this story has a fantastic ending. My 2 girlfriends today have been sober for about 30 years now. I am so happy that I was able to help them out. We all remain good, close friends. An old chapter closed and a new one opened.

Love, Laurie

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Lyra, I am just sitting here praising God that you are doing good! What a testament you are to me. What a gift to me. You are the opposite of garbage sweet thing. You are gold!

I have told my daughter that her sacrifice now will pay off. And that not getting help from us will benefit her in her life, not to mention those precious boys. We have been helping support them for 14 years and we were enabling her. I feel I am partially to blame for her ability to get the drugs. But, I have to let that go and let God do his thing here.

In my youth I did my share of experimenting. It was the 70's. Many of my friends didn't make it. Many have been through real difficult lives. I chose a clean life with my husband. We both cleaned up in the beginning. None of us are immune to the difficulties of the world.

My daughter experienced some bad things as a child. I believe these contributed to her extreme PTSD and meth gave her comfort...a way out.

I thank you all so much for understanding this topic without judgement. You have all become special to me, and I hope I can return the favor of support some time.

You are amazing. Jewels to me.

L-Kitty