The Holidays are a hard time of year for most of us, the stress of the season puts me into tears at least 3 times a week until halfway thru January. This year is turning out to be a bit more of a struggle than years passed. My Christmas partner, my Mom, passed away on St. Patrick's Day of breast cancer at the age of 57. She was MY rock. Her birthday is Christmas Eve, and as the day approaches, I can't help but feel something is missing.
It's been hard to go through the motions to make wonderful holiday memories this year.
When I didn't feel like shopping, she'd drag me out to the mall, where we'd grab an Orange Julius & fight the Black Friday mobs.
When I couldn't bear to roll out another pie crust, she'd smile and grab me a cup of tea and help me make three more.
When I was too depressed to attend another festive event. She'd bring me over the perfect pair of earrings I should borrow & tell me how beautiful I look.
My Mom was my rock, she was my hero and I miss her.
I only hope my poor Husband can step up. (So far he is doing great!)
Oh Colleen, this one brought some tears of my own. I still have my rock, she is 80 years old, she has been an everlasting gift to my life, and I love her so. She is in good health, though her back has been hurting her, and she is finally slowing down. I'll be glad to share her with you. She lives with us now, my husband adores her, and is very protective of her.
Thank you so much! I really am so blessed that I was able to spend the time with her that I could. We moved from PA to Wyoming to South Carolina, to be close to her (each place we were lucky enough to find a house on the same street, lol) and she lived for 5 years after her diagnosis, and was in quite good health until the last 8 months, so we made plenty of memories. She was an amazing woman. When she was diagnosed, I never saw her shed a tear, she was comforting us. Her faith was so strong.
I have lost my Dad, my Nan and my baby brother, so I know about missing them at the holidays, my Mom has been quiet, and I know that is on her mind too! Soon all of the kids will be here, standing in line for her fabulous gravy, no one can make gravy like Gram. She still wants to lead the way on the big dinners so, I back her up and get her what she needs. We'll do it this way until she is ready to change it. I set the table at least the day before, so I can be doing as much as possible. We will both hibernate after our big dinner, I'm sure! At least we'll want to, the kids will be off school and will want to be here with us!
Radical advice: Let Christmas be as awful as it wants to be. Having lost your mom means nothing will ever be the same again. My daughter died 8 years ago. She was a Christmas-all-year person so this had been a difficult time. However, once I unplugged the frenzied baking and shoppiing, it started to improve. We have a very small tree, one *I* can manage if I have to. I chose birds and a few small lights as decorations. IOW, go simple. My grandchildren get too much "stuff" as it is, so I wait till after Chrstmas...the TWELVE days of Christmas are real...
Not watching television with all its hyped-up unreality helps a lot. Use music instead.
Maybe you could write your mom a Christmas letter every year? Or study other countries' traditions and choose some that appeal to you? Ask your mom for advice. She's still with you...as my favorite philosopher said, "Love means that for me, you will never die". He lost his mother when he was six.
I apologize for the short cut. Most people know "LOL" I suppose, but there are many others.
"IIRC" is "if I remember correctly"...
IMHO is "in my humble opinion". Change the H to an A and you have "in my arrogant opinion" - meant to let the reader know that the messenger understands he may be stepping on toes.
FWIW = For what it's worth.
/sarc = end of my sarcastic comment. That one is helpful since it is hard to distinguish emotions in the written word. Emoticons aren't comprehensive enough. IMHO.
These started out on bulletin boards back in the Dark Ages of the intranet. They have since evolved with text messaging. Google is your friend: just search on text messaging shortcuts.
This may be MITIN - More Information Than I [You] Needed. Since my eyes don't work right with flares, I find the shortcuts helpful.
My 9 year old daughter. She is a daddy’s girl to the fullest. She is always good for a hug,kiss & a “I love you,daddy.” She walks dogs in our neighborhood to earn herself a little money & she always wants to buy me something.lol. She is so selfless,unselfish & kind. I really don’t know what I would do without her.
Ah, yes. 48. When I got my first migraine. I rmember that year. Chasing down run away foster children who'd decided to book to NYC from very rural VA. That was some caseload I had back when I lived in Real Life...as opposed to the present, "Call Me Unreliable..."
My favorite doc, who sees a lot of fibro, thinks it's a form of PTSD - a somatized form. I'm tempted to agree with him. There's a book "When the Body Says No" by a Canadian family practice doctor who is fascinated by the ways we adapt to impossible situations and the things our bodies will do to get our attention. Way back when, I helped him with major edits of that book. Couldn't do THAT now either, but little bits of it remain on my brain's hard drive. If only I'd known about FM then. He coud've done another chapter.
BTW, saying that it's possibly PSD-related in some cases does NOT mean the organic changes are imaginary and we somehow have to "get over it". They are quite real..
...in fact, in some ways we resemble stroke victims, as Dr. Starlanyl has noted...her manual lists every single symptom she's found in treating FM (including her own). Until I read her complaint of having the sensation of a burned tongue, as though she'd drunk something too hot, I hadn't even noticed my own tender tongue. Strange, the obvious things we can't sense until someone else points them out.
That manual by Dr. Starlanyl is a huge help. Accent on HUGE: my edition is almost 400 pages. My husband has to get it out for me.( Well at least the thesaurus is online now. Otherwise fibrofog would leave me with few words ). You can google Dr S' webpage. I think it's still operative: Devin Starlanyl
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oops! BTW = By the way. Sorry. Those habits are hard to break. ROTFL
Ummm...you *wouldn't* be able to"do without her". I know that one from sad experience. So just enjoy her while you can. Life is so short...I always found age 10 to be someone's "real" age so you have some good times to look forwad to..
"Show me the person you were /When you were ten years old"...
You are much bigger in her life, though, than she is in yours. You're building her foundation for later, when she'll need to stand on her own. Moms give a very necessary love, but it is Dad love that allows a child to stand tall. We desperately need more dads...
Ok, I knew BTW. I am not totally in the last century. LOL. Sounds like you and I were doing the same thing in our “old” lives, only I was chasing kids who decided to book it from Houston to NYC. And placing kids in NC and picking kidnapped children in SF. What a life that was! I miss it but there is no way I could do it now. I am going to look up Dr. Starlanyl. Thanks for the info. Have a great night.
I almost cancelled Christmas this year, honestly, I didn't feel like I could do it, but my kids 13 & 7 are such great blessings, it didn't seem right. I'm actually kind of glad I'm throwing myself into it, doing for others gives me such a peaceful, warm feeling.
I'm sorry for your loss, I cannot imagine what it is like to lose a child. After Friday's tragedy in Connecticut, looking at MY first grader, I can't help but think what would I ever do if something happened to her. Heartbreaking.
I like the letter idea. I talk to her all the time, lol, on my way to work, in the shower.... she's probably wishing I'd give her a break, haha. Thank you for your words of support!
Don't feel bad, I had to look it up. I am so out of the loop, my son picks on me about by turning EVERYTHING into acronyms, EVERYTHING and acting like everyone else "talks" like that. He thinks hes pretty slick.
That is so sweet. What a little angel you have. The father daughter bond is an amazing thing. I see it with my husband and his little girl. You are truly blessed!
Colleen, I’m so sorry you have lost you mom, it sounds like she was an amazing women ! How do we find the strength to get through the holiday when someone we love so much is gone?? I can’t imagine loosing my mother, I lost my dad and it is so hard. I thank God for my mother & cherish our time together
I think for me I would concentrate on the wonderful memories and possibly do something special in her memory on her birthday, like bake her favorite cake and share some memories with your kids.
I’m happy for you that your husband is there for you, that’s so wonderful
Celebrate her life, she’ s still with you in spirit and is so proud of the mother you have become !!
Hugs & blessings
Colleen, I am very glad to hear that you did NOT cancel Christmas! Your kids, all kids, so look forward to it! It's probably the most anticipated day of the year to them! Just imagine your Mom there with you, jumping in and helping you get through it! Make sure you wear a pair of the earrings she gave you that day!
