This doesn’t necessarily fit for grandmas, just remembered when you said “scary and exciting at the same time”:
Best memory of beginning to feel free after my most abusive relationship was during counselling to realize: Oh, if this is what you call being an $%&* - then that is exactly what I am and even want to be, gladly!
There’s a German saying for that, which I’ve found 3 phrases coined for. This one fits best for me: “Once your reputation’s gone, you can boldly carry on.” (Needless to say, my bad reputation only exists in the eyes of this one person…)
Come to think of it: Grandchildren are often loved by their grandparents even tho they have a “bad reputation”. The problem is of course getting out of the good reputation, stopping being a “good girl/boy”. And that’s usually more of a problem in our own heads than in theirs (not in abusive relationships of course). I bet your grandma will love you just the same when you’re thru, perhaps even more, because she understands you better and as a real individual person, for what you are and not so much as an extension of herself any more. Some people only start to understand when they get a No. The others will never understand. 
Your Grandma might want to understand and accept you and help you by listening more to who and where your are.
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