Bad day - new pains every day! Angry :(

General
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I am having a bad day, I had a nightmare (from the savella) and was up at 3:30 am. I have tried to sleep but my responsibilities stop that from happening.

I am sitting here sick to my stomach, again from savella, with a massive headache.

Then when I showered today shaving my legs hurt???!!! What is up with that, it is new.

I have a questions for you all, when meeting with my rheumy, she keeps on about this being brought on by trauma. When I try to tell her what happened a couple of years ago, she said I need to make some tough decisions and "You are not a victim". What does that even mean? I sure feel like a victim with this diesese.

My life is crazy, my boyfriend is a 100% disabled veteran, both mentally and physically. This puts the burden of everything on me. He does not understand this pain, even though he suffers with chronic pain and we have been to classes on chronic pain. He makes it a competition, if I hurt, he hurts worse. Part of that is the brain damage, but it is frustrating. No support at all.

My son thinks that I need to force myself to go to the gym and I will feel better, (used to work out all the time). I could not lift weights or use the machines right now with the severe joint pain, hell, all the pain. Again, no understanding at all.

I gave them both a printout of what fibro is but it did not good. Too many people call it a fake disese that I don't think they take it serious.

We have a largish house, and yes we have 5 dogs and 7 cats, 99% of their care is in my hands. We have 3 saint bernards, a bullmastiff and a boxer/pit mix. The the cats range from 1.5 years to 17 years old. Three of them are chronically sick with Inflamatory bowel diesese and the boxer has cancer.

I am angry that this has happened, I was one of those women who did everything by herself, I still do, but it is in agony. I will have when I do get a good day then I go crazy because I almost feel human again. Then I pay for it the next day.

Also, different subject, the pain meds issue. Last week I was crying with pain in my jaw, it felt like an abcessed tooth on both sides of my lower jaw. Immpossible as they are root canaled. I was desperate and took 1/4 of my s.o.'s percocet. Within 20 min, I was pain free and the pain in my joints went from 8 to a 4. So maybe it doesn;t cure pain, but it makes it bareable. But I can't take his meds, he needs them, and its not right.

I am just venting, so if anyone reads this, I am sorry, I know is sounds whiny and pathetic, but it is a bad day.

4 of my dogs, and me with my saint bernard Riley. (mamma's baby)

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Dear 5/7,

So sorry this has hit you so hard. Fibromyalgia, in my personal opinion, is the 'Overdoers disease', nearly every single one of us has worked ourselves, stressed ourselves in this direction. Yes, some are here by trauma, car accidents or some other sort of physical or emotional trauma can be behind it, but we all seem to be 'overdoers' just the same! Perhaps we could never have the proper time and atmosphere to heal from a trauma or illness properly that set this in motion. Though we may often be called 'lazy', we are far from it, even now, we still over work, over care-give, over stress, and over do, unless we have taught ourselves to change this about ourselves and our lives.

We are all very strong, capable people trying to adjust and overcome! I hope that I have not offended any of you, it is never my intention. I mean this in the most respectful way, and realize that I speak for the majority of us, at least for myself. I also think that most of us have had very little help or support from one direction or another, so we come here and hold each other up, listen to each other vent and we really do understand what the other person is feeling to some extent, and in most cases.

I'm not a Doctor, or medical professional, this is just my personal opinion. There are exceptions to every rule, of course!

My general practitioners are a husband and wife team, the wife has always told me to "listen to my body". Our bodies are telling us to slow down, to lighten the load, ease up on the work load, take time to relax, rest, recover.

I hope that you can begin to take better care of yourself. My heart goes out to you, I don't know how you keep up!

Please be good to yourself, my friend!

Wishing you well,

SK

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Hi 5DOGS7CATS HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TAKING SAVELLA ITS BEEN 12 DAYS FOR ME IM STILL USING THE TRITATION PACK 50MGS 2 TIMES A DAY YESTERDAY DURING CHURCH WAS HOT/SWEATY/DIZZY/NAUCEOUS THOUGHT I MIGHT HAVE TO GO OUT IN THE HALL AND LIE DOWN ON THE BENCH BUT DIDNT IM EATING SALTINE CRACKERS FOR THE NAUSEA LIKE PREGNANT WOMEN WITH MORNING SICKNESS

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I don't think you sound winey at all infact you sound like me on my bad days. I'm so sorry you are suffering so much today. I can relate to so many things you have said. I, just like you will go crazy doing everything that needs to be done on a good day. Mostly because I am not sure how long it will last. And like you I always pay the next day. This brings me to the medication portion of your discussion. You are not on any meds? I know many doctors these days don't want to perscribe pain meds. I could not live without my pain meds. I spent nearly a year in bed when I went off my medication because everyone had me convienced it was the medication that was making me feel so sick. ( I have had little support) I just couldn't stand living like that anymore, I have 6 grandchildren and spent most of my days crying because I couldn't play with them. Everything hurt. I went back to my doctor and she put me back on everything I was on before. The meds I take are Methadone, Norco, Valium, Gabapentin and Cymbalta. I love my Cymbalta! My days are much better and I am able to do so much more then before. Don't get me wrong I am not fixed by any means. I suffer everyday just not as bad. I have to adjust my meds every 6 months or so. I still have a couple days a week that I am down however that is so much better then the bed ridden me. The most important thing is that you don't worry about what other's think about your illness. You know what you feel. Get a good docotor that is willing to help you. We are all here for you. Stay strong.

Karlyn

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Hi 5/ 7, I have to totally agree with SK… 100% , you have a lot of responsibility … It’s to much ! I’m not sure how you can lighten your load, but accepting that we just can’t do it all anymore has really helped me. It took a few years, but I finally know that letting go of feeling guilty, because I can’t do what I use to has been a huge step in the right direction. And it’s not a perfect science, as I sit here I’m hurting so bad because I tryed to help with spring clean up over the weekend. My 75 year old uncle came to cut my grass, and take my patio furniture out, & weed wack… I couldn’t just sit and watch… So I swept the garage and helped pick up the grass, oh good lord… I feel like I ran a marathon & he did most of the work… It’s frustrating and hard to accept that at 48 years old I can’t cut my own grass… Oh I could, but I wouldn’t be able to walk for a few days…
I take Savella, I had to cut the 50 mg tabs in half to avoid the nausea… I still do it now, I take 25mg with breakfast, 25 mg with lunch and another 25mg with dinner, I can’t take the 4 th half because it will keep me awake… So I never take my last 25mg after 5 pm… Check with your dr & see if this would work for you.
Do you have a pain management dr ? You shouldn’t take your boyfriends meds, I know you know this…
I have a very low dose fentanyl patch 12 mcg it’s the lowest they make… I was scared to try it because so many have warned about having to increase the dose & over time you can become dependent… Well I have tryed it and it helps with the pain in the morning, and recently I have had to take 1/2 Lortab mid day… Which also helps, only prob when it wears off I hurt more and get a h/a… So I only take it if I have a few hrs I desperately want to be able to function better.
I will not increase the dose on the patch, and when it feels like its not helping I take it off for a few days and when I put it back on I get better relief.
I hope you can find a dr, that understands in order to function & have a break from the pain, you need a little help with a pain med.
I love your pics… If I could I would surround myself with animals to, it’s so comforting, so I do understand

Hugs & blessings
dee

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Thank you everybody for the kind thoughts and ideas. I do feel a lot of guilt because doing it all was my "thing". Friday night we took the two hyper saints to dog training class, Saturday, I helped install a fence to stop one of the dogs from going under the fence, it has wiped out my back and shoulders. Then Sammie, one of the dogs that went to training, was so excited to see me he jumped up and put his paws on my shoulders, I couldn't hold him so his paws scraped down my arm. I have to learn to take care of myself. I just don't want to admit there is something wrong. The rheumy said it would take 10 years to get any form of my life back, I just can't accept that. It is too sad.

I will figure this out, I had to be refered to the rheumy so I doubt I can go to a different one, all the ones around here you have to be refered. I will start looking for a fibro expert in this area, I am only 3 hours from cleveland clinic if it comes to that.

Truly, at this point I am dealing with the guilt of wanting pain relief. I took excedrin today for the headache, but I was told not to take that regularly as it causes rebound headaches. I am going to read through the natural remedies and see if there is anything there. I use lido patches that I got for a car wreck and a tens unit that I have had for years. I am truly wondering how long I have had this and it has just gone unnoticed.

Thank you all again,

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Hi 5/7,
Wow you are going through it right now and almost completely unsupported…
As I read about your situation and your family’s attitude to your pain, I could have cried for you, however I just felt mad…
Mad that we fibro sufferers are disbelieved, considered moaners or are just plan lazy!!!
You, me, and I’m sure everyone else on this site and every other fibro sufferer would give
anything to be well, healthy, free from pain, not be reliant on
meds forever, and have energy that lasts all day - you know the rest… But we don’t.
I personally can’t imagine why any of us would ‘pretend’ to suffer in the way we do.

I have 6 dogs - 3 are quite boisterous and I can end up looking battered and bruised from their overpowering affection. But I wouldn’t change them for the world.

Keep strong, we are your support network here, and WE believe your pain.

Gentle hugs
Bev