I'm sorry to be a bummer, but I really feel like what's the point anymore. I am SOOOOO SICK of constantly being in pain, of constantly being exhausted, of constantly having nothing. I simply do not have it in me to keep struggling. It looks like this is my life from here on out.
I have lost everything to FM. Now, when I can barely afford to live, my HOA is contantly on me for something, and I physically can not do a lot, which I have told them. Well now they are hitting me with fees $300 bc I was late when I switched banks a year ago & it went from one auto pmt system to another. I've called a few times they never call back, just keep raising it & want to put a lien on it. I got a hidden camera ticket for going 7 miles over the speed limit which I could not pay (they don't allow you to go before a judge or anything), almost $300. when I couldn't pay, they just revoked my driver's license, so how am I going to get to the doctor, etc. My doctor, after months of trying to convince this dipwad I'm not making all my symptoms up (1st visit: "Is there anything NOT wrong with you??"), refers me out for degenerated cervical discs...is what he said to me, that I need surgery. So he sends me to someone who is a pain doc, not a doc that deals with degenerating spines, and he refers me for LOW back pain only. I tell you this doc is so hard to deal with. I called my ins. to switch I can't until October. I am on several meds so I can't just not have a doc.
I am barely here. I feel like I am no longer, and never again will be, a productive member of society. I can't even handle my daily life, as you can see.
Does anyone else feel like this? And what do you do about it? I have no help, no family and no friends (I did have friends but I lost my house and had to move to a much cheaper state and I have been here 3 years and have not one friend).
To clarify, the HOA almost $300 started with a $35 late fee a year ago. If I don't have $35, what makes them think I have $300? I think they want to make me move, I don't know.
And, FYI, I do have a therapist who does understand the FM issues, and meds on board. But still. All of that can't change what life is like now.
Hi Liz, I want to give you a big hug and hold on for a long time. Yes, almost all of us have been there at one time or another. I lost my mother in 2009.In 2010 my boss of 26 years died. I developed Morton's Neurons in 2011. First in my right toes then in my left. I could not walk for a year.It was so very painful I wanted to die. I was not working so we cut back on all the non essentials. We sold our extra tv's and our second car. We had lights out once a week to bring the electricity bill down. We did everything we could to bring the bills down. I became so depressed I once thought of shooting my foot off so I could claim disability. I finally told my Dr and that's when he put me on Cymbalta.Try to find a good neurologist. Someone who knows about the pain you are in physically and emotionally. Liz you are not alone. We are all here for you and we know exactly how you feel. If you just need to vent or SCREAM we hear you.
Hi Liz. I am so sorry. Yes, I feel like that. I, too, have lost a lot due to Fibro. I feel like a huge loser most of the time. I also moved two years ago and have not been able to make friends. I do have a great husband and father near me. I am very lucky for that. I have bad times where I am really down and cannot find a reason why I should even exist. You are not alone.
I think two things have really helped me have more better days than bad. One, is truly accepting this crazy thing we have. I first thought this could not be true, the doctors must be wrong. Then the pity. Why me? Now I just accept it. It’s not easy accept everyday. We are going to have our days for sure. Just let yourself have those bad days now and then. The second thing that has helped me is this board. Just knowing someone can relate is so helpful. Hearing others stories, good and bad. It’s a wonderful place to gain friendship, get information and vent.
Life is tough, for sure, but so are you. You will get through this.
hi liz.. it is a very rough journey through illness for sure. i have gone from ten years being bedridden and everything physicaly and neurologically wrong with me to being able to type, hold a remote control . use computer, watch tv, talk , walk and cook and clean some and take some walks. I am fairly home bound but nothing like the first ten years. i have had a severe case of CFS and all the rest on the list jumped on board. But i didnt get worse. in fact i got better but the journey has been long and slow. I am grateful for what i am able to do now. Keep in touch here where people do care and can give you helpful advice, suggestions, concern, love and friendship.... thats all for now from me.. all the best to you and BIG HUGGGGGGGSSSSSSS
Hi Jackie, yes, I got it now...(the middle of the night right now). Thank you for thinking about me! I haven't been on, sorry. But let me tell you, it was really nice to see the replies and ...well you guys know...I mean I wouldn't wish this on any of you, I am glad you're here and relieved to feel not so alone. I wish I could give all of you a big hug right back!
My father disowned me bc he doesn't believe FM/CFS is real. He thinks I have weak morals and character. That's what really gets me....so many people, even ones who seemingly are accepting--they don't really believe that you can't do this or that deep down. I think FM & CFS still have a serious stigma, bc we LOOK okay on the outside. You can't SEE how someone else FEELS. HOW MANY TIMES have I heard "Why don't you just start working out, get a job, read this, take that, etc etc". Who would choose this?!?
I would really like to get my situation straightened out, and my pain under control, but I just can't fight all the time about everything. I don't feel like I have it in me. Plus, I don't know what else to do. I think I will try the monumental feeling task of trying to switch insurance and seeing a whole slew of new doctors. It sounds overwhelming right now, but like you said, one foot in front of the other (then rest and rest and rest...LOL)
Liz sending you hugs. Things are tough right now, no doubt, but keep hanging in there. We might not live in your same state but we are here for you. You are definitely not alone. Hugs x1000000000000000.
Thank you Lovett, yes...a small break, which I jumped on. I actually got dressed and was a able to take the dogs to the dog park tonight for the first time I have walked them or anything in months (GUILT!!!) It was 100 deg. in my garage when I went out at 9pm, but I did it, and took a shower when I got home, where I nearly passed out. A very weird/unpleasant sensation, like pain and breathlessness together from the middle of me somewhere...really weird...and I got really weak in the arms & legs. I guess that was a huge effort for me.
I was on the phone for hours with my insurance today so deflating.. My "case manager" has no idea about anything & is no help at all and I think she was getting short with me. You know, the usual, no one gets it if you have FM...Jeez, I wouldn't have had my jobs long if I was that clueless!.