Does FM put a strain on your relationships?

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1

Unless you have FMS, you just can't understand, I guess. But they can be so judgmental. I just want to know if other people have had problems in relationships due to FM?

My own son, who I raised as a single mother thought I was making it up. He has since come to lighten up a bit. And as he's gotten older and gotten out his own life more, he seems to have become a bit more understanding. Or accepting at least.

Of course, he was influenced by my father who criticized every single thing, ESPECIALLY my weight, which I gained largely as a result of being homebound and bedridden a lot, and kicked off by meds. I've gained 80 lbs thanks to various meds, and another 40 just from lethargy and age (I hit 40 and FMS at the same time!). Exercise HURTS! I know it's worse when you're heavier. DUH! But what can I do? I can pay for days for one big or vigorous outing.

My father doesn't believe in FM. He thought all of everything was in my head. And or was a spiritual malady. He would make nasty comments about my weight and say "Well I just want you to be healthy". Yeah right. It had nothing to do with him being embarrassed to introduce me to family as his long lost "hefty" daughter (he is my bio father, I was not raised with him) (THANK GOD). When I made mistakes with money (OK some were big), he called me a drug addict and he couldn't believe I was that stupid. He ended up disowning me over all of these issues which are FM. Like I LIKE this??

I also had a huge falling out with a friend, over other things, but a contributing factor was, she was a work out fanatic and couldn't understand why I "wouldn't" do anything to make myself healthier (and lose weight!).

Thanks,

Liz

2

Hi Liz

I am sorry you are going thru this. Hopefully things will change with more education for the public. You dont need negative things in your life they make things worst. Weight gain is a big problem with us and it can be a vicious circle of finding the right things for us. I will be thinking of you

3

Hey Liz,

I am so sorry to hear about all that you have been going through. Fibromyalgia is a constant daily battle, and unless you suffer from this particular disease, it seems to be thought of as just a fictitious excuse. I really understand where you're coming from about the weight aspect in particular, I used to be very slim and muscular. But when my fibro peaked at its worst (pain, fatigue, anxiety, everything), I packed on the pounds and fell right off of the exercise band wagon. Am I at my ideal weight right now? No, but you know what you can only take one day at a time and do what you know is best for your body. Everyone around us may not understand, point fingers and try to tell us how we should cope with this - but in my mind they have no place to, whether they're intent is good or bad. I hope you start feeling better soon, and please feel free to vent to those who truly are in your shoes and understand.

blessings and prayers

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Thanks you guys! It's nice to know I'm not alone. I'm sure my father is an extreme example, too. I thought for sure when the AMA officially recognized it, and it became "valid" that would change things...but no....he probably thinks all of lazy people "got to them"....HA! Anyway, he's 88 now, so I doubt he will change. One of my aunts on his side has it too, and he doesn't believe her either. Can't wait till it strikes one of his "good" kids...mwahaha... that's evil, I know.

So anyway, I really didn't mean for this to be a vent (but I guess I did!). I do want to know what others have experienced in this way, if anything. Our daily battles just to get through another day are so hard, I just can't imagine anyone wanting to add to that.

5

I think Awareness and getting the word out it's real, is so important. If people knew how it feels and the host of other nasty things that come with it, I'm sure there would be more compassion.

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Hi,

I am behind the awareness approach. I think fibromyalgia awareness day is on mother's day this year. My older brother thinks the FM is all in my mind or some devious attempt to collect from the government. He thinks I am on welfare. Over the years he has made unkind jokes about welfare recipients and my nieces were exposed to this as they were growing up.Their opinions have become even clearer now that they post on face book. My oldest niece accused me of fabricating so I could collect. Today I had it and found about 8 images (jokes, descriptions, statistics) on fibromyalgia and posted them. My niece's post was about testing for drugs for welfare recipients and I commented on a FM joke after 6 drugs I was able to find 'some relief but not complete relief '. If she says I am being too sensitive my response will be you are being too insensitive. For everyone else out there I have informed them what the pain feels like. Maybe other family members might see she is being a little insensitive.

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Oh my, I have a father that is the same way. I feel that my son has taken on my fathers influence because he sounds just like my father at times. My dad is very critical about the way you look and talk, he is prejudice with women. Without you hearing me pick my father apart about his negative attitude that seems to prevail in my life, yes I still think negatively. My father says he is spiritual but cannot support his mouth with evidence that his spirit is there. He puts me down for being a Christian and always hoped I'd never become one. Well too bad. He did not ever believe me when I was young and tried to tell him what was going on. Instead he made me feel embarrassed all the freaking time. I am limited and my father would never believe he has a daughter with a disability. He has always made me feel embarrassed about that. Always pushing me into careers that I am not cut out for and making my idea of going to college or a school for secretarial was just a silly, sit around and look pretty kind of thing. And in his opinion those kinds of girls are only after money and material possessions.

Okay enough now, I understand and pray that my words will eventually start coming out of my sons mouth. I know he feels the same way I did, being under my fathers influence. Oh and he wants to say that tossing me out on my own was good for me, then why the heck does he hang out in my life every other freaking day and make fun of everything I do. He does absolutely nothing to help me. I have neglected myself for too long. Doctors even over looked my fibro. But 20 years ago I don't think there was a major heath concern with fibro sufferers. So another long story straight. I push myself to the breaking point. I have tried so hard to keep up. I turned my pain into fuel and that pushed me farther into my psychological state of mind, I have two people inside of me, one that is living in pain and cannot speak loud enough for the help I so desperately have been hoping for and the person who you are actually looking at that doesn't know the other person.

I feel totally inside out. I'm not working and my son is not ready to understand yet, and well I'm finally getting medical insurance again and have a psychologist to talk to starting Monday. Can't freaking wait. Oh about two and a half years ago, I could not take another word out of my fathers mouth. Not another one, and I finally threw him out. No calls, no stop overs, and no family outings or invites. It is all gone. I'm am so thankful. I go to church and have been doing all I can to really get to know what is written in the bible and I go to bible study. I love feeling so much closer to Jesus. And learning that I can branch out and feel as though there are other possibilities out there for me. Jesus is about love, not about what you cannot do.

I struggle some days trying to pull myself out of the mud pit that I have been left in. I'm single and yes MY FM has and does INTERFER with all of MY RELATIONSHIPS !!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm 47, lost my job last November because of FM and still cannot find another job I can do.

But I will not let the Sun Go Down On Me !!!!!!!

Audrey

I'm sure I have not helped but I can't believe some one else has the same kind of father that I do. I understand fully.

One more thing I noticed about living in the now, I find that if I don't come up and over the pain level I carry with me all day, then I have a harder time expressing myself. And I think that makes others think they can't trust me or that I'm not telling the truth. That bothers me, because you can't go around telling everyone what all your troubles are. That is hard for me not to do.

Wow I said a lot.... Me and my mouth. :-)(

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When my son was in high school he sprained his back playing dodgeball. He could NOT bend over so I had to help him get dressed & he kept asking over & over (during the 7 days of recooperating) How in the BLEEP do you function w/all of this PAIN? My reply Very Carefully. My daughter understands from having a friend who has Fibro. My Dad can tell by the pitch of my voice when I am in pain, & my niece had me stay w/her while I had my last Flare up.

This past winter I actually have gained enough weight that I have to buy 'new' pants & shorts. Gaining weight is ALL new to me, so, one day at a time! M

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I am with you on the what to say and not to say. And it is frustrating to get the conversation going on the right note. Especially when you are in the beginning stages of a relationship. I was just diagnosed recently for FM and even though I have told a select amount of people I see and talk to the most doesn't change what they think and feel about me. I really don't want to be a mind reader. I don't really care what they say, I just know they have not the pain I do so how can they understand. Forgive them father for they not know what they say or do themselves. Ignorance comes back to you.

Thank you Liz for bringing this topic up. I have been fogging out again, going to my first psychologist on Monday and you have helped me put a few thoughts on the paper I'm taking so I can try and keep my conversation a little more organized. I really am hurting about my bio father. He is in such a loss.

Big Hugs for You !!!!

Audrey

10

FM strains me in my relationships !!!!!

Dating at my age is not that easy. It is bad enough that I already have a mind set for some one that I feel comfortable around. I don't believe I am to date all men that come before. I think that there are men out there who you are just going to be a sister to, or something like a brother if your a woman looking for a man, such as I, looking for a man. There are men who you date until you find out things aren't the way should be. I think I've made some kind of sense.

But what I 'm trying to say is that I must be going real slow in my search because I will not let myself get to into any one man until after I know him for a long time. This way I can see who I'm dating, to make sure he's not violent or have anger issues and a bunch of other personality flaws. I'm negative already and don't want a double negative, because we will just cancel each other out. Did I make any sense? LOL

Now with this fibro, pray to God I finally figured out what is wrong with me, it makes all the rules that I thought apply to dating more complicated. Recently there are two guys I've been talking to, one lives close to me and the lives on the other side of the continent, we talk by email. I don't want to date the guy who lives close to me and haven't told him of my fibro. But I've told the other guy who lives mega miles from me.

But either way I look at it. Neither of them have fibro and it is apparent to me that I must extend my friendship time with these guys because I need an extra special man. Some one who can look around those pieces of me that are negative, and have patients and still include me in his thoughts and time. Fibro has made me lift up my standards and most men are just not up for people with baggage.

Well I don't know what to make out of my life right now. Is there anyone else who has the same issue? or something that relates?