I almost hesitate to write this, already did in my journal but I know it is unhealthy to keep stuff in and no longer feel like I have anyone in my support circle to share this with. After my sis-in-law decided to leave my life, I am afraid to talk too much about negative things less it happens again.
Anyhow, I know this is because I am tired and waking every 2-3 hours lately and then have to go to work. This is so negative and I know I'll feel better tomorrow. Still it is my birthday tomorrow and I have always gotten depressed before my birthday. It just seems like here we are another year gone by and not where I want to be. I am grateful for what I have and know things are slowly getting better but still daily have to fight depression and anxiety wanting to take over my head.
I understand and commiserate with everyone else going through these emotional highs and lows. I also got off hormone replacement about 2 1/2 months ago and some of it is probably that. I guess I will spare the specifics cause it sounds like complaining and I am trying hard to be positive and raise my energy.
Thank you K, it helps so much to know there are people who get it. I have a lot more now then last year and am just in a low mood, daily lack of sleep and other physical stuff makes it harder as you all know.
You are on the right path, wanting to try to harvest positives is a perfect way to begin a new year. Yes, life can really consume us in some of the worst of ways and I totally know how you feel about your birthday and another year come and gone, trust me, I feel the same about mine, but you have taken a very strong and positive step. You recognized your need, shelved your loss and tiptoed past your fear of more rejection... You reached out! Bravo!!!! You are on your way to a new year on the right path...no, it may not take away all of your pains, fears, and sorrows, but every positive step cancels out a negative.
Thanks mmom1! I am so out of my comfort zone with the things I am doing at work and in a relationship (taking a lot of risks) but am trying really hard and have made so many many changes this year that sometimes I don't recognize myself. I am just trying to keep faith in G-d and His will and timing. I do have people in my life who care about me and my kitty and a job and car and apartment so despite massive debt and unrequited love and all this very uncomfortable physical stuff , I am grateful and determined not to give into my ego's negative garbage.
Hi Susan
I agree with eeyore’s comments, so if your sad, depressed or just need to moan, we are all here for you!!! We will not judge you, we all understand.
It’s so easy to feel guilty when you recognise that in many ways you have a 'blessed life’
compared to some others - however as my therapist kept reminding me - 'but they don’t suffer with a chronic condition, and know what it is to wake up every day knowing there will be pain and fatigue to deal with.
So please know that expressing your frustrations to people who ‘get it’ will only help, I believe that to bottle it up is only more damaging…
Be kind to yourself
Bev
It is incredibly hard to be positive with fibro. That is an understatement, isn't it? hahahaah For the longest time (I've had it for the last 3 years and my life has been a crazy whilwhind of pain, not sleeping, emotional highs and lows, extreme frustration). I find (and have been really working on this) that because we live so much negativity we have to make the choice to be positive, to see the good, and try beyond everything to live in a somewhat happy state. It sounds like you have come to this realization too and are taking measures to do just that. Good for you!!! Your life will be better for it.
I really do hope you will try to enjoy your birthday today. I understand totally when you say that you always got depressed around your birthday. I have always been like that too. I don't fully understand why, but for some reason my birthday always seemed to signify something sad. It wasn't until this year that I had the realization that I needed to change my mind about my birthday. Afterall....it is a blessing to be able to celebrate it when so many others would only wish to count another year of life. Life is worth celebrating. You are worth celebrating. Please try to enjoy your birthday.....do it just for you.
Take care Susan. You can always talk to us here. I am glad to hear what you are feeling because it helps me with what I'm feeling. I always feel so crazy with this. And I always feel so alone because I simply don't personally know anyone else with fibro and no one (except someone with fibro) can ever truly understand. I've driven my husband crazy with all my utterings about my pain and confusion, etc. And, others (who aren't going through it) simply just don't want to hear it. But, I want to hear it. I want to hear you and everyone else here who struggles like me. Together we aren't alone anymore.
PEOPLE WHO ARNT FIBROMITES DONT UNDERSTAND COME HERE AND WELL BE HERE FOR YOU NO. MATTER WHAT LIKE JOYCE MEYERS SAYS GOD HAS A PARTY WHETHER YOU ATTEND OR NOT
You know sometime you just have to thow positive thinking out the window along with all the bad thoughts and pain. You are right to talk about it. Don't hold things in especially when you have a forum like this one where you can talk about every inch of pain your body is going thru and all the emotions you are experiencing, No matter what the cause. I know I was driving my family and friends crazy with my second by second complaints. It has helped my home life to have this group who understands to share with. I hope you feel better soon and happy early birtheday.
It has been a weird day with many things not going right but a friend is taking me out to dinner soon and hopefully it will be OK. We used to be involved but it didn't work out and I don't really enjoy his company but said I'd go. He can be OK when he isn't being negative. I was feeling uncared about but my 2 sisters (younger, the older I didn't really expect to hear from, we are on the outs) both contacted me and several old friends on Facebook plus a message from the man I'm involved with too. He didn't seem to remember it was my birthday despite my mentioning it about 4 times! Men! I only see him once a week cause he is 1 1/2 hours away but I will spend Sun. with him and we'll make it up then.
Thanks so much for your kind words. I try so hard to stay positive and am much better at getting it back then I used to be and quicker but sometimes (especially at night) it is hard. And I get tired of pretending it isn't happening which of course is not healthy.
Oh girlfriend, just going off the hormones, will put you on the roller coaster ride of your life! WheW! Been there, done that, a long time ago. The other women I worked closely with finally after about 2 weeks asked what was wrong with me. I had done this on my own, without talking to my Doctor, and was more of a mess than I thought. I went back on them after that, went and poured my heart out to my Doctor, and felt better right way, after putting the patch back on.
I still take them, will be 58 this summer, hopefully they have helped me maintain bone strength, the density test will tell the story! Keep your fingers crossed for me, can't have spinal surgery if my bones won't hold the rods and screws!
Waking every 2-3 hours, I know all about this, it's from back pain and stiffness with me, I usually have enough in me to knock me out these days, but still go for a day or two without any sleep. That is really hard on me. This is something of special interest to my Rheumatologist, he keeps trying different things to help me get to sleep and stay asleep!
I have been back to the Chiropractor, and that has been nothing but good for me! The relief of easing the pressure and tightness is just beyond words. He keeps me on my feet so far!
I hope that you can find a way, or a med, to get you through this rough spot. Depression and anxiety are so debilitating.
I understand your position, am here for you always,
As I said above, I am usually pretty good at being positive but after feeling so much better when I initially stopped the hormone replacement and started the Kefir and coconut oil and at first the apple cider vinegar which I stopped
( the last one, made me feel bad), lately I've been warm a lot, daily sinus issues, much less sleep and it was bad in the first place and feeling much more weepy and anxious. It is frustrating because I am doing all the things I have ever been told to get better and I was feeling so much better too! I am taking on extra responsibilities at work to start the new phase into the next phase of this job and that is kind of hard when I am tired and don't feel good, then get less confident. BUT I keep giving myself pep talks and praying.
I understand what you are going through (it's been maybe 6 years or more since I was diagnosed and I know I had it before that).
You are so sweet as has everyone been. I never was on a support site before but I know that the guy I am involved with who has Sarcoidosis ( an autoimmune disorder) has gotten a lot of support and help from the online support group he is in which is partly what convinced me to try it).
Thanks Suyzq! Funny, I have a friend who calls me that! LOL! She is the only one who is allowed to cause we've been friends forever! I feel much better now with all this support and since my family and friends have also contacted me!
The guy I am involved with gets stressed and down with his health issues and constant fatigue and trouble sleeping so it limits what he can do. I spend a lot of time trying to cheer him up and help him change his thinking which helps me too!
I wish I could give you a real hug! You have been so incredibly supportive and I am praying for you! No more meds for me, too many side effects. That is why I am doing all the other stuff which does work but not as fast as I'd like. I read that gut trouble can cause a lot of dis-eases including Fibro and that Fibro can actually be caused by yeast problems, which is why I am doing the Kefir and coconut oil. Also hormone replacement can cause overgrowth of yeast. I had heard that Premarin is from pregnant mares' urine but didn't know they hurt the horses when they get it. I was on cream plus a pill of Femhrt. I adore and have always adored horses and the man I'm involved with owns some. Once I read about what they do, I said that was it! He doesn't know I was on it, only that I was on hormones that I got off of.
I have tried for years to pretend I don't have Fibro (it's a dad thing, he never allowed illness) and when I am doing better I can forget it but it isn't gone and I have to remember to honor my body and pace myself and say "NO" to people which has never been easy for me. I told my boss that as we start this new phase of the job and change over, NO evenings or weekends, I simply can't do it anymore. The old me would have suffered through, the new me is trying hard to stop being a victim whenever I realize I am doing it again. So they will have to work with me. Luckily, she was accepting of this diagnosis ( although she is a workaholic) and has said if I need to leave early or take off, tell her. Her husband has cancer so maybe that is helping her be more understanding.
Have to run (well not literally LOL!)
Thanks again and many HUGS and Blessings to you always!
allergic and fly girl are so very knowledgeable about the gut and yeast problems, if you need help. I have taken probiotics and digestive enzymes for years, so my digestion is usually pretty good, as long as I take them, and with taking Morphine I use oat bran sometimes too.
I wish you the very best with your new treatment plan, I hope that it really gives you relief! I'm in the 'what ever works' club, and try to never be against any type of treatment. Perhaps if I would have been in the care of a master herbalist or nautralist, I would have fared better. I had tried things through the DC like Myocalm for muscle tightness and spasms, but until I treated the arthritis, nothing seemed to help, it was the length of time it took to diagnose the arthritis while it was eating away at me, which did the most harm.