This whole asking for support thing is difficult for me but I am practicing new behaviors and since I just joined this group and am trying not to worry about what anyone thinks (another new behavior), it is a little harder too. I don't like to complain and am much more comfortable giving support and cheering others up then asking for it. That said (my disclaimer LOL!) Here goes:
Don't know if I mentioned this, doubtful but my biggest support up and cut me out of her life without an explanation after 24 years of being my best friend and sister (sister in law although I am divorced we were closer then blood sisters) with never a cross word in all that time. I have always been there for her through all her drama (cancer twice, marriage problems, mother's death, father's illnesses, Bi-Polar Disorder and so much more) and she always swore that crying on her shoulder was OK plus I always supported her and she acknowledged that and always said how much she loved me and I was the sister she never had. Had to hear from someone else that she thought there had been too much "negative drama" in our last phone calls (none directed at her, just too much awfulness in my life last year) and it was "negatively effecting her mentally". She never told me and refuses to talk to me. I'll spare you all further details but suffice it to say I am still grieving although I have repeatedly forgiven, prayed, and released. It hurts!!
I had a really rough day at work due to Massive drama by a co-worker who likes to brown nose and make me look bad. I am working on assertiveness which my bosses know and think I handled it well but it isn't over (and it was about a Very trivial thing that she chose to magnify) because when one of the bosses comes back we will have to discuss it. I try to avoid conflict and that doesn't work too well and doesn't solve anything. I have worked and keep working very hard on changing me and my thinking and am as positive as I can be in a very negative atmosphere there.
I also have a good friend (please send prayers, thanks) who has an autoimmune disorder among other issues and now has to have a skin cancer spot removed also.
My cat (almost 14) has a number of health issues and is high maintenance G-d Bless Her! So I have to deal with all of her stuff plus am having a lot of financial issues and get very afraid sometimes that things won't get better even though I know inside they will.
Just overwhelmed and the every night lack of sleep plus pain and being tired so easily when there are things to be done and I am not motivated doesn't help.
SO thanks for the ears and I wish you all well!!
Susan (energy healing)
Sorry to hear about all this hurt, and stress, and aggravation, add all of that to chronic pain, lack of restorative sleep and all of the other complications and sooner or later, it's just gonna get us down!
Venting is always helpful and cleansing, though you're right, the hurt remains. The over doers, over givers, over thinkers, are the ones who seem to end up with this syndrome along with a mixed bag of other complications that can vary daily.
It's not only accepting the fact that we are mourning the death of our own former selves, then it is others not being able to accept and adapt that we can no longer be the givers that we once always were. Some one always gives more, some one always gives more unconditionally than the other. When it's our turn to need, it seldom works out so well, and of course, it's our fault.
I really don't think there are many here whose life has not had some aspect of this, it seems to go with the territory, unfortunately.
I hope I am making sense, out of things that really shouldn't make sense, much less come to be.
I feel your pain, and I really do understand, I hope that this hurt can heal.
Sending love and hugs,
You ARE Truly Great! Thanks so much and Many Many Hugs To you!!!
It is hard for ALL of us to ask for help! But boy oh boy do we NEED it! That is what we are ALL here for! Help, support, a place to vent, a place to be informed, to laugh at ourselves, to cry with each other & just the thought that there is actually another human being out there who is struggling with the same old, same old, or the new.
I have come to the age where if you don't like me as I am now, go away, go find someone somewhere else.
While you have the time before the other boss comes back, I suggest you write down a list of what YOU think happened. Then you won't be flustered by the other employee.
My fibro hasn't become as worse as most of the folks on here (TYG), I have wonderful night Meds that knock me out within 90min of taking them! (TYG).
Hiya! We have pretty much all been where you are and feel exactly what you are feeling. Don't worry about venting here we've all done it. Sometimes it's great just to get stuff off your chest and especially here. We get it. I have just gone through an episode very similar to yours and honestly didn't think I would be strong enough to come out the other end, but I did. It was hard as you well know, but we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for and I believe you will get through this too. When things get absolutely horrid, take a breath, put it all aside (it will still be there when you come back) and sit down somewhere quite with a cuppa and read some of the jokes here in the groups! A bit of laughter always makes things seem a bit lighter.
Talk to us. We're here for you.
SK has said this oh so well. Your former friend/sister-in-law was fine with your friendship as long as she was in the position of accepting support. As soon as the dynamics changed, she no longer wanted to be part of the friendship. She didn't want to give, only to take. It takes a long time, sometimes, to realize that we can end up in relationships like that, and when we finally do face it, we realize that WE also need to be takers sometimes and not always givers. And that SHOULD be alright. And if it's NOT alright, then we truly aren't with the right person(s.)
Prayers for your sick friend and your older kitty. It's hard to be positive when things like this pop up. But remember that even though it may rain in your backyard today, tomorrow will bring back the sun.
I think your first paragraph is said so beautifully ... Your honest, open spirit shines through !
I'm so sorry your friend/ sister-in-law has done this, sometimes it's so hard to understand & accept why someone would or could do this, and I'm sure you are heartbroken. I just keep trying to understand why when we get sick, some don't want to try and understand.
Having a sick kitty is so stressful, I'm so sorry, I hope you can find peace with knowing when it's time.
Drama at work can be toxic for us, but it sounds like your handling it so graceful !
Hugs & blessings
She Always gave me support constantly which is what made it so hard and she was always patient through all the years of horrible things that happened to me. And we were always honest with each other. I don't know why she couldn't just tell me she was overwhelmed but there is nothing I can do about it.
Thanks for the hugs and prayers!
Thanks Maggi. I already sent an email with my concerns and I guess we will talk about it next week. The boss was there today and that is what she said. I'd rather just drop it.
Thanks Dee! My Daffy is actually doing pretty well all things considered, especially since she is eating Kefir too, like me. I just worry myself and shouldn't I know. I have had her since she was 4 months old and we have been through so much. I hate living alone and have been divorced for over 5 years now, long enough as far as I am concerned.
As far as my sis-in-law goes she is always sick so she understands that and also was always always supportive of all my problems. I don't know why she couldn't tell me the truth. We were always honest, always!
Thanks for the support. I am so anxious tonight and lonely and trying to pray and trust G-d!
Many years ago I became acquainted with a gal who owned a 'new age bookstore', she and another lady had extensive training in reiki and marielle. I had them work on me once and the results were amazing. I was very impressed with the results. When they did 'pull outs' their hands were actually HOT!!
I don't know what happened to them, the bookstore closed, she moved out of town, then out of state. I don't know that I would go to just anyone who claimed to be able to do this, but it may be worth a try again. Reflexology was also used, and this was very helpful, by using this first they were able to pinpoint areas that I never would have guess still hurt me. For instance she hit a spot on my foot that about shot me through the ceiling, and told me it was my uterus. I said that is not possible, it was removed, she said that actually it was very possible as my body still held the trauma of illness and surgery!
Made me a believer!
Wishing you a good night. I want to let you know how pleased I am that you joined us, and I'll speak for the group and say we are all pleased to have you, what a very important part of the group you are, and how pleased we are that you are our friend.
Don't put any guilt on yourself, be proud of yourself, that YOU can be such a good friend!
We're tucking you in with a hug,
I feel you on the whole friend thing i had a friend who i thought was a great support system she also suffers from fibro ic and gastroperiosis as do she also has more health issues as well. anyways lon story short she would watch my kids i would clean her house help her when she had surgery took her to er once and all i got was her telling someone else she did not wanna watch my kids and that everytime i came down i dumped my kids on her. i heard her say the same thing about someone else and spounded too simialr to not be true because when the grl would come around she would act like they were bffs as she did me i trusted her and got hurt. Now i feel like friends are never going to happen cuz even now i have a friend whom i am weiry of because seems like she too only wants to talk when its convinient. Anyways hang in in there i understand trying to keep ur head up as do i but it is hard , however the stress never does us any good so we must try to keep chugging along. i hope you get some answers soon cuz i never did i get the fake smily wave every time i drive down my road. i want to say something but dont want the other grl who told me to be involved and start drama for her feels like hs all over lol. seriously though ppl suck and even those who have issues soemtimes only seem to care about there issues only and act like urs are so inconvinient they forget how inconvinient it is for us as well. i would rather listen about it then go through it.
Thanks Victoria. Hang in there! Thank G-d I have other friends and people who love me! Forgiveness has helped me with moving on, but it is a process. I pray for her and I think that helps too.
Reiki and other forms of energy healing have been invaluable and everyone does it differently so there are various results.
PS All trauma lodges itself in the body until it is released so the uterus thing makes sense, like a "phantom limb".
Thank you bunches SK! That helps so much!!
HUGS TO EVERYBODY!
PLEASE do not assume what you heard was the truth!!! Ask her directly and let her explain. My sister in law who also has been extremely close in my life assumed something and wrote me a really ..well just mean email.
I waited till i had calmed down then i wrote her and said before you assume what was told you was true, I would have thought after all these years you would have given me the respect to at least ask first.
So we easily could be not speaking and yes it has hurt our relationship because even if it had been true....well lets say this that i have no doubt that 90% at least...would think i have full rights to be upset what was thought to be upset about.
So i always try hard to remember that saying about assuming......makes ass out of u and me...get it ass u me lol!!
so please just ask her what her side of this is first...be really sad if not even near the truth.
also you wrote something about (Neuroplasticity of the brain)...how it affected your thinking in negative way...can you explain to me bit more or supply some reliable links on it? appreciate it and no rush...
Hope it all works out with your sister in law
I can't ask her because she refuses to talk to me, she changed her phone number and returned unopened a certified letter to her so it is over. I don't know what I said about neuroplasticity being negative, it isn't. It is research that we can change our brain by changing our thinking. So actually the more I keep practicing positive thinking, the more my brain will change in a positive way to accommodate the new more positive habits.
thanks i did read on wiki about it....so guess like doing gratitude journals or wearing rubber band catch yourself thinking or saying things in ways that are negative or we want to change. I was thinking that you had specific technique. Just something a doc just told me...not sure if this will pertain to you or not..but being on pain killers also affects our thinking by side effects such as lowering hormones and other brain/body chemicals. Researching it now...just fast search did show to have truth behind it.
Boy...as to your sister in law...i am so sorry. I hope you have harder heart than I. It really hurt me greatly when my sister in law wrote what she said....how does one take back what they put in writing? It sounds like you have tried as best you can....i just hope in time things work out between you...and same for me. I am so sorry...i so wish that we could just feel what others feel...think we be much more kinder to one another. thank you for answering so fast...and again...so sorry..sure you have friends to speak with about it but if you ever need ear...i am hear to listen.