Hi Susan,
Yes, I guess it's true, you really are powerless over her behavior. I do wonder, though, if her bipolar disorder had something to do with her abrupt withdrawal from your friendship. I know from past experience that bipolar people can make instantaneous, reckless decisions and never have a clue that they are bad decisions to make. Or maybe her bipolar disorder just kicked into high gear again and she's off on everything. Meaning she's kind of lost the plot for a bit. I also know that meds only seem to work so long for them and then they need to find a new medical balance. These are just a few thoughts and may not apply but I thought I'd throw them out there as 2 possibilities.
Sometimes, too, I think we just end up growing away from friends. Their needs change or ours do. We certainly aren't the same people that we were 20 years ago. I know I was massively different 20 years ago. It's kind of hard to keep older relationships going if we don't update and refresh them every so often. I guess by that I mean that we have to find some newer common topics of interest or reasons to still bond to the person or else the relationship could become stale and no longer reflective of what we believe. Same thing for marriages.
I hope you're doing better now than during the terrible storm of events you went through back in March. I definitely hope that your work situation improved. I hope that Miss Brown-Nose was put into her place (a brown chair??) and has been told to leave you alone. Your boss should take this example of work place bullying seriously.
And I hope your kitty is doing better. Oh Gosh, and good thoughts sent out to your friend with melanoma. That must be a very trying illness to navigate through. Cancer terrifies me and I never know how people do face it bravely. But I do admire them.
Hugs,
Petunia
As Siskiya said, it sounds like you've done everything you possibly can. And I guess that your SIL is just in a place where she can't bear to hear what you have to say, for whatever reasons. Maybe something in her own life became so big and unpleasant that she no longer had any emotions left to deal with you and your own issues. Or maybe she no longer has the patience to listen. None of it reflects badly on you, it just shows that she feels differently now and can't cope with telling you why.
I know it's hard as can be but please try to not feel badly about your "part" in this. It takes two to make a friendship work, and if one person can't do it anymore, it just comes down to her not being able to handle her part of the friendship. That's her responsibility, not yours.
I hope that talking about it on here helps you to feel better about the situation. We're here to listen, Susan.
Petunia
Hi Petunia,
I know and have stopped blaming myself mostly but still a little guilt is there and sadness. Thank you. Having a horrible time right now and it is hardest for me to reach out when I feel like this. I try so hard to change myself and I have but I feel very scared and alone right now. My cat has been doing better but it has been hard lately to get her to eat her meds and supplements. She wouldn't eat her oil this morning that she eats to help her poop, then she threw up some yellow liquid. We have been through so much together in the over 13 years I've had her. I don't need anymore stress right now. She seems OK now Thank G-d, I keep praying. I am just very anxious and have not been feeling good myself after doing better too. I am working through a new layer of abuse issues (old stuff) that is effecting my present but has to be released and gotten rid of. I try so hard and sometimes don't feel like my life is getting any better in the things I want most. I keep releasing and letting go but then take it all back and try to work it out myself. Thanks for listening to me complain. Part of this is about a relationship I am in, it is a good one but not the committed one I want. He is feeling stronger and right now me less so, as I try to come to terms with this may be all there is and keep praying G-d will send the relationship I want and have prayed for and I keep trying so hard to make myself be what I want to attract. Sorry I am rambling.
Susan
Thanks again Petunia. He is doing better with that. It wasn't the form that spreads and I went with him last week to have it removed. He is the relationship I mentioned in what I just wrote. He has Sarcoidosis (an autoimmune disorder) and we have both been growing in the past year we have been involved. As far as work goes, it is getting better in some ways but the co-worker does what she does. We basically only communicate through email (though we are in the same room) with a cc to one of the bosses. I am having such a hard time living alone. I Never liked it and it has been almost 5 1/2 years now since I got divorced. I expected things to be so much better by now. Things are better in some ways and I am grateful and try to look at those things but just very overwhelmed right now and wish I had my life partner (where ever he may be) to help me cope. And I am grateful for my friends but I miss Kim, my sis-in-law and it hurts that she doesn't seem to love me anymore. Having a hard time being philosophical about this. I have always made strong attachments to others and it is hard to let them go. My friend says he can "take or leave" relationships because he is fine alone. He said he doesn't mean it that way as though he doesn't care but just doesn't need people. That hurt my feelings although he didn't mean it like that but I have invested a lot although I am holding back a lot too and not pushing.
Susan
I’m so glad to have found this site. Over the last few years, I’ve lost touch with some friends due to my inability to be who I used to be. I was always there to listen, help and support friends when needed. I rarely required that in return. When I was unable to always be there and could no longer physically do the things I used to, some friendships lessened or ended. It has been hurtful and I thought it was just me. As much as I don’t wish the hurt on others it is comforting to read about how common this appears to be. I do know that often friendships change as we do and am thankful for the wonderful people I do have in my life.
Susan, I hope time will make this friendship loss easier for you …hang in there!
Hey Have hope, thanks! The support is what I miss the most. It is good to have that here and thank G-d I have other friends and sometimes my mom and one sister is too but not usually about physical stuff which I try not to mention.
HUGS,
Susan