Today is such a hard day. It's been very emotional. My sister and I had to tell my Aunt that her dog was hit by a car. That she needed to make a choice. Try to keep him alive or put him down. When we got to the vet, watching my Aunt crying over her best friend that has been all banged up made me cry.
It's bad enough that every day I have the feelings of being alone. I keep myself sheltered in my home and never visit or hang with any friends. I know my husband is understanding. But I also know he understands to a point. Every day I sit here thinking what to do with my day. Even though I am a stay home mom I still can't seem to get over the emotional side, to give my daughter the proper attention she needs. I wish I had 1 of you in ct to push me.....joking
Today is a day I would like to sit back and cry. Between toe dog situation, past conversation with my Aunt, ans worse of all my own mom ignoring me. She has her reasons, just like I have mine. Telling her to have a good day and her ignoring me hurt. She was my best friend. The one I told everything too. The one I know that wouldn't understand but at the same time would.
There is no apology necessary, we understand. It doesn't take too much to make us emotional, but what you went through today is surely up there on the charts! So sorry you had to go through this. I am especially sad that you are one of the unfortunate ones whose own Mother doesn't seem to want to understand. Now you'll have to forgive me, but I'd just like to get them and shake the socks off them! I personally feel that understanding and compassion are the most important functions to be given to the very ones we have given life to!
Illness is very isolating, especially having one that few want to even attempt to understand. Please know that you can always come to us with anything. Most of us have been 'through the mill' ourselves, and have someone near and dear to us that has treated us with lack of care and compassion, so we really do understand!
Hopefully this can change, I will tell you that there is strength in numbers, and this is one great group of people. They will help you through just about anything they can!
Talk to your Dr, they may suggest a counselor to help you to deal with the illness and the way people treat you because of it, they are very good at teaching you new coping skills, they really can make you more resilient. Treating you with the best meds available is also important.
Hopefully you are seeing a Rheumatologist to get the very best care and diagnisis possible!
Enjoy your baby, the little ones don't stay little very long! Tell your Dr that you would like to feel well enough to be able to enjoy your baby! Ask for better care!
Jess, I’m so sorry you have had such an emotional day, I spent three hrs at the vet yesterday because my dog is sick, & then today I literally have not been able to get off the couch, I think emotional issues really wipe us out, it’s hard enough to deal with all the Physical issues & add an emotional day … WOW !!! Just Crying and feeling sad for what your aunt was feeling, shows what a caring & compassionate person you are, she is very lucky to have you. ( what did she decide about her dog )
It makes me sad to here About your mother, I hope you both can work it out !! Sounds like you are trying,
I get sick hearing of animals who are hurt. I hope your aunt's dog was able to be saved. I feel so sick and bad about this. Dogs are so special. They are like our kids. You just never want anything bad to happen to them and feel awful when something does.
Jessc, I'm not a doctor but is sounds like you might need some anti-depressants to help you out. You've got so much on your plate. Dealing with a child when you have fibro must be murder. When I wasn't working, I had no reason to get up and be motivated, so I totally get what you're saying. But on the other side of that equation is a growing child who needs you in her life, as much as you can give her. That's why I suggest the anti-depressants. They would help you to get motivated again and be here for your daughter, as best as you can be.
As for your mom, it's very evident that you love her very much and miss her in your life. I would suggest that you do a very in depth soul search to see if what you are both arguing about is worth the loss of her in your life. Moms don't live forever. Do you want to live with one day being without her without having spoken again or worked things out? I'm not trying to push you one way or another, just trying to help you see things a bit more long-term. You'd be surprised at how quickly time goes by and how easy it is to let it slide by and not talk to someone long-term.
Most of all, I wish you peace tonight. Maybe some deep breaths, some relaxation time for yourself...take care of yourself..
You are never alone as long as there are us that share this retched disease.
I live alone and have the same thoughts and feelings. The ONLY thing that helps me , besides meds, is being aware of my thoughts. and realizing when I'm stuck on the negative ones. It's normal to be sad over sad things. I try to acknowledge my thoughts, and then TRY really hard to let them go. I can do really well for 2 days then I start falling into a pity party and have to, AGAiN, realize what I'm doing and leave the party!
It's very hard to do but I have a good therapist who I communicate with by email with when I need a pep talk. I keep a journal of sayings that I can re-read to get my mind off the hurt, resentment, depression, frustration...and re-boot my thoughts.
here are a couple I use:
"Thoughts create our heaven or our hell"; "Worrying is just praying for what we DON'T want"; "How you react to your thoughts, determines how much you'll suffer, acknowledge the thoughts, let them pass through you, then relax and lean away from them".
It may sound simplistic, but that's what helps me....I'm NOT saying that we should ignore our emotions, especially when we are truly hurt or sad. Just try not to Re-play them over and over...because that's just noise in your brain. Do what you can, to help the situation you're in, and if you can't, try to let it go.
I'm no therapist, just trying to help. There is no One size fits all therapy. :)
Jess, Hugs to you, your sister, and especially your aunt. Losing a well-loved pet suddenly is one of the most difficult situations to ever have to deal with, and my heart goes out to all of you.
As for where you say you're sheltered at home, not visiting with friends, husband understands "to a point".... that's my life, exactly. It seems that isolating ourselves is more common that I thought.
You say that you don't give your daughter the proper attention she needs....we tend to be very critical of our actions, and most times it's unwarranted. I bet she thinks you're a great mom.
If you don't already have one, a therapist might help tremendously. Just to have someone to vent to, help set goals, keep your thoughts straight, and give objective observations. I think everyone should go at some point! (says me, who needs a new one desperately and hasn't tried to find one... for a year now!)
I'm sending prayers for you and your mom, that you can repair the rift between you. My mom was my best friend also, and she too stopped talking to me... I know how painful it is.
I know this wasn't encouraging at all, I just want you to know that you are not the only person who thinks and feels the way you do. I think most of us have experienced these things at one point. Please don't think you're alone.
Please don't ever apologize, and know that we are all here to support you, whatever you need. Message me anytime you need someone to vent to, I'm a great listener, as is everyone here in the group!
By the way, I'm in NY, not too far from CT... we'll have to kick each others butts into gear !
You have some great tools Penelope, be very proud of yourself for being able to utilize them. Finding a good therapist, one that you can work with, is the key. I'm having difficulty finding ANY that accept my insurance, good or bad!
This is really good advice, thank you for posting it. I think this can help a lot of us who are struggling. Hugs, Renie