Hi all I am a new member I have had problems with family supporting me I do not have any visits just texting them. I cannot drive myself live about 40 minutes away, and even if I did visit them I have a hard time with the ride as far as pain goes and being comfortable at their home, I need to lay down a lot to relieve pain from spine, texting my mother this morning she made the comment I was just wanting the drugs it really hurts my feelings when they say things like that, I left my job I had worked so hard to get into making great money too I loved to shop, needed to work to pay bills I cried like a baby when I resigned, it’s a good thing I am on antidepressants it keeps me sane but still have breakthrough depression sometimes the hurt is so great from family and also my pain and losing my ability to live a normal life. Thank you all looking forward for some replies and help
My mother will not even visit me at my house let alone go to appmts with me. Yes you are right about des and meds, I tried to explain to her the regulations and I would not be on such heavy meds if it wasn’t necessary, as of last month I will be on long term pain med so it does not matter if I become addicted I have a sister who understands but is still unsure I would love her to come with me and talk to my pain dr I think that would open her eyes a little more. Thank you
Hi Quinceey,
I am sorry to hear that your family is not really there for you. I think accepting this condition is very hard. I do remember being where you are now. The changes from a life you once knew and enjoyed is probably the hardest part. Jobs make up a good percent of who we are. And when we lose that it's perfectly normal to feel adrift like you were on a raft in the ocean. I felt a real sense of loss when I lost a promotion because of my absentees. I had what they wanted but they needed someone who was there. With the loss of that my dreams to live a more enjoyable life -more money to go on a cruise, more money to remodel the kitchen went down the drain. It is hard to adjust to a life that does not resemble your inner drive and motivation. That's a loss. We should be able to go to our family for support and comfort and instead they do not understand. I hope the weeks ahead for you are a little easier.
I was going to write this post, except that I have it easier. My fibro isn't so bad (knock on wood....), and I'm just starting to encounter the relationship side effects.
But I received a really wretched letter from the closest thing I have to a father (foster parent / uncle) about three weeks ago telling me that I was a bad mother and needed to take sole responsibility for the care of my children (who have had dirty cloths / hair while I have been ill and trying to figure out what was going on), and it triggered a flare... and then I responded to a very kind email from his wife yesterday (who doesn't know about the letter from him) and even that was enough to trigger another flare today, just recalling the letter her husband had sent.
I feel like I've lost my parents, because my uncle can't come to terms with how this illness is affecting me. His sister-in-law also had this condition for decades before I developed it; if he hasn't worked it out in the time he's known her, he's never going to figure it out with me.
No advice, but a hug from someone who is just starting to work through this whole mess. Maybe you'll feel a bit less alone?
Maybe a little advice... I was able to find a really sane friend (my MIL's boyfriend) and talk with him about this. If you have any such friends (I know how hard it is to maintain friendships), make sure you lean on them. And listen to them! Especially when they tell them you aren't the one causing the problem, you're doing the right things - and that it sucks that you have to be the better one in this relationship when you are already ill with a sickness that worsens with stress. Maybe reducing or cutting contact is the best you can be right now - and if so, that's okay. It's not your fault, even if it confuses your family.
That's the lecture I'm replaying to myself in my head lately, at least :-) I think it's true, logically. But it's hard not to hold myself to the standards for healthy people emotionally, especially when so many others around me are still trying to hold me to those standards and I want so badly to care about what they think of me. That's a luxury I don't get any more - I can only care about the opinions of people who are willing to become informed.
It's hard. I'm not *that* old, I still want my parents in my life as advisors and people I can trust. *Sigh*.