I am planning on going to Gettysburg"s 150th anniversary re-enactment. It has been a childhood dream for me to go. I am really excited about going. My dad and his new family are going as well. This was something that my dad and I have planned on attending for years! Now that there is going to be 7 people going, I afraid that i'm going to be a hinderance. I tried to explain to my dad that I may not be able to do a lot of things we wanted to do. He response was " Gail, quit wallowing in self pity, you shouldn't let this effect your life. You can't succombe to this." . I now feel that I shouldn't go. His new wife doesn't have a sympathic bone in her body. Don't get me wrong, she is really nice. I tried to come up with things that I can do while down there that doesn't include a butt load of walking. Some things they agreed to, others not the case. Why can't they understand what i'm going through. I don't know how to explain it to them in a way they understand me. I try really hard not to show my pain but when I am looking for understanding, it seems like this site is the place where I can find people that are understanding.
Hi Gail, I’m sorry that your Dad doesn’t understand your limitations and that the entire trip will be quite difficult for you. What about renting a scooter/wheelchair or just joining them on those things that you can do. Could you find a place you can sit and people watch or read a book while they go off and do the other things. I checked and it looks like it may be 4 1/2 hours to get there, Note: I live in Canada and don’t know the geography. Are you staying overnight and if so could you arrange to keep the room for an extra day so you could spend some of your time resting at the hotel. I expect others may come up with some more options.
This won’t be the dream trip you wanted with your dad, since his new family are joining you, but would you regret it if you didn’t go. I’d tell them up front that you’d love to go, but will only be able to join them on some things, and need to arrange things so it works for everybody.
Have you seen the letters to loved ones that Renie has posted in the last month, they may help you explain fibro to your Dad. This is difficult for all of us, as “normals” have a hard time understanding fibro, which is not unusual because I have it and I don’t really understand it some days.
Please don’t think you would become a hindrance because you have limitations. It’s just a challenge you and your family will need to work around. It sounds like a great event and I hope you go and enjoy every minute of it.
Gentle Hugs
I rented a wheelchair on a vacation and it made is crystal clear how impacted I was. Thanks to the chair I was able to keep up with my group and they all were very thankful I got the power one that they did not have to push around.
by the end of the day when I said "are you all happy there was no pushing me all day", they agreed but said if they had pushed me all over the magic kingdom, they would know just how tired fibro makes you feel
I forgot to mention that since this is such a big event that there was no hotel rooms available last fall so we ended up making reservations at a campground. I will be camping for 5 days.
More like dying over and over again for 5 days.
I live in Littlestown, PA just 8 mins outside of Gettysburg. I know for a fact that they have scooters that you can rent by the day so that you can get around. there is also a transit bus that can get you into town and all around. Please don't let the walking hinder your chances to enjoy this great time in GBurg! Lots of luck, I feel for you, as I know exactly how you are feeling. My kids were so used to my doing it all, and now I struggle, and they try to be supportive, however my motto was always suck it up be strong! wow, has my motto changed. LOL
More like take one step at at time and accomplish what you can!
Jackie, Can you give me any info about them. I looked on line and didn't find anything. We are staying at Granite Hill campground. It is a really nice campsite. I stayed there about 8 yrs ago. My dad plans on driving around down there.Any info would be great. Also since you're from around there...can you think of anywhere cool we might want to check that isn'y exactly just civil war stuff. I want to explore. Plus that way i'm not walking to every monument there is. I've seen them 4 times already. I just want a variety. Thanks a lot for your help.
This is a great place to go, but the roads are a mess, the parking leaves much to be desired, there is a lot of walking and waiting, and the crowds will be tremendous, and so will the traffic. To go there with others who have little understanding or regard of your health limitations is inviting tremendous frustration and pain.
I cannot tell you not to go if it is that important to you, but if you do, you are going to have to be prepared to suffer, with people who do not want to hear about it. Sorry if this sounds blunt, but it sounds like you already know what you are in for!
My husband goes to his Vietnam Reunion each year to see all of his buddies, they meet in a beautiful hotel in Gatlinburg, and I just cannot make the trip anymore, I have tried, and of course the minute you get there they all want to get on the bus and go everywhere non stop. As important is it is for my husband to go and for me to go with him, we have both come to the understanding that I just will no longer to go with him. Of course as nice as these folks can be, there were always snide remarks that you would overhear as well, so it is just better for me to stay put and let him go and enjoy himself.
When I was still well we had invited them to come to visit us, but having some of them here twice was just too much, and that no longer works as they get here and want to run, and are insulted if I do not run with them, and we have also brought my Mom down to live with us, and some have even had the nerve to ask for her bedroom. So I had to just stop it all together.
It does not matter if they are friend, family, many people just DO NOT understand, nor will they ever. It is just a cold, hard fact. My heart goes out to you, I know how much this must mean to you. Adjusting your life and coming to the realization of the limitations that go with this and similar conditions and diseases is a tough one!
I wish you the best, my friend,
Big hugs,
SK
BTW, Gettysburg was one of the places they insisted I go when they visited, and even with pain meds thought I was going to end up in the hospital, the worst of it was when I went up into the round house where the screen moves, I had vertigo for days after.
The worlds smallest horse farm is in the area and is a delight to see the miniature horses, as well as devils den, Hershey park is only like 40 mins from there. Best places to eat: Dobbin house(little on the pricey side, but the best food) Blue and Grey downtown is a great place to eat, not very expensive, and Licoln diner, for breakfast is the best! Other things you might want to do> visit the winery, there are several different types all have civil war names. The transit runs all over town, I don't think that it goes the whole way out to granite hill, but if Im not mistaken Granite hill isn't far from the outlets and the transit picks up there and goes downtown, from the station you can get all over Gburg. Oh you might want to check out the Gburg college it is awesome. The ghost tours are a lot of fun, and the horse/buggy ride around town is also very nice. I hope you enjoy it, we live so close and don't really appreciate the area as we should! If you need anymore help, let me know... Look online for Rabbit Transit, it will come up under that, the main office is in York PA. Have a good one, Jackie
Wow 5 days of camping with people who don’t get it ??? Hmmm I’d be very nervous myself about that one. You almost wish you could just put a cast on your leg …and then they wouldn’t expect ya to walk & walk & walk ?? I literally have 2-4 hrs a day that Ican somewhat function and that’s if I get 9-10hrs of sleep , and even with the sleep I’m exhausted just doing a few things.
I’d say go , but know your limit and don’t push to much beyond it, because only you will suffer after words, not your dad or his wife or anyone else.
I would have a talk with him and tell him his comment is hurtful, your not wallowing in self pity !! Ask him how well he would be able to function if he had the flu during the trip ? Sit down and read him the spoon theory, e- mail it to him, and give him a copy. My daughter is my biggest supporter, but after I read the spoon theory to her, she said she really didn’t understand , and now she does. In reality unless they live in our shoes they can’t fully understand, but knowing that they are trying to , really does help. He obviously does not understand at all !! So you can’t be mad at him, but I would do my best to ask him if his is at least willing to try and understand it ?
I still do not understand why some don’t want to try and understand, my best friend of 35 years still keeps saying she thinks I’m just stressed out … Really ??? My muscles hurt if I walk to much (10 min ) I can’t shower, grocery shop and do the dishes all in one day, after 10 hrs of sleep, I drag myself out of bed because my whole body hurts & after being up 2 hrs I feel like I haven’t sleep in a month. So I have been de- stressing out of work for 9 months now… And my joints started hurting… Stress ??? Ok that’s it . Lol
This trip sounds like a trip of a life time… I can understand why you don’t want to miss it, and i can also relate to being fearful of going, you just cant feel bad if you have to only spend a half of day with them,let them make the plans they want & decide when you are there what you will participate in and what you can’t
Politely excuse your self from what they may be doing, if you feel you need to go rest,
The scooter sounds like a great option.
I hope it works out for you , at the most perhaps your dad will see first hand that when you literally can not walk all day, maybe he will see it from a bit differently
Hugs & blessings
dee
My mom has this neat cane that has a little seat that folds out. My dad is very athletic so I figured he could carry it. Its pretty light wait but I get a lot of pain in my shoulders. Carrying it would kill me. I figured this way I could sit when I needed to.I'm going to try to find a fanny pack...yep I said it. I think that it would be better than carrying my purse around. I just don't know where to get one these days....its not 1990. I'm trying to think of different things that minimize the stress on my body. Thanks to all of you for your suggestions. I like how you all but a little in there about yourselves. It is really nice to hear that people do suffer as I do. I wish I could be strong and say fibro is not going to run my life and I am going to do what I want. However, reality is that I can't.
Perhaps you can die early. Were there any death-by-misfire at the onset of the battle of Gettysburg?