Facebook makes me sad. Yet I can’t seem to tear myself away. I read my friends’ posts with intense jealousy. People my age, living normal lives, traveling, running races, chasing kids. It awakens this awful, envious feeling inside. Whew. I needed to say that. It’s been weighing on me.
I seldom post to social media. Unless I have positive and exciting news. I realize that probably many of the people on my friends list do the same and I don’t begrudge them their exciting moments. It’s just hard when my exciting moment is getting the yard mowed. I want to be doing what others can do!
I am still learning my limits with fibro. In the meantime, I need to find a way to let go of the jealousy I feel when I see others doing the very things I dream of.
Yes, at times I have this problem too. I see my friends posting how they ran a 5K or are out dancing all night at a local club, and I do feel a little jealousy. The thing that helps me combat that jealousy is thinking about the other positive things in my life; sometimes I even make a list of things I am thankful for. I also struggle with the fact that a happy moment for me is being able to make the bed and get 3 loads of laundry done when my friends have 4 kids, made dinner, did the laundry and went grocery shopping. Sometimes even grocery shopping burns me out. My husband has really helped me accept that it is okay to go take a nap, rest on a the couch or take a break from an activity. The hard part is explaining to friends if you go to lunch or on an outing why you suddenly seem different or less interested because of the exhaustion. Have you had the problem where you have had to cancel plans you were so looking forward too because you just couldn't do it that day? Try to look at it this way: With FMS we have good and bad days, you never know what it is going to be, but take on a task that will make you feel accomplished and happy like crafts, painting, writing. You have to be satisfied with what YOU are able to do and not hold yourself other people's expectations, or your own expectations, of what you should be able to do. Start looking at your expectations of yourself and remember not to judge yourself or compare to what you can't do with your friends on FB. Life is not about comparison, it is about being happy with what we have and making the most of what we have to work with (the ingredients to make your recipe of life the best it can be).
Thanks! It needed to get that off my chest and some people don’t understand. My biggest hurdle right now is figuring out what works for me. I worry about being judged or seen as lazy if I opt out of activities. I am also leaning to accept the situation and am trying not to be critical of myself. Somehow this all seemed easier before the actual diagnosis. Before the diagnosis, I just told myself I was exhausted because of my busy life or I hurt because I must have “slept wrong” or lifted something too heavy and that the exhaustion and pain were temporary. Except they weren’t. And won’t ever be. I wasn’t prepared for that. I am finding it hard to cope mentally. Thanks for your support. It really means a lot to hear how you and others cope.
Laurie B,
Most people feel a bit envious when they see or hear of others that are doing things that they can only dream about. When you are young and it’s your health holding you back–it is especially hard to keep jealous thoughts out of your mind. So, don’t feel too badly about yourself, you’ve just proven that you are normal in spite of this doggone fibro! Remember that the limits you may have today will be different tomorrow and different a week from now, etc. You will take one day at a time and be grateful for all the amazing days you are blessed with and you will pace yourself and be kind to yourself on the bad days. You may be very blessed to find that once your doctor helps you with your medication(s) & a health plan targeted for you, that you will have the fibro under better control. I pray that you have a great week and feel better with each passing day. HUGS!
Deb
I have to agree with the others that have posted so far. Yes it is hard to see that your friends are doing things you would love to be doing ( we all feel that at times) (I hardly ever post on FB either for the same reason) but if you obsess about what you cant do you never will enjoy the things that you are still able to do. I have fibro fog something awful to the point where I didn't make it to my good friends wedding date and almost lost said friend but I found comfort in the fact that I was able to attend her bachelorette party prior and was able to spend some time with her. Just to sum it up I find that I do not look at life quite the same as I did prior to having fibro and in a way many things are put into perspective when you can look past your fibro and to not think of yourself as someone with limitations but rather someone that has an active role in this world and in the lives of others ....although it may not be the same as it once was it is still just as meaningful. It just takes time to adjust and figure out how to do the things that are important.
Well you can message me to chat anytime if you like I will add you as a friend..... I hope you have as good a day as you can :) lots of hugs wings
I am not a huge fan of social media anyways. My kids are grown and only live within a few miles from me but I seem to find out important things about them and their lives via facebook instead of them telling me, or coming to me with their problems. I find it a very cold way to communicate.
I only use it every now and again to get in touch with old friends, share a picture etc. It's nothing but "drama" it's not reality. People put on a front on their because it is easy to give a false impression that their lives are wonderful because they have 1000's of friends online when in reality they don't have but a few. Yes, some of the posts I too am envious about; that's another good reason to stay off those sites.
Most people that post to those sites all the time are probably lonely and are trying to create a life outside of their own.
If it really bothers you then you should just stay away. Try to eliminate negative things from your life or things that can cause stress. You can't do that with everything , but you sure can with Social Websites.
I have heard of people posting goodbye messages on facebook. Just maybe make a final posting saying that you are taking a break from social websites and remove your profile.
I have become victim to writing negative stuff sometimes when hurting or depressed which has lost me many friends and even family. I understand how social media can hurt you emotionally, but honestly, if you are in pain, tell someone, tell me. Holding it in, not good. That's why I either write a diary, a letter to my future husband, or write a story. It does suck to hear how happy others are where you are struggling. But in the long run, your happiness is well deserved. Many people are given whatever they want, while here you are, earning what you need. Stay strong! Message if ya wanna keep in touch! Here for you.
I completely agree with everything everyone has said. It is so comforting to be surrounded by this supportive and non-judgemental group. I would rather hear all of your real-life stories than go on FB or the like to get more depressed about things that are out of reach. I am grateful for all of you and your compassion.
I agree to Bobby. I am 26 and strange it may sound to many, but I never have been a fan of social media either. And now I realise its a good thing.
I am not envious with others, though at times it kinda seems unfair when all my friends are enjoying their lives. But I feel blessed to have a supportive family and few but good friends. Yes I lost many good things in the past one and half year but I still am better than many. Trust me the only thing that keeps me going is the realisation of the fact that I could do much worse, and I should be thankful for whatever I have. One of my friends has blood cancer, and whenever I feel low I just talk to her. Hearing her puts my head back in its right place. She is sort of my antidepressants, though she has no idea about this or about my health issues.
I suggest you to find a support system, or someone who can help you with this.
I completely get where you are coming from and I think that it is part of the process of grieving. I found it very hard to accept that I was disabled and my life would be forever changed but it did get better with time. Am I still envious of others who are not limited by a chronic condition? You can bet your sweet bippy I am but that is only natural. Don't be too hard on yourself, you just want to do the same things as your friends, not take it away from them.
When I was first diagnosed I felt a bit worthless. For all of my life my identity has revolved around "what I did" and all of the sudden I was doing nothing. Thankfully I accidentally fell into blogging. It is hard with Fibro clouding my brain but it has given me some focus. It gives me an answer for that awkward question, "What do you do?" It gives me something to plan for and look forward to each day and it gives me something to talk about with family and friends. I know more about social media and computers than most of my friends and people find it interesting. It also helps keep my mind working and learning, things that I have trouble with due to the Fibro.
My advice is to find something you can do while you rest and on the difficult days when the fog is thick and the pain is tough.
I also plan things for days when I am feeling foggy and in a lot of pain like watching a movie I can only watch on my next bad day. It has made more that one horrid day seem interesting.
I hope your feel better about yourself soon. In the meantime take it easy
I feel the exact same way!!I also have Dysautonomia&Lupus. I have been in a severe lupus flare up&spend the majority of my life on my couch. Feel too sick&exhausted to even move.Usually when I am really sick I stay away due to eye inflammation. I am constantly in awe of all the things others are doing.It hits me hard when I think I can't even walk to my mailbox. It's as if we exist, just waiting to come to life.Every night I fall asleep praying that tomorrow will be the day~ Sorry,I don't have wise words of wisdom, I just know how it feels. Sometimes I&I'm guessing you just need validation&to know we're not alone.SICKNESS IS A VERY LONELY PLACE~
HI bikegirl, I am sorry you are in such a bad place right now. Have you talked to your doctor to see if they can do anything to help the Lupus flare? Sometimes just checking in with your doctor can help. HUGS!!