Friday night ..tired of the pain

Topamax.flexeril.sulindac.vitamins.stretching exercises. Screw this BS. A WEEK OF LEVEL 5-9 Pain with no help from the doctors. I am having one night off with about four shots of Vidka. First night in two weeks I have giggled and tickled and played with my kids. I know i will pay for it over the next few days. But for Gods sake I cannot be the pain ridden zombie …really I cannot. I am losing my ability to keep that artificial smile on anymore. I cannot tell one more person I can deal with it. I AM 47. I have 40a years left. I have a three year old. I do not want to merely exist dammit. I WANT TO LIVE. I want to garden. I want to bake with my kids. I WANT TO CLEAN HOUSE. I want to drop something on the floor and simply bend over and pick it up. I WANT TO WALK MY DOG. Play in the park. GO shopping ALL DAY. Run.Dance.Have sex. I AM STRONG. I AM. BUT THIS IS ONE HELL OF A TEST LORD…

HUGS to you, Karen!

Have your night off. Enjoy your time with your kids and your giggling. You have earned it each and every day you have a flare. You're right, you can't be the pain ridden zombie, so if a break from it with some Vodka does the trick, have at. I wish for all of the world that I could fix all of us, or even one aspect of what we've lost. So just go and settle down and get comfy from the alcohol fog for one night, instead of the fibro fog.

It is not my med of choice… but mr smirnoff does not look at me funny and think it is all in my head…

I hear you, girlfriend, when your back goes, your life goes! I'd have some 'Vidka' too if I didn't think it would make me sick! LOL, but that is where I'll put my money! What am I talking about, I don' t have any money!

Friday's are always my bad day, it's my shot day, by Friday, I'm out of Enbrel in my body, and wait for it to kick back in to go after the arthritis.

This is really a test, my heart goes out to you, my friend. Your children will keep you going, the little ones give us something to get up for, no matter if they are yours or your kid's little ones.

I send you a very big hug, and much empathy! Nice to know you are giggling, it's good for the soul!



Hi, u deserve to be able to enjoy your life. Sorry, you are in so much pain. Even though I don't feel liquor is the answer. But, if it helps sometimes, I guess it's okay. I have friends, that spend their entire lives in a bottle. Are you a christian? Do you pray a lot? It helps if you do pray.

I would suggest you get your mind off the pain, by reading a book, walking outside in the fresh air, playing outside with your children. Do you take any medications for the fibro? I take 60 mg Cymbolta daily along with a lot of supplements. I only use the flexeril when it is a half to do case.

If you do not work, join some groups of women at your church, or in your neighborhood. Get involved in something, volunteer and work through your pain. I volunteer at the Women's Shelter, and I get so caught up in their lives, I forget about mine.

These are only my suggestions. I hope you get to feeling better.

_Smiles _ (:-)

Wishing you the best.

Hope you are feeling better tonight, Karen, my good thoughts are with you!

SK, is there nothing they can give you for the breakthrough pain on Friday? It must be quite an unpleasant day, unfortunately, to feel so poorly and have to wait for your next injection.

Wishing all of you on here a painfree weekend, or one with as little pain as possible. Hang in there. We'll be around to talk if you need us.

He wants me on this until the end of January. He said there is a shot I can take twice a week. My cousin who has the same thing went from Enbrel to Humira, back to Enbrel. Remember what lamb said, "better, not best". I have irreversible joint damage, I have spinal stenosis from the PsA, that is also irreversible. That is why I am after you to get after your Doctors, if your joints hurt you this badly, what is your future going to look like? Anyway, the GP doubled the Morphine dosage!

Are you going on the twice weekly shot soon or in Jan? Oh geez, your cousin has it too? That's rotten! Your family really is entwined with PsA. If I may ask, did you have earlier family members who married cousins, thus increasing the odds for you guys to get this stuff? (My family has one known example of this, but not affecting me.) Otherwise I truly can't understand the overwhelming genetic component here that keeps striking and striking and striking your family. I hate to say it but researchers should even study your family to see if they can find things out about PsA. I hope that doesn't sound rude or insensitive. It just seems that your family must hold some sort of key to the illness.

I know about your irreversible damage, SK. I guess it's just my fantasy thinking, wishing away the reality that this stuff doesn't abate. I like you so much and it's hard for me to accept that you're getting sicker and that this stupid illness is wrecking your body. YES, it makes me good and mad! It's hard to go from being a healthy person in my mid 30's and early 40's to accepting that people that I know and care about who are the same age are being attacked by this illness. One minute you're young and healthy, the next you see still young people getting this s**t. Okay, that's my rant. For now. But I am angry about it.

Quick question, is it odd that my joints are hurting so much? Is that a fibro thing? Or not? I know that people complain about muscle pain but mine is usually my bones/joints. It's okay if you can't answer it. I'm just wrestling with trying to figure out what's what here. Your 2nd to last statement certainly scares the **** out of me. Because if it's fibro that's affecting my joints, then my future is just more pain but if it's PsA I have to find a way to KNOW and convince the docs.

Oh, well thank GOD the doc doubled the morphine dosage! Has it helped you over this past Friday? (Can you maybe send a little sniff this way?)

Sending you some thoughts and prayers that your pain has lessened and you're able to enjoy the weekend and see your great grandson soon.

Good night,