I have been having daily flares, sometimes pain, sometimes fatigue, sometimes both. This morning we had extremely heavy fog - you knew the neighbors house was next door, but you couldn’t see it fog - and one of my first thoughts when I saw it was that it matched the brain fog I have been having all week. Mentally and emotionally I am a wreck, which is just making everything else that much worse.
The 28th marked 2 years since my grandpa passed. He died 1 week to the day before my grandma’s birthday (she will be 90 Thursday!) and 2 1/2 weeks before his 94th birthday (the 15th). He was a cool grandpa. He had had his first major heart attack nearly 19 years to the day and we were blessed to have had those last 19 years. He got to see his great grandchildren (his great grandson wouldn’t be born till nearly 2 years after that first heart attack) grow up and got to see his first (so far!) great-great grandson and got to dote on him for almost 2 years. We were finally able to get those 5-generation pictures just one week before he died - so, so precious.
And things between mom and I are not going the best - nothing new, but it still hurts. I texted her about what she found out today and I was reminded that I have no part in anything with her. There is no “we will get through this” only “I will” - a reminder that I blew that chance when she first told me she had cancer. I guess she has a slue of appointments over the next couple of weeks, getting ready to start chemo. Right now she is stage 2b - not the worst case, but not the best. She will have chemo every 3 weeks, then surgery after the 6th treatment - that is the plan at this point anyway, I guess. She did say they are doing a PET scan within the next couple of weeks - if that highlights any other cancer then that will change a lot of things.
Ok, Miss Kori says enough “sad” time - she is being Miss Goofy and doing her best to make mama laugh. She just brought me her favorite toy so I can play with it.
Oh StrugglinginKS, I wish your mom didn’t do that to you. It’s NOT right and you DON’T deserve to be treated that way. She may be extra angry about the cancer diagnosis and taking it out on you. Not cool. I can’t remember, do you have any siblings that can help her? Or does she have friends who can support her? Please don’t feel guilty. You didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, you are doing a wonderful, needed thing. You are taking care of yourself. You are training Kori which is very important. You are NOT being selfish. I would tell you if you were. If we, as people with fibromyalgia, want to have some good things in our lives, we have to pace ourselves and listen to our bodies or they will make us listen.
I have a brother and 2 half-sisters (dad remarried). Of course she wouldn’t have anything to do with my sisters (growing up we were always told they were dad’s “other family” that he was too busy with to have anything to do with us. A total lie, but it was 35 years before I knew that. ) My brother, hard to say, but I doubt he would venture back into her reach either. He made the break with her long before I did (thanks to getting mixed up with the wrong crowd and drugs, dad ended up being the only one who could reach/help him). I have 2 girls, and both would be willing to help her (with boundaries in place) but she has refused.
At this point she has a neighbor that is helping out some - she took her to the oncologist today, watches her dog and such. Mostly though she has chased off pretty much all friends/family over the years. She is planning on getting her support from home health and the like.
You have reached out to your mom offering emotional support, and that’s all you can do. It is up to her whether or not to accept it. All too often, people try to put a guilt trip on us in order to control us - I have seen my step-daughter’s mom do the same thing over and over. It is their way or the highway! If your mom can’t have you on her terms, she’ll do her best to make you feel bad about it.
Others do not realize that folks like us, with FMS, can’t perform like “normal” folks. I dare say that, if you decided to move in with your mom and care for her, you would become ill. Your mom should know this. Then again, she’s going through a lot of stress and probably not thinking clearly. (This doesn’t excuse the way she’s treated you all of your life.)
Unfortunately, there are no easy answers when it comes to family. I’m so glad you have Miss Kori, and that she’s bringing you laughter and smiles. Sometimes, that’s the best medicine! Please take care of yourself, sweet friend.
No, I could never move in with mom again. We tried that already and it doesn’t work. That is one of the things that I think probably triggered things with my health to begin with. She moved in with us about 6 months after my ex and I separated, to help with the kids, about 6 months after that the divorce was finalized. And it was during that 6 months that I started having troubles with flares, etc.
I’m SO glad that you know your limits, Struggling! You have told her that she can count on you for emotional support, and she decided to go it alone. May God bless you for reaching out to your mom, despite the difficulties in your relationship!