Hello to this wonderful and supportive group! Everything I read here is always so warm and accepting, and I try to offer my support and insight (although I don't know that I have a lot as I was only officially diagnosed in July of 2012) when I can.
I have seen/read a number of posts from people in various 'stages' - for lack of a better word - of struggles with work. Some of us are unemployed, some are struggling with getting to work every day, some are on disability, etc. My situation is that I was employed for 12 years by the same agency/county as a social worker. As my health got worse starting about three or four years ago, so did my job performance. No surprise there. Eventually I was fired because I just couldn't keep up with all the documentation requirements. I was still managing to see my clients and do what needed to get done, I just never did my notes. So as far as my superiors were concerned, it never happened.
Over the last year in particular I was treated very badly by my Supervisor, to the extent that I now have Anxiety with PTSD symptoms when I even begin to think about a full-time job again. I'm working with a good therapist, but a lot of the time I just don't feel like I'll ever have the strength and confidence to feel competent enough to hold a job. My doctor has told me that I shouldn't even consider going back to social work, it's way too stressful for someone with my health issues. I agree with him on that, but then what? Do I work at the mall, the grocery store, Burger King? Please don't think I'm trying to say that I am above those tyes of jobs because I am not - I've done them - it's just that I am frightened by the idea of doing ANY job!
My Fibro is relatively well controlled on a daily basis. I don't have too many flares unless I overdo it around the house or have a really long day volunteering or something like that. The weather of course plays a role. But what if I start a job and get overwhelmed right away?
I've talked with a couple of close friends about this and one very kind and well meaning friend sent me a book about Women's Confidence. Other people remind me that I am still smart and capable - I know they don't mean it to be but it comes across rather patronizing or placating. You could spend hours and hours telling me that I'm smart and capable and whatever but that's not going to make me believe it!
So my million dollar question for our loving community is to ask whether or not other people have had this same struggle, and if so, what did you do to get your confidence back? I need a job! I do think I may eventually apply for disability but I would still have to work part-time to pay all my bills.
Thank you for listening and for any advice you may offer!
littlejld - aka Judy