I spoke with someone today at work and it really struck a nerve with me. As you know, us fibromites don't have many nerves to strike. I had to get my feelings down on paper (computer screen). I only wish I had the gaul to say this to his face. This just goes to show that words DO hurt. Thoughts?
Who are you to judge me? Why is it okay for you to discount my pain and even think about comparing it to your own? I’m not discounting your pain, but I do realize that everyone is not the same. If your leg hurt and my leg hurt, what makes it the same pain? When you have issues, you also have my empathy. When I have issues, I also have your sarcasm? There is nothing fair about that.
What if the tables were turned? What if you were having a heart attack and I said, “Oh, you’re just getting old. That’s what happens. My chest hurts sometimes and I just deal with it and move on.” What would your reaction be then?
Unless you have walked in my shoes, you don’t have a clue as to what I’m going through. I don’t want your sympathy and I don’t want your pity. I just want your compassion, not to be dismissed as nothing. If it was nothing, I wouldn’t get so angry when you speak ignorance before you think common sense.
I’m not a hypochondriac. I’m not looking for drugs. I am not making things up, as I have enough to deal with as it is without making something up. My fibro fog won't allow me to lie about things because I would then have to remember what I said. I have a hard enough time remembering what actually happened, much less anything else. I don’t come to you to ask your input for anything having to do with my health or how I feel because I know you don’t have a clue as to what I’m going through. I try not to bring it up at all. When you see a grimace on my face and ask if I’m okay, I normally just say that I am in deep thought. I don’t want to tell you that I am in pain because you would then consider me a complainer.
I struggle every morning to get out of bed. I struggle every day to go to work and act like I’m okay. I struggle to be a mom and wife when I’m not at work. I look so forward to getting ready for bed because I know I can finally lie down and rest, but then I can’t sleep. Nobody knows what it’s like. I may look okay on the outside, but on the inside I’m a mess. I HAVE to function. No wonder I’m so exhausted. I’m spending so much time pushing myself to handle daily stressors. I guess you could consider me a high functioning fibromyalgic?
I am not a weak person. I am not just giving in to this thing. I am not using fibromyalgia as an excuse. I used to be a very strong person and wouldn’t let anything bring me down. When you go to doctor after doctor after doctor for years, you finally get to your breaking point. That’s where I am now. It’s got me down right now, but not forever. I’m going to fight it, once I find the strength. I’ll come out ahead one day, but you, you’ll still be judging people. One day, something will happen in your life and you’ll sit and wonder “why me”. I can only hope it will stop you dead in your tracks and realize, “maybe this is my payback”.